Step child holiday care

You have a newborn and he expects you to have HIS daughter without a by-your-leave whilst you're also studying? And then he calls you names when you point out you're on your knees?

He's a pig

Stick to your guns

You are not being unreasonable and if my dh spoke to me like that I would not be doing any childcare for either him or his ex with regards to their daughter for the whole half term or summer.

You’re studying for your masters and caring for a six week old. How on earth is that not equal to, or greater than, the time commitment of a regular full time job?! And he thinks he can order you to disrupt your schedule to suit him? AND be verbally abusive when you don’t comply?

I’d be making an exit plan. This isn’t about your SDD, imo, but the complete lack of respect from your DH.

How long have you been with him op? And him shouting at you “selfish bitch”… did this come as a surprise to you?

Your thread should be In relationships and the title should be

”my dh shouted at me that I am a “selfish bitch”

For that vile comment alone, and for demanding rather than asking nicely, that would be a no from me.

Good god, what a terrible husband and father. Your responsibility is to your baby and yourself. You do not have to look after your husband's child, she has 2 parents to do that. He is being vile to you and needs to understand his responsibility to you and his children.

See its a tough one for me because I have an 11 year old DSD and it wouldn't occur to me to day she couldn't come round if I was home anyway.

That being said your DH sounds like a bit of a prick, he speaks to you like shit and only sees his kid EOW. So in that sense I guess YANBU

Actually if you read my post at no point did I say that. Not everyone is going to agree with your way of thinking. Doesn’t mean it’s stereotyping. I, personally, believe if you enter into a marriage where there will be step children involved then you do, to an extent, have some level of responsibility. And that goes for stepmums and stepdads. That child is part of your family. If you disagree then that’s fine. You do you and I’ll still have the same opinion.

Also, at no point did I say the OP should have taken on the childcare in this specific situation. I merely pointed out that I disagreed.

His child. So he can look after her during holidays

Or organise holiday clubs

Or his ex her mum has her

I don't think the poster has any point, except to further the stereotype that step mothers have to put up and shut up when it comes to children they didn't create.

Wow! How dare he commandeer your time like that! Maybe you and baby will have to go somewhere else Tuesday night. Are your parents nearby? Can they help?

If the parents can shrug off their responsibility to their own child, a child they made a choice to have, why can’t OP when she’s got a uni deadline? Is her role to play skivvy now for some reason?

I mean, people clearly can and do just that. Whether anyone who isn’t the parent they’re married to disagrees is irrelevant tbh. Marrying a parent means someone gains a title, that’s it. It doesn’t endow them with any rights over or responsibility for a stepchild. Whether they take any of the latter on is up to the individual involved.

He should never never never talk to you like this.
Your child from a previous relationship lives with you & him at least 50% of the time. His child from a previous relationship comes over every other weekend? Perhaps he figured some "extra" days for his child wouldn't be unfair, but that's no excuse for the way he communicated that expectation. YANU for feeling upset about it.

Nope, not confused at all.

At what point did anyone say that?

You don’t marry someone with a child then say their child is not your issue

You seem confused, you don’t have your own children and then say your child that you made a choice to create, is not your issue.

She’s studying for an exam, are women not allowed to do things for themselves and focus on their own careers if the man they married can’t be arsed to parent their own children?

At no point did I say OP should have provided childcare on this specific occasion.

I said I disagree with pp all saying SD is not OPs issue. You don’t marry someone with a child then say their child is not your issue but DH lives with and helps raise your child from your previous relationship. Double standards there!

The issue I would have here is the way OP was spoken to by DH. He was clearly an arsehole.

On Monday he informed me my stepdaughter would be coming over on Wednesday and that I would need to look after her as he and his ex were working (she is 12) I had not been consulted about this

For this alone, I would in your shoes not be providing any childcare. Let the parents do it or make decent arrangements, not just assume you will do it.

Sorry you are struggling. You have taken on a lot and must prioritise your own DC and your education.

All the very best.

You have a 6 week old. The answer is no.

And you're doing fantastic to be doing the course at the same time. Maybe they can give you an extension on the submission if it feels too much (regardless of the 12 year old coming or not). Uni should have some guidance regarding this, but speak to the course as being postpartum can count!!

Vote with your feet and go out for the day with baby and your laptop to a café.

Her newborn baby is tiny and DSD is difficult.

Where is your empathy?

Your team analogy is not helping OP.

Step parents, particularly step mothers, are not free childcare for parents to dump their own child on when the parents are working or just want free time.

If you want a child to grow up having issues with their actual parents then dump them on their step parent, a person who can walk away from their parent at any time.

Sounds like his ex had a lucky escape. It is worrying he think he can speak to you in that way. Sounds like you need to carefully consider your future

YANBU. It's not your responsibility. I WFH and have my kids during the holidays but DH arranges other childcare for his on the days he has them. He doesn't expect me to look after them as well.