Children's intelligence level

We accepted this about our kids some time ago. It's fine, they'll find their thing. They'll probably have less stressful lives than we have. We both went to Oxford, but I have often found the weight of expectations put on high achievers a bit difficult.

I'm very academic with post grad qualifications. I'm an underpaid writer. Whereas if I had a trade, such as plumbing, I'd be really well paid. Don't let snobbery prevent you from helping your children reach their full potential. Are they sporty with great emotional intelligence? Maybe they'd make a fantastic coach or personal trainer? Perhaps they could even set up their own gym or boot camp?

The woman who does my nails (also does eyebrows!) earns £100k + a year

She's honestly a pork pie short of a picnic, by her own admission. Can't spell, can barely read. Not that daft though as she pays someone else to do her website and accounts.

My DH isn't the brightest- he's earning good money now.

I'm actually super academic - and failing miserably in life tbh potential wise. I'm sure I'm a bitter disappointment to my parents having forked out for private school.

There's quite a bit of luck to getting on in life and sorry I disagree that you have to be 'intelligent' to do well and earn good money.

One of my mates is a builder and pays his labouring lads £1k a week - cash!

OP, Richard Branson dropped out of school at 15, dyslexic, with no qualifications.
Didn’t stop him becoming the multimillionaire owner of Virgin Records and Virgin Atlantic!

*doing very well for themselves

There's plenty of mediocre people in the UK going very well for themselves. I shouldn't worry about it. Just have a laugh with them, they will probably be fine.

While I never struggled in school, I teach a sport and earn €60 per hour. Lots of people in my line of work are school drop outs who are not academic at all but have a wonderful life and are successful.

It's not all about academics. You should be proud of your children for what they can do and not worry that they aren't like you.

My youngest dd was tagged as 'gifted and talented' in primary, in secondary she was expected to achieve very highly in GCSEs and to go on to her RG university of choice. It all began to unravel in yr11, with extreme anxiety setting in, school refusal etc (with no particular trigger, we (including her) are still nine the wiser).
We managed to get decent GCSEs, A-levels were a nightmare. She dropped out once, took an extra year and still only managed very low grades.
So she just went out into the world, took a minimum wage retail job and started the next phase of her life. And she was fine - now 21 she brings home £1700 a month, whizzes about in her little car enjoying her active social life, loves travel and her holidays and puts a chunk aside for a deposit. It's OK to be OK.
I have 2 solicitor friends whose dc were expected to be high-flyers academically. One of those dc is now a plumber, the other is a junior manager in a supermarket (non-graduate). It's OK to be OK.

Sad that they are middle of the road inteligence! WOW just wow @unsuresue2

There are people struggling with children with SEN or severe learning disabilities or physical disabilities or illness and you are SAD that they are middle of the road.

Grow up and be thankful. Take a long hard look at yourself.

I was very 'academic' growing up, good at exams, got into a well-regarded university and so on. It didn't translate to a high-flying career or any other notability in adult life - I have a very average job and life.

Top of my school, excelled at uni, went on to do reasonably well in life but I'm not exactly running the country. Personally, I am angry my parents didn't encourage me to be a more well rounded, emotionally intelligent person as I think that would have been far more useful in life and in my job, would have helped me not to have social anxiety and thrive more etc. Widen your frankly very narrow definition of "success" OP, and support and celebrate your children for what they are. They will have noticed your disappointment and it will hurt them terribly. If they are trying their best, that's good enough and they will find a way to live a full life with that. They might not have a 17 bedroom mansion but who really needs that? Or actually they might - as I think often those who excel academically aren't taught well to problem solve - a lot of rote learning is no help in the real world!

IMO

1. success appears imperfectly correlated with academic success/general intelligence.

2. leaving formal education is the start of a journey, one which you seem to be trying to equip your children.

3. children's academic success is not stratified and determined early. There are many whose performance rises or falls depending on age/setting.

Good luck.

Well look at the muppets in politics! I don't think high IQ is everything.

Of my bunch, one was an extreme underachiever (no diagnosed problems but an acute inability to listen to instructions) two were middle of the road, and two were very high achievers with a lot of ambition.

They all now earn very similar, very decent, salaries, (except one high achiever who emigrated and now earns squillions but works EXTREMELY hard and long hours for that).

Qualifications mean nothing. A willingness to work and finding your niche is all.

I did really well in school. It was easy. Ended in up in one of those public sector roles mn likes to bash. Friends who bobbed along in school, even fucked up their a levels, now earn way more than me.

Dc1 is clearly a clever kid, who finds school easy. But he has no friends, only kids he bumps along with in school. I know what I'd rather for him.

Lots of people can earn great money by finding something they're good at and working hard. Also earning great money doesn't buy happiness anyway. Wish for your children to be truly happy, whatever or whoever they grow up to be.

