Children's intelligence level

It’s attitude, not aptitude that gets you places.

OP I could have written your post, but realise that as a darn hard worker with great people skills, my DD is going to be fine.

A supportive family is what really matters.

The ability to get on with people is far more important than being academic. They may be late bloomers too.

Love this, I keep telling my eldest that they are amazing no matter what they do because they push themselves to the extreme in their Uni course, my youngest struggles but doesnt want to continue in education after A levels, again I tell them they will be OK, as long as they are happy ❤

Stop wasting money on tutors and things.

The main thing is that they learn to read and write.
If you can get them to find a love for reading (even if it’s comic books) then that is incredible.

A big part of this is how they will manage their dyslexia and I’d focus on what strategies they can use such as coloured filters, using a ruler to follow the words, reading books designed for dyslexic people etc.

Certain areas of maths are also important for managing money and shopping when they’re older.

Just because they’re not book smart doesn’t meant they don’t achieve great things.

I know a few people who’ve gone on to do apprenticeships for things like electricians or plumbers and make loads of money and have no student debt.

They may want to become actors, lorry drivers, mechanics, social workers etc.

Honestly, I would worry as academics aren’t everything (I’m a teacher).
There are also so many foundation years that you can do if you do achieve the required grades needed for a particular course.

I am a specialist assessor for children with a variety of issues, including dyslexia, and taught at a specialist school for children with dyslexia for several years. Some students really struggled academically and didn’t do that well in formal exams. Most however went on to do very well, especially in jobs which required visual or spatial strengths, for example as cameramen/ women, or computer programmers. My own son is dyslexic too. He wasn’t interested in school and was so laid back he was horizontal. He messed around for a few years after school, before realising what he was missing out on, knuckled down, and now earns a six figure salary in the city in a financial role.

My point is that you just can’t tell. If they are driven and keen, they can achieve really well. It’s like there is a universal CV - everyone wants to employ someone reliable, sensible, hard working and honest , with good interpersonal skills. They will employ some who comes across well, even if their academic qualifications are not as great as expected, rather than employ someone better qualified that they can’t relate to.

it sounds like you have wonderful children, and they are fortunate in having great support. My bet is they’ll do just fine long term.

I grew up at a time when dyslexia was under diagnosed and my mum, an English teacher, didn’t “believe” it existed. I didn’t learn to read properly until 8 years old , that was with a huge amount 0f work by my lovely teachers and my mum , but once I got it , I really got it and read extensively. My spelling was crap- still is. I was in bottom classes through primary school, mid classes through juniors and would have failed 11plus. But we moved to a middle school area, and in those 2 years between 11-13 I developed academically to get into second tier. By time I started my O levels I was in top set. But always at bottom of top set and it was a struggle. I ended up resisting some of my A levels (science and maths), at uni I did chemistry , third in first year, 2.2 in second and 2.1 in final . So I got there, it was a struggle , but I came out with best degree I was ever going to get

my dbs always performed better than me academically . Eldest went on to get PhD . Middle one flunked his final due to a mini breakdown and ended with a third class honours.

we’re all now in our 60s. I ended up as a global consultant earning a 6 figure package and retired at 55 on a comfortable pension. Eldest PhD brother works in civil service and earns still at lower rate tax band (just), but loves his job and is surprised someone actually pays him to do it 🤣🤣, and has no intention of retiring before he gets kicked out . Middle brother who got the third class degree, is only one of us that stayed in his science discipline and is seen as a technical expert in his field globally. Not paid brilliantly well for that as in “wrong” industry for high wages , he’s paid well but will need to work till state retirement age before he retires.

we have so much in our lives that is more than work, we’re quite hobbies motivated. We’ve all been recognised at local levels or country levels , and still are, for our contributions to those differing hobbies, but none of them are competitive (we were none of us much interested in sport) ..

we’ve all had particularly bad times in our lives, some struggles variously with mental health , some physical health challenges. We had some marriage breakups. Have a cluster of children between us who’ve also had various struggles but now are doing well, happy and generally fulfilled. And we’re generally all happy, financially secure and fulfilled.

in short, We’ve all been able , thankfully and luckily, to reach our “potential” in the way as a parent your want your kids to do.

