Children's intelligence level

OP, I had an IQ test when I was 7 (never fully understood why! Something to do with my parents long custody battle and my ability to understand I think). It put me somewhere around the middle (slightly over on one subtest, slightly under on another) and until that point my mum and teachers thought I was smart, and I believed I was too. I'm fairly sure the results influenced the way mum viewed me after that, though she never let on in so many words (but in retrospect I think a child can pick up when a parent believes they have limits) and I ended up with middle of the road GCSEs and pretty rubbish A levels.

As an adult I was sure my test results didn't accurately reflect my intellectual potential. I had this inner belief I was smarter than people believed and my results indicated. I had a lot of trauma in my life, so admittedly this did also impact my A levels.

Anyway, I made the decision for a re-test. I came out with an IQ over 135 on the WAIS-IV, which is very high. I then had the confidence to take the MENSA tests, and they placed me with an IQ of 155 and I joined MENSA (I've now left as it was more about proving something to myself than actually gaining anything from the membership!! And it cost a fortune!!)

I subsequently had the confidence to complete a degree, MSc and PhD.

I know the theory is that IQ can't change - but I believe it can. I also think when you test kids there are so many variables which could make their score seem lower. The main factor to success is hard work and self belief. I firmly believe that.

All that said, having some randomly high score on an IQ test, or getting good grades at school are IMO not that important. One of my children is very sporty. I encourage that and I expect he'll go into the forces, or do something with his sports in the future (maybe coaching, teaching, sport science or something). The other one has a flare for art and music and I expect it may become the route he takes.

Academics are overrated. Encouraging your children to do what they love, and work at it, is most important.

I overcompensated by getting all my degrees as I had a point to prove to myself, and also to my mum. However, i am really not interested in academics. My dream would be to have a little coffee or tea shop by a lake somewhere. My mum could have noticed better my strengths as kid and encouraged me to pursue what I was naturally into. Instead I'm now stuck in a job which, I guess I like, it earns well, but it's not my passion. I don't love it.

It's far better as an adult to be happy doing a job you love, than be a miserable lawyer or financier etc... IMO

My youngest son was apparently one of the most severely dyslexic children my county had ever had nearly 30 years ago.
He was sent to a brilliant weekly boarding school and ended up going to University to gain a BA in Arts & Design, now earns very well.
i believe all children are different with their own set of strengths & weaknesses, so what if they aren’t academically brilliant there will be something their good at and enjoy so nurture and encourage that instead of looking at the negatives.

You need to instil resilience, a work ethic, a desire to take control of their own futures, a belief that hard work pays off, a wish to work in an industry that they’re passionate about, an understanding that academic results are one marker of success but not the only one etc etc etc. That’s how you start to ensure that your fears for them aren’t realised.

School simply doesn't work for lots of kids for various reasons.

I left school at 16 without a single qualification, despite being a straight A* pupil at primary school. Secondary school was horrific due to daily bullying etc and I just withdrew and gave up.

As soon as I left, I picked myself up, did evening classes to get O levels, then A levels, and then accountancy qualifications and I was a qualified chartered accountant by the time I was 24!

Best thing in the OP's case is to accept that high GCSE/A level qualifications aren't going to happen and work towards alternatives, such as aiming for a trade such as plumber or electrician, or a less academic career such as catering, motor mechanic, etc. Still lots of relatively high earning jobs/careers requiring skills and intelligence other than academic subjects.

It can though, depending on what you’re unhappy about. If you’re miserable as a result of struggling to pay the bills and feed yourself/your family then money will absolutely alleviate that.

You can be miserable and rich as well as miserable and poor, but I would say that the former is preferable.

I hear your worries - future life would be in theory easier if they ticked all the boxes, including academia. But what leads to all our successes isn’t really academia, it’s about emotional intelligence etc, that lets you thrive in a workplace. So all those skills are massive. I also think senior managers/leaders are two types - utter psychos/narcs or those who are truly brilliant people managers and my current one is not that expert but he knows how to run a large department of several hundred, and how to manage people. Got him a very big salary on the way too

You don’t know yet how hard they’ll work, how tenacious they’ll be, how prepared, how attractive their personalities will be to eg employers, you don’t know if they’ll be an expert in a certain field, or start a business or just plain get lucky with something!!! I have 4 sons and of the older 2, the eldest is incredible at remembering and learning but doesn’t study. Second breaks himself working at every subje And rises above the middle of the class. Either could go either way- I’ve stopped comparing them, stopped thinking it’s unfair, we’ll help both where we can and they’ll make their own path. As will yours x

Time to change mindset op. Think of what they can do, not what they cant. My severely dyslexic asd teen surprised me this week. His memory is amazing. I was going over some revision with his and his grasp of it was brilliant. He won't be ablento get it on paper very well but I'm hoping with reader and scribe he will get what he needs to be able to go on amd do what he wants to do

You NEED to read Mindset by Carol Dweck. A growth mindset matters far more than IQ. Children can learn mindset from early on and I think it's probably harder to learn later so start now. The greatest in business and world leaders think like this. The worst thing you can do is label children as 'bright', 'average','dim', 'arty', 'sporty' etc. Anyone can go anything if they have a growth mindset. You'll probably find it helpful too!

