Children's intelligence level

Are you one of my siblings?

😬

The kids at my school who grew up and I see now as most successful. In terms of wealth And happiness were not the most academically smartest.

Some of the academically smartest have jobs like lawyers and doctors.
But the smartest of all went home after going to Cambridge, to go back to working on a farm. He was happy.

Usually and surprisingly to me it was the average people in the class that wound up with great jobs. Some started companies, some moved abroad for work.

Its almost like because they knew they weren't then smartest at school, they thought more about what and how they wanted.
Whereas the smarter kids expected things to magically line up after uni. After doing lots of education and getting a piece of paper saying hey wow look you're intelligent.

I wouldn't worry.
I think my happiest friends have either started their own business or just followed their hearts and have jobs in the outdoors. Despite doing pretty high iq degrees.

They need your love and also maybe some exposure to ideas to all the thing they could do in life. And some positive encouragement :)

Objectively-I have a higher IQ than anyone I know. My husband left school with no GCSEs and still has a higher earning potential than I do.

My point is my high IQ does not cover the fact I’m autistic, useless in social situations and find the workplace a very difficult place to be. It is not the be all and end all when it comes to success markers.

My dd had some educational tests done and I was told she was in the bottom 20% in terms of the average intelligence of a child her age.

I was told similar when I was a child and all through secondary school was put in the bottom sets.

I am now a specialist nurse with a degree and responsible for teaching other nurses. My dd is at college after she passed all her GCSEs and is getting distinctions for her assignments.

The school system does not suit everyone and intelligence is not one thing. Being determined, hard working, turning up, being able to listen and work with people are all skills that are needed to succeed in life imo.

Is it ok to be disappointed though? Maybe secretly, but OP is only doing her children and her relationship harm if they get wind of it.

My dad was super academic. I am too, but even so I remember the pressure. Nothing but the best was really good enough - he wasn't mean about it, or strict, but the disappointment was there. I remember coming home from a biology test in secondary school and telling him I got the second best score in the class. He asked me why not the best.

My 80-year old dad finished school when he was 13 because his parents needed him in their shop. He later bought his very nice house, summerhouse, boat and cars with no help from the bank and stopped working when he was 50. You just never know.

My dad and brother are both thick af.My brother got i think maybe 3 gcse's. Ended up working offshore on an oil rig and I don't know what he does but he makes nearly 50 grand a year.

My dad didn't even bother taking his gcse's, went into the army and then came out and went down a security route. He's currently a vp in an oil firm running their world security and literally a millionaire. Last week he sent me a text and spelt bubbles like bubbals. So clearly grades aren't everything.

Even my husband although he did manage to get into university did so through clearing, his a levels were a b,c, and e and he came the second lowest in his uni class but he now owns his own engineering company.

On the other hand I'm very academic, got 12 a and a*s at school, have a bachelors and a masters and whilst I'm on the career path I want I currently earn less than half of all of them.

I really wouldn't worry about your kids they'll manage. You don't need to be super intelligent to go to university of thats what they want but if not there are so many other routes into work and careers that don't require academic success. I'm sure they'll be fine because they clearly have parents who care about their success.

I was the smart one at school, my brother struggled due to his dyslexia.
I went to uni and have a good job, not what anything near what I planned!
He trained as a PT and makes a tonne of cash! Just because he wasn't traditionally "clever" doesn't mean he isn't. I could never do what he does (for a start I love cake too much!) And vice versa. But we're both successful, and more importantly, happy people.
I think you're putting too much pressure on them following your path instead of their own

I haven't read the full thread but kindly - you need to give your head a wobble.

My dd has a rare genetic condition that means she may not make it to adulthood and she has learning difficulties. I'd be flipping ecstatic if she was 'average' at anything.

I know I'm undermining how you feel with my 'it could be worse' scenario. But honestly sit and think, they're healthy, they have a lifetime of potential ahead of them.

If its reassuring, I left school with basic GCSEs and found a job I was passionate about in my twenties.

I've learnt so much about it and really spread my wings and I now manage people with higher qualifications due to my experience and development in the field.