so, acedemic performance at school has little bearing on what you acheive in life . A lot is just sheer genetics and that will come through - it amazes me that even though me and my sibs all studied different degrees and went into different jobs and industries, we all, eventually ended up doing similar tasks and responsibilities at work - things that we obviously genetically all have an aptitude for but no school would have seen, or our parents for that matter as a child.

a lot of it is nuture. Can’t understate that. Our parents were teachers. My mum in particular taught us in everything , and developed, imho, the most important skill to teach kids - curiosity. With curiosity you develop a life long approach to learning , and that’s vital to make the most of your opportunities .

so their genes are what they are. They’ve yet to switch on in their full potential. We know now that the brain does its last bit of major development in late teens to early twenties- the last bit of hard grunt turning them from stroppy teenagers into decent actual human beings. Before then you simply have no idea how they will turn out.

so Parenteral support is everything. Don’t stand by wringing your hands about their performance at school and writing them off as stupid. They may act stupid, it that’s just them being kids and YOU , not their teachers, need to help them as individuals bring out the best of their genes . Find their passions, nuture their curiosity, give them opportunities to allow those to light up their lives, strive to use those to show them their strengths so they can be developed.

Yep, that includes the academic skills. The single biggest academic gift you can give to your kids is TIME. really sit with them and understand why they can’t do this or that task- why are they stuck, what is happening in their thinking that is getting stuck, road blocked, or where are the errors happening. Get inside their heads . In maths, for instance, it’s usually a relative small cluster of blind spots that can be unlocked and then the kid can suddenly, magically so it. Seriously. Maths is just logic- well trained 4 year olds can do it. It is just training and repitition. I’m a science and maths grad and I kid you not. Think about tutor for key subject or 2 for a critical gcse year if you can’t do this yourself. 1:1 teaching is extremely powerful if you have a good teacher. Way more than any number of classroom or even small group teaching sessions.

Your kids aren’t of low acedemic level. And you are the one that can help unlock their true potential

If they have your love they will be fine. Better than fine.
I was mediocre at school but very, very successful in my career. No one would have predicted it.
charisma, integrity, hard work and resilience take you much further than cat scores ever will.

Exactly this, I have one very academic child at university and one who is really struggling trying to do GCSE'S. My only hopes and dreams for them are that they are happy even if that's stacking shelves in Tesco! We need money yes, but not everyone bases their success on attaining the highest grades or earning 80k.

The biggest thing for me is support, my kids know I'm there for them no matter what they achieve, I will never think they are 'less than' because of not getting straight As. My eldest thanked me for that because tbh the stress they put themselves through trying to get into university affected their mental health terribly 😔 Our educational system is hard enough on kids these days, I just want to get my youngest through it all in one piece so they can find whatever career makes them happy.

If not eating in front of the TV made people more intelligent, then surely every generation pre, say 1960, would have been more intelligent that current ones?

And I also have to add that almost EVERY incredibly intelligent person that I have known through my life either had, or currently has, quite severe mental health problems. Being clever doesn't always equal being happy.

This often pops up on MN.
Your DC will do just fine, academic success really isn't all that but knowing you are loved and that your strengths and talents are recognised, is everything.
I would personally give them a focus outside of school, where they can excel. A skill that's a bit unique amongst their peers. Sailing, golf, rock climbing, drumming, cooking, or just whatever they fancy. It will build their confidence and give them focus, achievement and something to brag about on their CV.
I'm married to a man with a a PhD, I have 2 degrees, we have a decent salary but it's not stellar (that's public services for you). My cousin who failed everything at school, started a trade, set up his own business and now owns a house worth many millions, did it through sheer dedication.

My DC was like this.. Dyslexia, I couldn't afford tutors, but he showed an exceptional talent elsewhere {according to the college}- and took to it like a duck to water.

He is now self employed.

All that matters is that your children are happy and can live an independent life - That they can afford a house &c and be decent people.

I too used to worry, a lot!

I’m so glad my parents didn’t think this way about me, my mum pushed and made sure I knew I could do anything I wanted if I tried and she knew I wanted to be a nurse. I struggled massively at school but she was my cheerleader encouraging me, going to the school (40 years ago now really) getting me as much help as she could. She even taught me to type as she knew it would help me later on, which it absolutely did.

so it took me a bit longer, I did well in exams - I was put forward for all lower levels so didn’t get enough for nursing but did a year at college and a year working then went to uni in edinburgh, I’ve been nursing for 18 years now and love it. It’s what I’m good at, it’s what I am interested in and enjoy. Sometime that’s the most important thing, i did what I wanted to do. Op your kids will too, and worrying about iq is pointless focus on their strengths, what they enjoy and build them up.

