Children's intelligence level

My husband is dyslexic, he tanked secondary school, hated the learning styles etc. Went back to college to study something that he enjoyed and then on to do a degree and professional accreditations. We met at work, in the same senior role, different paths got us there, I was academic, all A*/A at GCSE, 5 full A levels (one in my spare time after school to fit a full time table in as 3 was the norm then).

School isn't right for everyone, and finding a passion or something you have an interest is really important when considering future careers. If you can try and look outside of the "normal" path that you've found yourself traveling and really find out what stimulates your children you sound more than invested and it sounds like you'd be able to support them along their own paths.

Your children are not an extension of you or a reflection on you, either; they are people in their own right. What if they don't want the things you want for them?

Whilst I earn more than DH and got my degree after school he is doing fine.

He got 2 Cs at a level. Got into a college but dropped out and didn't get a degree until his mud 40s via the OU.

He's in a rewarding and enjoyable career on £70K plus a car.

I have four children. Two went to university, two struggled in school and left with few very low grade GCSEs. Those two have been the most successful in their careers.

You’re being incredibly short sighted. So many successful people bombed at school. Also so many have a degree that they didn’t even end up using so education is a poor indicator of future success. You’re worrying over nothing.

My eldest DD got a 60 percent scholarship to an independent school and was very academic. She got her degree Masters and then got a job but could have done PhD. My son who has ADHD, was offered to go to the same independent school, so we thought he would have the same chances in life, but he refused to go because he didn't want to go to school on Saturdays from 8-3pm. He could have done A levels and a degree as had good GCSE'S but refused to stay at school. He now is a class 1 lorry driver in high demand and earning close to £50k in the North of England where wages on average are lower. He took a £7k pay cut to move up North to his new job. We all thought it was odd, but he worked out he can buy his own home and have a better quality of life as prices are cheaper up North. He earns more than my DD who works part time in finance as she has 2 small children. Both are happy with their lives. My DS has always known his own mind and what he wants and doesn't want. I actually think he is far smarter than my DD although she is academically more qualified. My IQ is high and I'm grateful my DC both seem to have got IQ gene from me and not exh.

Someone who does well educationally will still not be as successful in life as someone whose Daddy hands them a house and a family business. Someone with excellent qualifications but who is disabled will often not be as successful as someone who is less qualified but not disabled, because of discrimination. Educational attainment is by no means the deciding factor so stop worrying about it.

I have 2 siblings. I'd say we're all intelligent but to differing degrees - one is extraordinarily intelligent, the other two not so much but one was far more academic than the other, who was more average at school.

Average at school has gone onto have a fantastic career and commands a high wage.

Academic hasn't reached their potential and doesn't earn much.

Extraordinarily intelligent has really struggled in life with long periods out of work.

As well as academic ability, there are other attributes that surely contribute to success or otherwise. Things like motivation, personality, common sense, charisma, work ethic and probably lots more.

It also depends on any definition of success. You can define it as earning a big salary, overseas holidays, big house and fancy car. Equally, you can define it as being content, having positive relationships, feeling fulfilled and being happy. Who’s to say which is better.

Children who aren’t high fliers academically might turn out to be very practical, or very people oriented, or empathetic.

Encourage them to make the most of whatever attributes and talents they have. What makes them happy will make you happy too.

Being academic isn't everything neither is it a sign that you will/ won't succeed in life my 16 year old is right in the middle of his GCSE,s right now he's not academic at all however he was critically ill in intensive care in February so I'm very proud of him that has a actually sitting his exam,s and whatever his results are he's done brilliantly in my eyes
He has a l place at college for a level two course which will.hopefully lead to.level.three,there are so many options post 16

Mate is a plumber and gas fitter. Bomb school, probably dyslexic and now runs his own firm of people earning lots of money. Academic ability doesn't always correlate with money and success
I did well academically and not half as well paid as him

I did brilliantly at school and got a First at uni. Was never more miserable than when trying to do something with it. I’m much happier now I work 4 days a week in a job that isn’t too challenging. I earn a quarter of what my brother does but I’m much happier. And isn’t that really what we want for our kids? Not achievement but happiness? Focus on that instead. How can you help them be secure, confident, happy with who they are, emotionally stable and independent? That’s what success looks like, imo.

Also my dad was mute until 8, couldn't read until 16 and left school with nothing. He has an undergrad degree, masters and is moving towards a PhD now as well!

I did really well and don't earn too much £32k I work really hard in my stressful/emotionally challenging role aswell! Currently retraining to earn more

My husband did badly in school (academically) and earns more.

I have friends who struggled academically but earn around £60/70/80k a year

Academic prowess isn't always an indicator of success. It's about drive, skill, motivation, business know-how and connections as well!