Allowances are always made when people enter the workforce but you can often tell from a mile away the people who have held jobs, especially customer facing roles, compared to young people frssh out of education. My point being that education gives one thing and skills give another and a good manager should be able to praose them on what they do well and coach them in the areas they need to build confidence. So in time they may have a job with opportunities and support to progress, whether they are academic or not.

We forget that when we leave school/uni, only the people doing professions using their degrees like medicine or marketing will know exactly what they need to know and even then there will be departmental training. Nobody leaves school with a carers qualification, a driving licence or at the top of their game for their education (mechanic, chef, medicine), life is for learning and developing. An A at GCSE does little more that open the door to further education, which may not suit them X

They’re not ‘average’ they’re 7 and if you and your husband are anything to go by you don’t need to worry.

Dont judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree.

The world doesnt need leaders with top notch qualifications, they need grounded people with emotional intelligence who want to help people, whether that's ina career or personal circumstance.

Being clever is great but without emotional intelligence it's very limiting.

Not everyone has a talent bit that doesnt mean they arent valuable, a good friend, a hard worker.

Most importantly, your kids version of success may ot align with yours. Enjoy watching and supporting them to find themselves. X

educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life

Really?

How are you defining success?

I got As and As at GCSE, went to uni and got good results but haven’t achieved anything career wise. My sister in law who was expelled at school and had a baby at 20 has been to uni in her late 20s and got herself a really good job. Her husband who did awful at school and has very low intelligence earns big money.
I am sure your children will do fine in life.

Thank you @NOTANUM I very much appreciate your kindness.

Sometime perspective is all we need to feel better.

After we lost our home we moved to a northern coastal town which has brought us joy. Support services are less overloaded here so the dc have far more help, as do I, which I am deeply grateful for.

hope I don’t sound like a dick, but I was always high achieving academically, my husband not so much - not terrible though, probably lower average. He thinks he’s dyslexic but was never diagnosed (small rural schools). His writing at times reminds me of my friends who are dyslexic, so I think he could be right.

However, he earns way more than me in an engineering trade role and I know many others in this situation as well.

Stop pushing this shit onto your kids.

It is damaging to them and to your relationship that you are viewing them this way.

Life is not a race or a league table and there are prizes at the end. We are all worm food. These people (your children) are exactly what they need to be, they are perfect, fully complete individual human beings and they have been sent to teach you something. Start learning.

Sorry but doesn’t that say far more about men and women in society today and the kid of jobs they do than it does about the value of intelligence.

I don't think you can predict your DCs future by comparing it to yours. Mainly because of AI.

I think in the next few decades many roles - low skilled and high skilled - will become more or less redundant because of tech /AI.
I think how to have a relevant skillset amongst this changing landscape will be a big marker in who is 'successful' in the future.

I have 2 degrees including a first with distinction from a top university.

My husband left school with 3 GCSEs. He now earns 4 times what I do.

You wouldn't grade a fish on its ability to climb a tree...

Some people are not suited to academia but can be just as if not generally more successful than their peers who were deemed 'academically intelligent'

Some of the most successful people on the planet are school drops outs.

Emotional intelligence is an under rated and misunderstood skill and can generally carry your further in life than an academic qualification.

Whilst I wouldn't define myself as unintelligent I did well at school but never pursued university. Instead if worked my arse off, got in with the right people and am now earning 6 figs. Meanwhile friends that studied hard and went on to get degrees struggle to get by on 30-40k a year in their 'professional' jobs...

I've noticed that a lot of people who are now successful and/or famous (for example, in the creative industries, sports and other fields) say that they were disinterested or failed in school, and they only "became" themselves after leaving school. School, particularly in the UK, can be a really rigid environment for people that have creative minds and other interests.

Anyway, it's emotional intelligence that will be most needed in the coming years. The robots will be handling everything else.

Also this. If your DC is practically capable, get looking for an apprenticeship in a trade. Also possibly agriculture, if you live somewhere rural

Not true my DH is autistic he's very very intelligent, he earns a really good wage 120k but he will never be a business owner because he doesn't have the soft skills to do it. Soft skills are very very important

Work ethic, resilience and emotional intelligence are more important I think.