Time to myself

In fairness he’s up at 4:30 for work.

He can get up early and go to the gym. He should not have more time to himself than you.

I actually think he could change his gym times, you could get the early evening slot and he can go whilst you feed the baby

Agree with this.

So many drip-feeds - he won't allow you to do anything at weekends, yet then he does a sport on weekends (Sunday mornings), and then he makes you take the baby Sunday evenings so he has time to himself....
If all this is true, then either you have a controlling jerk on your hands, or you need to stand up for yourself

I'm a married man and the idea that you are so rigidly stuck to schedule is part of the problem - that and the expectation from your partner that his pre-baby life carries on as normal whereas yours does not.

I go to the gym 3/4 times a week WHEN I CAN, my wife runs/climbs/cycles WHEN SHE CAN. This ebbs and flows with family life. I haven't been at all this week because it hasn't been possible for me to go. It's as simple as that. Until our partner gets it in to his head that family comes before gym/leisure time then your needs will not be prioritised.

We usually spend one day a week as a family, but it doesn't stop me going to the gym for an hour or my wife going out for a long walk. What are you doing on a saturday that requires you all to be present for a 12 hour excursion?

Your partner needs to stop being so rigid in his scheduling.
You might need to be more assertive - or maybe take up something regular one or 2 nights a week.

I'm with you. I'm blown away by the selfishness of - almost always - men who think they are entitled to so many significant chunks of 'me time', usually at the expense of their partner and family.

My father swam every day before we woke up. He never would have dreamed of fucking off most evenings a week and expecting my mother to do dinner, bath, bed etc by herself to facilitate his gym or pool time.

I agree, and that’s how we parent , so for eg I jog while my kids are at dance class, or my DP brings them to see his team play and forgoes the pints after. But in this case sadly the OP’s husband expects her to bend to everything and he gets to live like a single man

Brilliant post. You should listen to this op.

You sound very naive and coerced. This man throws you crumbs to keep you thinking he’s ‘a good man’ - he isn’t. He is controlling and selfish. Where is his care for you? Put yourself first and stop asking for his permission to live your own life.

I wanted me time because I was either working or looking after children.

I like to watch my childrens sport classes so I dont take my me time then. I take it when DH takes kids to the park. That's just being parents too.

So what if he's "very against" you having time to yourself on weekends? Tough. You pay equal amounts into bills and you are still doing way more childcare. I know it is often that way when they're tiny, but he needs to have flexibility somewhere. Tell him weekend mornings are yours. He's being a twat

Ah he sounds lovely. He's giving you a couple of hours on a Friday and will kindly allow you to have a Sunday afternoon every now and then. And all you had to do was break down in tears to get it. What a prince among men. Will he be allowing you to stop breastfeeding at some point as well?

He is against solo weekend time- for you.
Am I understanding this right:
He wants weekends as family time except the time when he goes out? It sounds like he is avoiding solo parenting

It is unsettling that he would be more amenable to you having time for something he considers worthwhile (gym) rather than just making time for you to do as you please.

He get hours of free time to do as he pleases (gym) but wont support you in getting a break at the weekend.

It's possibly not the breastfeeding that bothering you, it's the needing to he needed all the time and he can help with that by making space for you in the family.

Interested to know why the grandparents visit has to be cancelled to allow you the occasional Sunday you time? Could he not take the baby himself? Is it a breastfeeding thing? Apologies if obvious, I don’t have children.

Be very careful OP.

It is neither healthy nor normal to be dictated to, the way you are by him.

You are obviously very naive if you think a partner gets to decide what YOU do, telling you when you can and can't leave the house, whilst at the same time informing you that they will do as they want.🙄

Scary.
Not normal.

You had to cry to get even a small bit of movement?

Not normal.

I would be horrified if you were my daughter to hear how controlling he is.

Keep that job and don't rush into having another child.

You have been warned.

I agree with you OP, he is getting a lot of time child free to do with what he pleases but you seem to have to squeeze it in.

Why can't he drop the Friday gym and go on Mondays after baby is in bed?