Honestly I don't think academic ability or intelligence is the most important thing at all. I always loved school and learning and got top grades right up until university but lacked confidence and didn't have much ambition regarding work so have never earned loads or got into a dream career. On the other hand I know plenty of people who did not do well at school but have loads of confidence and self belief and have achieved loads in their lives. I try and develop confidence and kindness above all else in my own children.

I basically failed my A-Levels, getting a D in Biology and D in General Studies. I failed both Maths & Chemistry despite going to a well regarded private school. My two D’s were just sufficient to scrape into an ex Poly to read Economics which it turned out, was my passion. I got a 2.1 and have had a 25 year career in investment banking earning well into 6 figures. I’m very good at sales, I understand people and can connect well with both clients and colleagues. We have some incredibly bright maths superstars on the team who are absolute whizzes on excel, but struggle to explain concepts/ideas to clients, so it’s very much a team effort. They come up with superb trade ideas and I pitch them. It takes all sorts.

Have you asked for an explanation of what their PsychEd report can tell you? You should be able to see a measure of “brightness” compared to achievement at the time of the report. Remember that dyslexic brains aren't suited to the current academic systems as they work differently. They will have skills in other areas which society values but will need time to develop to work out where their strengths lie. As other posters have said, school results do not predict final outcomes, look at Richard Branson, just for starters. We value academia which is a huge mistake because we should find the skill in every child whether it’s woodworking, design or pure mathematics; every single child has a value but, in many cases, our education system prevents us seeing this in my opinion.

Emotional intelligence can get you far in life too or at least it gives you the ability to make wiser choices. There are lots of options for people who aren’t academic and if they have a smattering of drive and ambition that can be more valuable than qualifications. Some of the most successful people don’t have qualifications but they do have drive. My son is very clever but has no drive and for me that is a worry as, like you, we know life is hard enough as it is.

Dm taught in a small school where a fair number of the pupils were below average intelligence. She also did tutoring which varied from low ability through to high.

For her subject (maths), she said that everyone seemed to have a ceiling. However hard work and things like 1-2-1 tutoring did not necessarily increase the ceiling, but get them to that place. She had pupils predicted E at the start of year 10 who got a C. So it can be worth encouraging their work, and even getting a tutor to get those passes in English/maths if that is needed.

The hardest she found was either when the parents had unrealistic expectations ("they have to do higher level, as it's ridiculous that can't get higher than a C" when they'd be doing very well to get a C, and more likely to get a D-which would be just a simple fail on the higher level) or where there was a mismatch in the children of the family, because often tactless things were said with no malice: "no point doing something you'll only get a D in" was one, in front of younger sister who wasn't going to be getting Cs in anything.

What she did say was often the ones who weren't achieving brilliantly often had great ambitions which they realised, just not in the academic world. Of those who were struggling through school many of them have found jobs that they find fulfilling and they are actually great at. It's just a case of finding it. That's where you can support them.

I get my tyres changed at a local Kwik Fit. One time my car was done by a young school leaver. He struggled with the paperwork, and he was very nervous. I had ds with me who was about 2yo at the time.
I went back about 18 months later and he took one look at the car, stated "oh yes, you had X, Y, Z done, and how's your little boy?" His confidence had grown hugely and he not only remembered the car, what had been done, but he handled the paperwork with confidence and was totally a changed person.
How much better he would have felt if at 14yo he could have stopped most of schooling and been able to do an apprenticeship in car maintenance or similar. That's where I feel our educations system is wrong.

But going back to him, he moved on after about 5 years-he was promoted to manager at another garage. That's pretty good going for his age. He was planning that when he'd had enough experience there he was going to set up his own place. Good luck to him. I hope he's achieved it.

If it is any consolation, I didn't do the best at school and at university, I only got a 2.1 by the skin of my teeth but I've done well to rise through the grades within the Civil Service with a couple of stints in the NHS.

The educational system in this country is rubbish anyway. I wouldn't worry about it as long as they get the required grades for their chosen course, whether it is an apprenticeship or degree. If they get a degree, there are loads of graduate scheme options available and the degree of choice rarely matters!

I have 3 siblings. One of us got straight A/A*s at GCSE and A Level, went to Oxbridge, got a distinction at Masters, and is now doing a PhD. One got A/Bs at GCSE and A Level and a 2:2 from a Redbrick university. One got Bs-Ds at school and dropped out of several uni courses (including two sports scholarships in the USA). One got straight Cs at GCSE, scraped a BTEC, and dropped out of two different uni courses.

One of us earns £80k, one £75k full-time equivalent, one £50k, and one £24k full-time equivalent. There is no correlation between our educational attainment and our wages.

I’m the opposite op. My kids are really bright but don’t have the privilege markers that have enabled some of the posters on here to elevate themselves despite their poor academic achievements. Life isn’t fair.
How old are they? Dh was from a very poor family in the worst part of Dublin. Him and all of his siblings are successful through their own grit and hard work. Help only from grants etc that helped them and in dh’s case a scholarship in his final year of college.