What you think might be best for them won’t necessarily be what they think when they’re adults. They might hate the pressure of expectation you are or will put on them. Not everyone wants a degree.

And don't - EVER - not by the slightest hint - tell them that you are disappointed that they are not academic achievers.

Define success.

Some of the happiest people I know are those who did not have high attainment at school. Some of the most miserable (including my late OH) have brains like planets.

Forget the whole thing - and tell them how proud you are of them and how much you love them.

Schoolteachers are self-selecting and are almost always folks who sailed through their own education with little difficulty. They usually have little experience of what it is to struggle with learning.
The good news is that parents, friends and relatives can focus on the individual and help support their learning.
Enthusiasms for sport, nature, planes, trains and automobiles or film and book characters give children an opportunity to research and communicate knowledge that many adults don't have.
I worked with a member of a very wealthy family who had written his eight year-old off as having no academic future despite the lad having an encyclopaedic knowledge of European football teams, remembering players team numbers and lots of statistics. In reality, it was the boy's father who was the more limited - despite his £250k salary - I'm sure that little boy will succeed at whatever becomes his passion.
Richard Branson had a very expensive education that led to no pieces of paper, Lewis Hamilton is very bright and earns more in a year than I would in many lifetimes. Their gift is focus and you can often only do that on things that you love.

I was very academic. For my DC, my first wish is happiness and stability.

It isn't just academic intelligence that means you will or won't be successful but life choices after school too.

I was high average, planning to go to uni when I took a gap year and met my exP. Ended up not going uni and had my first child at 22. With hindsight that was stupid in regards to my future financial position but I did have four children which wouldn't have been here had I gone to uni and not taken my gap year. Life takes us off the intended path now and then.

I have way surpassed my friends who went to university financially.

Granted, I made the decision not to go as I was unsure on what I wanted to study. So glad I didn't now as my friends are in a lot of debt and will most likely never use their degrees for work. I worked my way up with a bank.

Please don't feel disappointed, my mum was vocally disappointed in me which hurt but now sees I made the right choice.

You could encourage your children to get a job once 18 working for a bank, they can also earn degrees at the same time paid through the workplace. 100% recommend this for anyone with children around 18 unsure of their future.

Oh and the person I know who's the least capable person in real life is the cleverest person I know - my ex! He's incredibly gifted academically but I'm still helping him with practical stuff like life admin, dp sits laughing when I'm on the phone helping him with yet another easy, minor task that the average 21 year old would get confused by. I just don't want my DD's to have to help him

@JoshLymanIsHotterThanSam

That's quite literally the post I had come to write. I had genius IQ, sailed through school, one of the best unis...

But have crashed and burned into Adult life and constantly wondered why I didn't "Get it" or where it went wrong job wise. And then later realised I'm autistic. I have a little part time job but so wished I'd realised and played to my strengths and retrained before having kids. I couldn't manage a full time course now!

My brother was top of the class in the intelligence tests we used to do in the 70s. He has never been able to apply that intelligence to anything concrete that would earn him a decent amount of money. I always hated exams but was reasonably okay at them so did okay in the O levels A levels system. As an adult I did a City and Guilds in textiles. It's modular and course work based. I have never been so happy in my life. You focus on that module and complete the practical work that goes with it. At the end of the module it is assessed( not by exam) and then you get a grade and move on to the next thing. How I wish I had taken this route after O levels rather than doing the A level route. It really suited my brain. Perhaps your children will be better suited to that route.

Dp scraped his degree yet is very successful. Some people just aren't cut out for academics. (He only got that far due to excellent teaching, tutors etc)

To be honest, I think the happiest people of all in life are those who are "middle of the road". In a way, I think you should be very glad!

But I find it really sad for them and a constant worry for me, that their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life

Correlation doesn’t necessarily equal causation though.
Perhaps kids with greater educational attainment generally also tend to have intelligent parents on the whole, and those intelligent parents (like yourself) nurture and provide support more often and maybe that’s why they succeed.

if it helps, I left education with relatively mediocre GCSE results and never did any further study. I now earn £75k and am in my late 30s.