He’s being totally U expecting pre baby levels of gym time now he has a baby. Most parents I know where both work fit exercise around the baby, so early mornings and after bed time etc. Sadly he’s a typical case of seeing baby as your job and he does it when he has nothing else on. Short term , if it’s his folks your visiting on Sunday you could take at least every second Sundsy to yourself while he visits. Highly likely his parents will play with the baby anyway and he’ll get to chill but at least you’ll be free. But long term he needs to get 50/50 with things. It’ll get easier once you finish BF but don’t give it up if you don’t want to just to once again facilitate him!

I would say thursday would be the best day to go. He could still go to the gym but come back earlier/ go for a shorter period and you could go.

Also, how old is baby? Can't your DH learn to put them to bed? Both mine where BF and BF to sleep for a long time (2yrs+) but DH could put them to bed if I wasn't there. I would actively work out a way for your DH (and others) to do this so you aren't always bound by the 6:30 bedtime deadline. Leaving your DH at home to figure this out is the perfect way to do it.

Did you really say he wants the weekend to be family time

And that he does a sport all Sunday morning ?

We have reached a compromise and I get a Friday! He is going to go to the gym that night after I return, bed and dinner is done.

This is what I was going to suggest having read your OP! Makes much more sense.

Remember BF is not forever so you will have more flexibility in the future

Of course he wants you to keep breast feeding, that ties you to the child so he keeps going to the gym.
You should both have equal time off.

I know i'll get slaughtered on here for this, but I don't know where this thing has come from that everyone expects so much "me time" when they've got babies and toddlers! My parents had 4 kids, there was no such thing as putting kids in nursery a day a week when not working in order to go to the gym. You just went for a run or a swim after kids went to bed or for an hour or so. Why do people find it so hard to give up anything of their lifestyle pre kids? Kids are only young a short few years, and your life does have to change a bit to accomodate them, temporarily.

My dad would never have fucked off to the gym 4 days a week for 2 hours at a time. He went for a run near home a couple of times, rode his bike with us from when we were about 5 (yes, it meant short rides until we were older) and played a sports match once a week after we were in bed. My mum did an hour longer gym session close to home once a week and also ran near home. My DH does his gym (for 1 hour) while the i take kids to swimming lesson, i do mine while DH takes them for football, we fit in running after they're in bed or early morning and we ride bikes with kids in tow. That's just being parents.

The other thing you could do is go together and baby to the gym with you, take turns using equipment/sitting with baby in the cafe.

I think both of you are possibly quite unrealistic about the change to your lifestyle when a baby arrives, your DH especially. 2 hour gym sessions is huge, it sounds like you each essentially want regular 3-4 hour sessions child free (allowing for getting there, showering etc, getting home).

You get far less time for this stuff when you have a child, especially if working. 2 hour gym sessions 4 times a week AND a sport on a sunday morning? That's like a full working days worth of hours your DH has made himself unavailable to parent.

has your DH changed his life at all? There's a lot of "he wants the weekend to be family time" - just say no! You are an adult, explain that you having time to exercise is important to you & you'll be going on a sat/sun. I think you might both need to shorten the sessions so it can be fitted into a normal evening after baby has gone to bed though, for it to be sustainable longer term.

Most people don't spend 2 hours in the gym/swimming/getting nails done regularly when they have young kids.

Trying to squeeze "me time" into an hour rather than a two hour or so session doesn't sound very relaxing or useful, so I think you're not unreasonable at all for wanting that Friday. Using a lunch break, a spare hour where you can etc sounds like itll be allt of rushing, especially as yoi want to swim and sauna so have to get changed twice. Its not unreasonable at all to need more time for that once a week activity youve asked for yourself!

If he's doing a sport on Sunday morning too and feels so strongly about Saturdays and Sunday afternoons being family time, then a few hours on a Friday at the expense of one of his sessions seems a very fair compromise? You're working 5 days a week as two of them are looking after your child full time.

Hope he sees that this isn't a big ask and manages to sacrifice one day at the gym, based on others feedback he could arguably fill in another session at a lunchtime if he's worried about missing out on gym hours if he's just using equipment and not the pool.