My friends who I finished school with ranged from extremely academic (one of them off the charts) to average. Now 20 years on 1 doctor, 1 lawyer, 2 teachers and one millionaire and it’s not the way you think. Honestly I’ve found education to be advantageous but not necessarily academic achievement.

Don't worry. If they're happy and emotionally intelligent they'll be fine (and credit to you for making them that way!). Academic success is only one way of achieving goals. You may have enjoyed success at school - they may need to get through school first and then find their groove.

There's is also different paths. Some kids just arnt ready for high school or gcses and get lost but discover a passion when a bit older and return to get the qualifications they need.

Also, my brother cocked about for his entire school and university career, yet used his contacts to walk into a job and is now earning £100k+ in banking.

Makes you wish you hadn’t put so much pressure on yourself in school/university!

I'm the thick one from a family of academics. Their disappointment in my was obvious even though they tried to hide it. I wasn't thick at all, got grade Cs at GCSEs and I got a degree.

I'm in a fairly average job, not a high earner but I'm happy. One very bright sibling died of MH problems, the other one is in an entry level admin role after decades of poor mental health.

Go for happiness. They've got more chance of success without pressure, feeling they're failures and comparison to others.

I was one of those A* across the board students, am very academic. I’m now a primary school teacher, an excellent one by others’ accounts, and am literally scraping by at the moment.

DH has a ridiculously high IQ, yet is an ex firefighter turned painter decorator and does ok, but as above we are really struggling.

There are so many factors in success, and academics are only a small part of that. Very important to do your best, but it’s not the end of the world if you’re ‘middling’.

I’m the opposite op. My kids are really bright but don’t have the privilege markers that have enabled some of the posters on here to elevate themselves despite their poor academic achievements. Life isn’t fair.

See I’m from a very academic family, as is DP (we have 5 degrees and 3 professional qualifications between us), and I honestly would LOVE to have a sporty and emotionally intelligent child. We’ve got enough nerds in the family 😁

So I say count your lucky stars!

They will have other skills.

I am “intelligent”. Passed exams with very little effort, have a PhD.

yet to earn the “real” money in my field, as I’m so many fields, I need to move up into management. But I’m crap at it and wouldn’t enjoy it.

so there are many people above me, earning more than me, some with barely any qualifications, who are excellent at managing 🤷‍♀️

they also are on track to retire 10
years earlier than me as while I was at uni they were working and paying into a pension. Plus no student debts and 8 years more of salary.

as to what my plumber and electrician pull in per year 😳.

one of mine is reasonably clever but very unmotivated academically. She wants to get an apprenticeship. I fully support that. Having done the academic route I don’t think it’s all that great.

I'm a bit like you, in that I loved school and did very well. One of my children has SEN and the other just hated school. My husband also hated school and left early with no qualifications.
However I am now in a medium level office job earning just ok money.
DH is a senior manager wearning 100K pa
My son who hated school left school last year and is in an exellent apprenticship which will lead to a sought after and well paid qualification.

Anyway, my point is that there are lots of ways to get where you want to go and educational acheivement is not the only way to make good money.
If I were you I'd encourage your children to do what makes them happy.

Good work ethic and resilience, the ability to work in a team, to appreciate others and confidence are all skills you can instill or encourage in your kids as an involved parent. I'd absolutely focus on these.

My brother wasn't the most academic of all of us but he is a doctor and once he got to high-school and found his focus he came on leaps and bounds. My very clever sister lacked work ethic and didnt achieve her full potential but that doesnt mean she won't go onto. Shes doing really well in her current job and is happy. My dh did an aviation engineering degree and then graduated just after 9/11 and couldn't find a job in his field. He got a job in a bank and through promotions, moving sideways he earns a great salary, receives a hefty bonus every year and most importantly is happy Money does give you choices so is important but not being academic doesn't mean they'll necessarily end up in a low paid job. One of my good friends at school left with very few gases and is a plumber, he charges £70 just for a call out.

Don't upset yourself just be proactive, help them emotionally and with their school work so they don't fall through the gaps.

I don't think there's any correlation between pay/satisfaction at work and high iq

YABVU. Degrees aren’t worth the paper they’re written on anymore because everyone and their dog has one.

The greatest indicator of success in life is not how clever you are, or how rich you are, or a “good” career, but how happy you are.

You might have a high IQ but you are miserable about your children, so you are not successful.

My friend and my brother did badly at school, one now runs a building company, earning over £100k a year for him personally and my brother became a plumber and earns over £80k!
My most academic friend (on paper, all A*s at GCSE) is in middle management, as she's not great at thinking outside the box, and leading teams. She doesn't earn anywhere near what they do.

My experience is that to be a high earner you need single minded determination and good people skills. High intelligence is far less important, and without focus or people skills is pretty useless on the career front.

My youngest son struggled so much at school , it was truly heartbreaking .It led to bad behaviour and really difficult school years .He has ADHD /Dyslexia However since he has left school he has absolutely excelled at everything he has done .He is excellent in his chosen field (Hotel Management) and is now doing a degree in same .He still has to work extremely hard but he is used to that .Just continue to support your kids as much as you can .If you don't give up , they won't either .