Non-driving friend

And yet, and yet, you keep on providing lifts and not asking for any contribution.

Goodness, whatever could you do to change this?

Nope, can't think of anything xx

YANBU, your friend is taking advantage of you!

I find it much more unreasonable to start a whole thread instead of asking for petrol money. "Hey, cost of living crisis has increased costs here too, is it okay if from now on we split the petrol money?"

No, don't say "do you want to pay me half"!
Say "you will have to pay half the petrol costs from now on"

Just tell her before you agree to go somewhere, petrol for that journey there and back is x, do you want to pay me half? See what she says. The lift thing at night, I'd ignore it. She could have gotten a taxi.

This

She is self absorbed and must know Petrol is expensive plus tax and insurance even if she doesn't drive
I think you need to ask to split the costs on your next outing directly
It might feel awkward, but she is taking the absolute Piss asking for a lift at 1am What " friend" would think that's ok?
For the record I don't drive but expect to contribute just as if I'd pay for a taxi( I get enhanced PIP)
I also pay for my DC petrol to visit as I live 8 miles away

Sorry, I forgot to add, when you have the conversation with her don't ask like "please could you pay" or "would you be able to pay?". It needs to be framed as "this is how we are proceeding from here on", with the option of her either paying her share or you aren't driving. Asking if she can pay opens the opportunity for "I can't afford it, I can't pay..." etc, it's better not to give her the option of whether or not she can or wants to, and rather state that this is how it'll be going forward and it's up to her if she still wants you to drive her places or not.

I have several non-driving friends who all offer to pay their share towards petrol (plus a bit extra as appreciation for the fact I always drive), but it wouldn't occur to them not to. I also have a friend who drives but doesn't like motorways, so we split driving evenly so I'm not left doing the bulk of it and therefore out of pocket.

While your friend is clearly unusual compared to the non-drivers I know, whereby she doesn't think to offer petrol money, you do need to step up and ask her. It's not rude or offensive of you to do so! You can say something like "more than happy to drive but it's getting quite expensive to always drive everywhere so if we can split the cost of fuel from now on, that would be great" and then each time you go out, tell how how much her share of the fuel is without waiting for her to ask.

If she is anything other than forthcoming and perhaps a bit apologetic for not paying before, you can simply say "well as you can't afford your share of the petrol, I'm sure you'll understand that I'm simply unable to pay the full cost of petrol each time we go out along with maintaining the car plus paying for tax and insurance. Let's get the train from now on!"

I do think some non-drivers simply don't realise how much it costs to run a car, especially with increasing petrol prices. It isn't necessarily their first thought, in that they've never had to consider it for themselves, but they still aren't idiots and know that petrol isn't free. While you might have the car regardless of whether or not you take trips with her, the fact you are required to drive every time you go on a trip with her means you're unfairly taking on the whole burden of the travel costs and she needs to pay her share or stop expecting you to drive her around.

With the cost of petrol, you have to have a conversation with your non-driving friend @rainydays3.

Role play it with a family member if you need to before hand so that you know what you're going to say.

Tell her that you need her to contribute each time you give her a lift. You've worked out that for long journeys, she should pay for a full tank of petrol (either on the way or pay on the return journey. As you mention it yourself, if you went by train she would have to pay for her ticket so this is her contributing to the wear and tear on your car and the petrol to put in it.

She sounds like she’s taking you for granted a bit OP and to be honest before I learned how to drive I truly didn’t understand just how expensive running a car was. It’s not just petrol but the miles on the clock as well as parking costs etc. i always offered to contribute though and if this was declined I’d pay for drinks/meal etc. I’ve never ever asked a friend to get out of bed to collect me either. So tell her - tell her it’s very expensive keeping a car and could she she contribute. End of.

Just stop the whole thing.
But then I wouldbe cheeky andthest this friendship : "Sorry friend, petrol prices are astronomical at the moment, shall we take the train to X instead for a day out?"

If she is not offering you any petrol money she is being a CF for sure OP.

Oh ok I misread that. Just ask for some money toward petrol. Simpler than holding a grudge about it and writing a long post!

This would be so easily sorted if you just stood up for yourself in a normal, everyday fashion.

Can you pick me up? - No, sorry, I've had a drink.
Do you want to go to - sure but we'll have to share petrol, please. Petrol is very expensive now. - Any pushback then tell her fine, you'll go on the train and pay for your own tickets.

It really is that simple, OP!

You've been a bit of a doormat here, I'm afraid. Time to put your foot down.

It can get quite expensive when we go away as normally I will pay for my accommodation, food, activities plus travel costs on top which can be an extra £40-£60

Not really about petrol specifically is it. Why do you pay for everything?

Maybe suggest a kitty for fuel etc. next time you go away just mention col going up.

Mil thinks cars run on air. She seems to think we run a totally free, 24/7 taxi service for her. We don’t grudge taking her shopping or to essential appointments when we can but when she wants us to drive 40 miles to buy two fake poppies it gets annoying. She never offers money or to buy a tea or anything. Is we go for a tea etc (always her request) she expects us to pay for that too. She’s better off than us and it would nice if she maybe said ‘oh since you drove I’ll pay’. She complained that her friend who drove used a voucher when it was her turn to pay for coffee. I raised my eyebrow and said ‘yes but the petrol etc probably cost the same.’ She thought a full tank of petroleum would cost about £15….

She is a user.

You have been a total mug.

Text her today and ask her to transfer you some money for the petrol last night. Her answer will say it all...

It's true that if you don't drive you may not realise the costs of running a car.

Tax, insurance, petrol, repairs and depreciation.

Maybe I would give her some gentle education in the above and see whether any contributions are forthcoming.

If not then she is being unreasonable.

Also, it's one issue to take her with you if you are going there too.

If one of my friends was in real trouble and for whatever reason could genuinely not call a taxi and needed my help then I would help them out (I am sure they would also offer to pay), in the hope they might return the favour one way or another.

It's quite another to be called up in the middle of the night and used as a general taxi service. To put it bluntly just stop that shit.

Oh and if this means losing her friendship - she wasn't a friend in the first place!

Well unless you tell her how pissed off you are with her attitude towards your petrol expenses she's gonna carry on taking the piss!

Don't be such a wuss. Next time tell her it's high time she started paying a fair amount towards petrol. Tell her furthermore to never ring you for a lift when taxis are available. If she can't afford it she'll have to reconsider going in the first place.

Invent a sudden medical condition that prevents you from driving until you've had further tests.

Then see how often she contacts you.

Think you need to grow a pair, as they say, OP. Or a spine. And stop the lifts when you aren't going out. She's a CF.

You have allowed this to happen op.

Next time, when going away ask up front for halves on the petrol.

No more doing all these little extra favours in picking her up.

She'll soon learn once you exert your boundaries.

It would be nice to not have to say it but unfortunately some people are brass necked and will take up free as long as they can milk it.