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Original poster

Children's intelligence level

281 replies

unsuresue2 · 02/06/2023 10:17

I'm going to be totally honest here- at the risk of sounding very snobby but can't shake a feeling of real disappointment for my kids.
It's obvious to me that my kids are middle of the road in their class for maths and really struggling with literacy, understandable as both diagnosed with dyslexia- however their general IQ / CAT scores are also mid range (literacy really low against this) and my older child will start GCSE work soon and it's clear he will struggle to keep up.
I have been getting all help I can, fortunate position where I can afford tutors etc
But I find it really sad for them and a constant worry for me, that their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life.
I have always been in the higher end IQ, loved school and got really good marks that allowed for uni education and professional qualifications- and I am fully aware of the privileged position that put me in- with good job and high earnings I enjoy today- I just don't see my kids being able to attain anywhere near that educational success, and I really worry for them that life will be a struggle.
They have loads of wonderful qualities- sporty (not premier league/ Olympics) kind and funny, great emotional intelligence etc.
I love them unconditionally, goes without saying, but I just want the very best for them and can't seem to shake this feeling that their intelligence markers are not predicting great futures.
Please help me with some perspective/ similar experiences

OP posts:
LittleMousewithcloggson · 02/06/2023 10:32

I went to university and got a first
my brother messed around at school and left after just scraping through gcses
He had no uni debts and currently earns around 80k a year (10k more than me!) in the building industry
They will have their own skills and strengths, you just need to find them and build on them.
Also remember though that money doesn’t equal success and happiness
They could work for the minimum wage and still be very very happy

mathdoc · 02/06/2023 10:29

Well you're right that academic intelligence is one predictor of future success, but it is not the only one. A lot of recent research suggests that it is dwarfed by other factors - primarily parental support. I can't find the article, but I read once that a massive predictor for future success was whether children were read to at bedtime and had dinner as a family. It sounds like you care about your children and as long as they feel nurtured they will have the foundations for all sorts of success.
As someone who is firmly embedded in academia and education I can tell you that a lot of school assessments are actually rather poor measures of academic ability anyway. There is a lot of hoop jumping which puts people onto a treadmill of GCSE - A-level - university - job. I've seen several people appear rather mediocre until they find the thing they are passionate about and then, if they have the right "soft skills" such as a good work ethic, the ability to listen and ask the right questions and the resilience to accept they don't always succeed first time, they go on to absolutely flourish.

DataNotLore · 02/06/2023 10:25

SchoolShenanigans · 02/06/2023 10:23

If it helps, my husband didn't do well at school and now earns close to £100k, managing a professional team. Just worked his way up by working hard.

Or they could become tradesman, own their own business and earn great living. Same with recruitment and other sales based jobs.

Lots of people in well paid jobs aren't academically gifted.

But also, money doesn't buy happiness.

Having had no money and now having money, I disagree.

Money gives you freedom.

DataNotLore · 02/06/2023 10:24

I got expelled from two schools 😁

Two degrees and a postgrad later, I earn a nice wage and advise on gov policy

MoggyMittens23 · 02/06/2023 10:24

the most successful people I know (in terms of wealth) did awfully at school! As long as they are happy, that really is the main thing

SchoolShenanigans · 02/06/2023 10:23

If it helps, my husband didn't do well at school and now earns close to £100k, managing a professional team. Just worked his way up by working hard.

Or they could become tradesman, own their own business and earn great living. Same with recruitment and other sales based jobs.

Lots of people in well paid jobs aren't academically gifted.

But also, money doesn't buy happiness.