Knowing your limitations and playing to your strengths can be a good thing in the world of work. So if you have some artistic flair, great spatial awareness and enjoy being outdoors then something like landscaping or architecture might lead to a wonderfully successful career. But if you also have dyslexia and struggle with calculations because of it then maybe pay someone to do your accounts instead of risking getting them wrong or carrying on with them so disorganized it negatively affects the business.

I think sometimes dyslexia means you come into your own academically a bit later than other children.

For example I was generally quite average in first and middle school, I worked very hard but dyslexia meant I didn’t have time to finish most of my work and the ‘copy this off the board’ or out of a book style of teaching meant I was so slow. Weekly spelling tests were the bane of my life.

Around year 9/10 my literacy skills didn’t hold me back as much but all of the extra effort that I was used to putting in compared to my peers really started to show and I finished GCSEs with 8A*s. Though I did only get an A in English language and a B in French (I am amazed I scraped a B tbh). I still didn’t finish most of the exam papers and you hand writing was almost illegible. It was such a surprise that I’d surpassed all of the kids who I thought of as ‘the clever ones’ that I’d known all through school.

In 6th form I was finally able to access more reasonable adjustments, for essay subjects I could type exams on a laptop and I had extra time. Came out with As and A*s.

I still have terrible spelling and handwriting and I have been known to leave the house forgetting to put shoes on but I have a good professional career after doing and undergrad, masters and PgDip.

Maybe your perspective of "successful" is skewed?

You can’t change who they are. You can’t force them into a box they don’t fit into.

they are so much more that just their intelligence. Focus on their happiness and well-being rather than pressuring them.

I totally get that. My DD age 7 is also 'average' and I sometimes find it hard to bite my tongue when I'm helping her with homework! I was very academic, I never had to work particularly hard at school but got great results. My husband on the other hand wasn't very academic, didn't go to uni, is dyslexic, and is now associate director of a company earning 80k. I did go to uni for a skilled profession and work in the NHS on 30k. I could progress but quite frankly I don't have that determination at the moment!

It's all down to personality and drive I think. You can be top of the class but not put the effort into attaining a successful career. Or you might not achieve great results in school but have the ambition and determination to work your way up.

My husband left school at 15 certicate-less. He now has two degrees and a professional qualification.

Attitude leads to attainment. Some get it later in life.

The important thing is for your DC to achieve their potential. Not everyone can be a brain surgeon, and not everyone with a lower level of education will be poor.
Everyone who works hard should earn enough for a reasonable standard of living and it is disgusting that this doesn't happen. Also anyone who works hard should be treated with respect and not looked down on whether they are in hospitality, retail, cleaner or any other service type role.

I have a close relative who is incredibly intelligent - cleverer than anyone I know - and they have struggled in the world of work. They found academics so easy that they couldn’t fathom the hierarchy of the workplace and how people less intelligent had climbed much higher. I think in terms of success, self-confidence and drive is far more important than academic ability. Good parenting and support will provide the former, and you can teach drive and resilience. A high IQ isn’t necessarily a marker of success!

"their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life"
this is not true at at.. please please please do not let them ever feel that you are disappointed in their academic achievements. as long as they try their best. My DH dropped out in year 12 - he now has a very well paid job in tech. experience, skills and generally common sense will get you much further in your career, in my experience.

their educational attainment is an accurate predictor for their success in later life
This is very wrong imo. Some jobs need professional qualifications and further study eg being a doctor but not all knowledgeable people got their knowledge through school. For example the people who design gardens for the Chelsea Flower Show won't have done an A-level in that kind of design. They probably worked in all kinds of gardens and learned from more experienced people about how to design and choose.
My adult son didn't go to university but has enjoyed doing an apprenticeship and is considering another because he's found a new focus. He enjoys working and studying simultaneously and is very motivated when it comes to learning and training through work. I was raised like you to keep on doing qualifications so this was alien to me but he's had promotions and makes enough to live on his own which is obviously a major struggle for young people these days.

I am in similar boat I have 3 kids, two are dyslexic and one of those also has adhd the other also has dyscalculia. We are in Ireland and the supports are good for them particularly in primary but we have a very academic education system. My eldest in secondary has progressed quite well and starts her junior cert (gcse)next week. Her emotions and stress are all over the place though because exams do not suit her. I do believe that they are very bright and I am confident they will thrive once through the education system so my job is to keep their self esteem and confidence in tact and then I do feel the world is their oyster, they my not be able for the traditional route into careers but supports in third level are very good and there are access programmes for people with additional needs. The world of work is also recognising the benefit of a neuro diverse and dyslexic brain and it is now seen as a strength in many workplaces "dyslexic thinker" is now listed as a unique skill.

It is hard though, things are tough enough for young people without additional needs and it is exhausting being their advocate 💐.