Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I wrong?

35 replies

Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:15

Hello everyone I hope you’re okay. Sorry, it’s a long one ❤️.

I needed a space to share how I’m feeling. This is my first post so please go easy on me lol. I have a baby, I’m going through postnatal depression but I’m out of the worst of it. I need to know if I’m going crazy.

  1. Am I unreasonable for telling my partner he has no right to pressurise me into selling the car I own, that he pays absolutely nothing towards - a car I owned long before I knew him?
  2. Am I unreasonable for saying his mother cannot move in with us, into our small home with our child because she’s lonely (she is healthy going through a heartbreak) I sympathise but she isn’t someone I could live with.
  3. Am I unreasonable for saying that I need to prioritise spending time with my Mum a day after she just had a mild heart attack, versus keeping his Mum company after a heartbreak - while he goes on holiday with his mates?
  4. Am I unreasonable for saying I don’t feel comfortable having his guy friends stay with us for a week when we have a 5 month old and I’m struggling to breastfeed and I have postnatal depression?
  5. Am I unreasonable for getting angry at him because he volunteered me to look after our neighbours child (because she needs free childcare) while I work a stressful job, I’m struggling with postnatal depression - and I had to go back to work sooner than I wanted because he needed financial help - is that inconsiderate of me?
  6. Was it unreasonable of me to get upset after his mother threw away a gift from a friend of mine, in my home because she said it looked old (she did this after I said she couldn’t move in)

I know these issues seem minor but let me know your thoughts ❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
NewStart43 · 02/06/2023 01:13

Surely when you wrote this list it became crystal clear YANBU? If each point was a stand-alone event, they would be awful, but the combination adds up to a pattern of really unkind behaviour. It makes me very uncomfortable that you use the word "minor". From just your initial post I'm getting vibes that this man tries to gaslight you, and has used your postnatal depression as a way to belittle you and suggest that your opinions are invalid and "crazy". They are not!! HE IS THE UNREASONABLE ONE!

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 02/06/2023 00:50

Yanbu.
Why is he going on a lads holiday when he has a baby, and no money?!

5foot5 · 02/06/2023 00:38

YABU for even needing to ask.

Thank goodness he is still a 'P' not an 'H'.

Get rid pronto. Trust your own family to help but get him and his mum out of your life

M103 · 02/06/2023 00:34

YANBU. These issues are not minor. Maybe you will be best without him?

squidgybits · 02/06/2023 00:21

You are perfectly reasonable on all points!

Him however...

They sound like a tag team, trying to wear you down
Be strong, it's your life/home/car etc not to mention health and mental health
You see their games clearly and I doubt you will be taking any of their nonsense
sending love and strength X
these fuckwits are supposed to be helping and supporting you

brassbells · 02/06/2023 00:00

YANBU AT ALL

lamaze1 · 01/06/2023 23:59

I suspect if he wasn't around your mental health might actually improve. Prioritise yourself and your baby.

BreviloquentBastard · 01/06/2023 23:59

Would you be happy for your child if they grew up and ended up in a relationship like this?

UpaladderwatchingTV · 01/06/2023 23:55

If these are examples of 'minor' things OP, I dread to think what else has been/is going on!! I'm glad to hear that you have your own family around, and that they agree with you about his behaviour. Ask them for support in leaving this waste of space and his mother. It sounds like you're perfectly capable of financially supporting yourself and your child if necessary, so don't waste any more time supporting this selfish, mummy's boy.

blueigloo · 01/06/2023 23:54

I would leave but then again, I have a low tolerance to things like this. My family would never treat my partner like this, and I wouldn’t expect his family to treat me like this.

Dottymug · 01/06/2023 23:54

Why wait until it gets worse? He's sucking you dry financially. You're doing 90% of the work. Get rid -he's bringing nothing to the table.

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:53

Yes, he changed. He only cares about what his Mum wants and she’s in his ear all the time. She even had the nerve to tell me what I needed to do to make him happy. 🙄I put my foot down on that one

OP posts:
Iheartsummertime · 01/06/2023 23:52

None of those are minor

blueigloo · 01/06/2023 23:50

He seems like a people pleaser

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:48

If if gets worse absolutely. This is the mild stuff I don’t mind sharing.

OP posts:
Okshacky · 01/06/2023 23:48

What’s best for the baby is that you are supported to be the best mother you can. None of these examples are better for you or your baby. Prioritise yourself and your child.

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:45

If it continues, I might need to rethink this situation. I need peace of mind our LO needs a happy Mummy

OP posts:
greyhairnomore · 01/06/2023 23:42

None of those things are minor.
Why does he want you to sell your car ?
Just tell the neighbour you can't babysit.
Tell him to go to his mum's if she's lonely. Good luck
You'll look back on this and think thank fuck you got rid of him.

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:41

I said this to him, he doesn’t prioritise my feelings and it is getting to me. I work so hard, way harder than him. I cook, clean, do laundry every single day, I look after our baby 90% of the time, I financially contribute a huge chunk of my salary to help him

OP posts:
Okshacky · 01/06/2023 23:37

YANBU.

continentallentil · 01/06/2023 23:34

They aren’t minor at all (other than the last one)

Do you think this relationship is a goer OP?

ADHDMummy2023 · 01/06/2023 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tinkerbyebye · 01/06/2023 23:33

YANBU on any of them. You need to seriously consider what you want, and if your partner can not provide it you maybe better off out of it, hard as that maybe

Original poster
Yumsie · 01/06/2023 23:32

Thank you so much for your replies, I cried at night wondering if I was being too harsh on him. My family agrees, I thought they were just taking my side

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 01/06/2023 23:30

All of those problems will vanish once you dump this guy. Just get rid as he will never change with his demands and trying to steam roller you.