Who's being a CF here?

Why on earth have you NOT had a bills conversation??!? You absolutely cannot assume he's going to pay fairly

There was a poster on here a little while ago whose boyfriend moved in and bought new furniture and threw away her own furniture. Then, when he left, he wanted to take the new furniture with him, which meant that she had to replace everything that he had thrown away.

What do you plan to do with your furniture that he wants to get rid of?

Cock lodger.

Hello @Thatleadsingersbiggestfan I am very curious to know if dp brought up his furnishing needs again?

What astonishes me is how this man is managing to avoid standing on his own two feet - ever !
.... the rest of us do, (even if dealt a rough hand), because we want to be a positive image for our children, to help them make the right decisions in their turn ...
Well, life is for making mistakes .... and this one is potentially massive ! So sad, because the OP is evidently doing well in managing thus far to get a reasonable life for herself & her sons .... I'm afraid she will understand too well what the consequences are .... give it a few years.
Would love it to work out well, but the ground work (on his side) is missing.

I suspect the OP is not coming back as she's going to ignore everyone.

She'll be back in a year saying her kids hate him and have started to act out for her attention, but she can't afford to do anything with them, cocklodger dominates the house, but doesn't contribute anything and she can't get shot of him. He also mentions 'going for half the house' if they split up.

I dont normally comment on these posts but I have to agree with the other posters and say don’t do it.

don’t let him move in at all - your post screams that he’s looking for a woman to subsidise him now he’s losing his easy ride at his dads.

i think the societal expectation for people to have to live together in a committed relationship is so outdated, especially in situations like yours.

Your home is your space for you and your boys, you should keep some separation there, at least for the foreseeable until he’s been forced to stand on his own two feet for a while and prove it’s just not his feet under your table that he wants from your relationship.

"I might come across as daft but there's no way in ashy hell that I'd allow anyone to get their hands on my house.
It's for my boys, that's it. "

Well, you say that but you keep ignoring all the valid advice telling you that your honourable aim to not allow this to happen will not stop it from happening if you don't take active legal steps to prevent it.

😂😂😂

Is he a Bishop? They wear long robes

Ah, good point, it would explain “living with his FATHER” and not having any money.

This is the second time I'm writing to you OP. Please think about your future and the future of your kids. Get rid of this bloke asap. He's going to give you a shit life. Please read what others are saying. Keep dating if you want to, but no way let him live with you. If he really loves you he'll wait.

Is he a Bishop? They wear long robes

Unless he's got a lot of long evening dresses I can't see why a new tall wardrobe is necessary at all as most of the men I know wear separates. You are mismatched in all areas. This is not love.

OP, I have read the thread. But one thing a PP mentioned is that if you came off the benefits you’re on, you may not be able to reclaim handy if something went wrong . Now I’m not handy on benefits but I know they’re not pots of gold. You’re with this man 18 month and have not discussed financial
contributions- in the current climate are you sure you want to move someone in and lose your security blanket? You’ve DCs to think of! That’s aside from all the other red flags other posters have picked up on.

you are clearly in the dick sand and are not gonna listen to anyone else but are you sure you want to give up your security? A discussion now will tell you everything you need to know.

I also had no indication that my ex wouldn't pay his share of the bills when he moved in. He had a decent job and agreed, prior to moving in, to paying his share. Within a week of moving in, he'd given up his job and paid not a penny. It was a long time ago and I was young and naive and thought I was in love, so I did put up with it for quite a while. He'd put expensive items in the trolley when we were shopping, but never his hand in his pocket. He even asked for petrol money if he took me to work. Proceed with care! Don't buy the bedroom furniture.

My friend had an official agreement drawn up in a similar situation. Her DP is effectively a lodger who pays rent so has no claim on the house if they break up. You need to discuss the furniture and what happens with bills etc and that you are losing benefits when he moves in. Make sure you won't be losing out by him moving in. Good luck OP. I hope it works out for you.

Before you move into together you need to sit down and work out the finances. Agree to what he will he expected to contribute in terms of money and chores. Don't let him move in without this discussion.

Hi OP, I’ve not read the whole thread but as a family lawyer I have read enough to tell you that at the very least you need to enter into a cohabitation agreement with your DP before he moves in. If you split up, he could try to make a claim for a beneficial interest in your house. While he may not be successful (unlikely he would be, at least in the first few years) it would still be costly and stressful if he did go down that route. Never say to him ‘what’s mine is yours’ and definitely NEVER write that down to him! Really i think it sounds like this guy is best avoided to live with at least.
good luck with whatever you decide.

Run

@Thatleadsingersbiggestfan DP buys his own food, it's not included in his £40 'rent'. DP hasn't amassed 'thousands' in savings.

Did he only pay £40 a week rent? He didn’t pay half of the utility bills and council tax? I’m not sure how he didn’t save money! I don’t think 18 months is long enough for you to let him move in with you and your young sons. If he does move in then he needs to pay half of all the bills and buy new furniture if he wants new furniture.

This is your classic cock lodger.

it’s already decided he’s moving in BUT there has been no discussion about bills… so how is he moving in what if he’s like a lot of men who will happily pay for going out and treats but doesn’t like paying for the boring stuff I.e bills?

you really need to wise up. You’re going to loose your wtc and ctc but haven’t actually agreed a number he is contributing? You can never go back on them as it’s now universal credit (generally a lot less) … I think you need to really think about what you’re doing. This could become a nightmarish situation. And if I’m being frank with the cost of living crisis you’re not being very smart. The likelihood is you will sub the majority and he will pay days out ext until your savings are gone and your on lower income than you were before and he’s sitting pretty like when he lived with daddy.

written and whitenesses agreement for X amount of money per month (on which date) signed by him.
no pay no stay.

No, no, no! Either don’t let him move in, or take financial and legal advice and draw up an agreement to protect your rights and your property. Firstly, of course he must pay for his new bed and wardrobe! Huge red flag if he doesn’t see this!
Write out all the benefits you will lose and the financial contribution you will need for him to be paying his way fairly. It might be better to just charge him regular rent per month as a lodger (to cover shared household bills), and that way you don’t have to hassle over each bill as it comes in, and so he can have no claim on your house if you split. Also think about the other things like food shopping - is he going to be expecting you to do most of the shopping and cooking? buying cleaning products? saved fund for home repairs etc? It sounds rather likely….?

This is spot on. You need to put in place some protection for yourself and making sure he doesn't impact eg your credit rating. You need to be totally honest that you cannot afford the new furniture and so either he needs to pay for it or put up (surely he is sleeping in his childhood room now he's not got extra long ned anyway) and you need to have a really honest conversation about bills etc. If you don't see eye to eye on this stuff then don't let him move in.

Do not let this man get his feet under your table. Been there, took years to get rid.

I think your right on the reaction OP may get if she asks him to find somewhere else to stay for now. He won’t be pleased & true colours will show fast!
Sad but he seems like he just wants to be taken care of & defer 99.9% of financial responsibilities to OP!