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Original poster

to not pay this back

57 replies

moneyquestion22 · 30/05/2023 16:46

very outing but whatever. i am really quite upset by this.
family member bought tickets to a big event a few hours away as a gift. i am broke - 2 under 2 and currently on mat leave (smp) i have a 0 hour contract and have been told there’s probably no hours to go back to so god knows what my life looks like in july onward. family member knows this. regardless the event is something i absolutely love and know she spent a lot on tickets for so i said ok screw it i’ll find a way to slot it into the budget since the main ticket was a gift.

booked coach for a fiver, and found a cheap hotel. family member then last minute got all funny about the coach and how we’d be late etc etc (we wouldn’t) and how it made it less fun. i didn’t want to argue so agreed we’d change journey there to a train. 30 quid extra out of pocket.

got there and had a great time but then the public transport was insane and blocked off for ages on the way back to the hotel. checked uber and it said it would be a tenner so i said ok let’s just split it i can work with that. by the time we’d walked to somewhere the uber could access we checked again and it said £30. family member started arguing with me saying we should have stayed at the train stop and just waited. we had a huge falling out last year so i didn’t want to risk arguing and just said ok split the taxi whatever. by the time she booked it it went to £40. i said actually no i can’t afford/justify that let’s leave it so we went to nearby bar to warm up before planning to walk back to the train stop. family member booked the taxi anyway and basically just said it’s here get in.

said to me on the way home remember to transfer the taxi money. then texted me earlier saying send me £20. i haven’t replied because i am actually quite upset. this is a close family member who is well aware that her one wage (not including her husbands) is almost double my entire household income and she has no kids or nursery fees etc to worry about. i panic when the formula tub starts to get low. i literally don’t have £20 to my name i genuinely have £1.04 in my bank right now and my mat pay stops next month.

i just don’t even know what to say i just feel hurt that she has no idea how big a deal £20 is in my position. i went to the event with intentions to budget and now i’m £30 down from the train and she wants £20 for a taxi i agreed to cancel. wibu to just ignore her.

OP posts:
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Hankunamatata · 11/11/2023 21:05

She doesn't understand how broke you are.

Perhaps she thinks you have more money than you do choosing to have two under 2 or she has forgotten how expensive kids are or has never had zero hours contracts

NigellaAwesome · 11/11/2023 21:00

Gah! I've fallen for a Zombie thread Blush

NigellaAwesome · 11/11/2023 20:59

She probably doesn't understand what 'broke' actually means for you. I second telling her what your bank balance is and that you will pay it back, but it will be in dribs and drabs. I would also reiterate that was why you didn't want to get a taxi, because you genuinely couldn't afford it.

If she doesn't write £20 off having heard that, then you know what sort of a person she is. Hopefully your DSis has a bit more empathy than Bargellobitch Hmm

Bertiesmum3 · 11/11/2023 08:40

moneyquestion22 · 30/05/2023 17:59

exactly. i budgeted for it. i could afford it the way i’d budgeted but she doesn’t seem to understand the concept that not everyone has money to blow spontaneously at the last minute.

Show quote history

If going somewhere it’s difficult to actually stick to a definite budget because prices and situations change as proved to you already!
we always state a budget but have emergency funds for just in case moments like you’ve had

Bargellobitch · 31/05/2023 22:48

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orangesoda36 · 31/05/2023 19:16

Bargellobitch · 30/05/2023 17:09

I'd just say you will pay half back but things a very tight right now so you'll have to wait for some cash to come in.

Obviously nothing you can do about it now but having a second child while other one is under 2 and on a 0 hour contract seems like it wasn't a sensible decision. So maybe your family member feels it's also not fair for her to take on paying for stuff because you left yourself short.

Bitch indeed hey

mainsfed · 31/05/2023 15:33

Pay her the £20 and never allow her to put you in this situation again.

fUNNYfACE36 · 31/05/2023 15:29

You agreed to split the taxi when it was £30 , so you need to at least give her £15 straightaway

IDontWantToBeAPie · 31/05/2023 15:23

HairyKitty · 30/05/2023 16:53

The problem is that whatever you said you then got in and benefitted from the ride so you have to pay. I think you are probably equally as annoyed with yourself as with her

No she doesn't. She didn't agree to it. The other woman said fuck it and wanted the taxi not to wait so she sucks up the payment for HER veto decisions

IDontWantToBeAPie · 31/05/2023 15:22

Honestly I'd just say 'we didn't agree to the taxi. I said I couldn't afford it. I currently have £1.84 in my bank.'

2bazookas · 30/05/2023 21:21

i just feel hurt that she has no idea how big a deal £20 is in my position. i went to the event with intentions to budget and now i’m £30 down from the train and she wants £20 for a taxi i agreed to cancel. wibu to just ignore her.

Of course you don't just ignore her; she was generous, and trying to give you a fun and rare night out.

You need to tell her "£20 is a really big deal to me; we just cannot afford leisure spends like that. I will pay you back but it's going to be small and regular payments. I will try to make it £1 per week. "

Dressydress · 30/05/2023 20:52

I think she's incredibly mean and if it was me I wouldn't be asking you for the £20! But as she isn't very nice and she's asking I would say I can't at the moment however I will pay you back next month or whenever as I wouldn't want her using that against me!

Cc1998 · 30/05/2023 20:44

YoSof · 30/05/2023 20:06

Sorry, my mistake.

Having been on the receiving end of “just find the money” comments before it makes me quite angry!

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I get that x

Sprinkles211 · 30/05/2023 20:07

I'm really sorry op but if you panic when the baby formula starts to get low you really can't afford the trip at all and shouldn't of gone. I've been where you are it's not fun you will find your way out but for now you really need to not spend the pennies and buy some extra formula xx

YoSof · 30/05/2023 20:06

Cc1998 · 30/05/2023 19:34

I was quoting the OP who originally said they would find the money. I'm not sure how OP planned to do that.

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Sorry, my mistake.

Having been on the receiving end of “just find the money” comments before it makes me quite angry!

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 30/05/2023 19:39

Pay it back in dribs and drabs as you can.

Never go anywhere with him/her again.

Go lc and look after yourself your kids and your finances

Cc1998 · 30/05/2023 19:34

YoSof · 30/05/2023 19:24

Find a way how exactly? How do you magic up money? The OP budgeted for what was originally agreed and could have afforded that but her sister changed the plans.

Its hard enough living with fuck all, should the OP have really declined one night out as a gift?

I really, really hate when people thing that those who are struggling financially should have no enjoyment in life at all, or are told to just “find the money”.

Show quote history

I was quoting the OP who originally said they would find the money. I'm not sure how OP planned to do that.

YoSof · 30/05/2023 19:24

Cc1998 · 30/05/2023 19:15

so i said ok screw it i’ll find a way to slot it into the budget

You shouldn't have gone if you can't afford it. You answered your own question, you should find a way to pay your share. You should have said no thank you if you couldn't.

Find a way how exactly? How do you magic up money? The OP budgeted for what was originally agreed and could have afforded that but her sister changed the plans.

Its hard enough living with fuck all, should the OP have really declined one night out as a gift?

I really, really hate when people thing that those who are struggling financially should have no enjoyment in life at all, or are told to just “find the money”.

Cc1998 · 30/05/2023 19:15

so i said ok screw it i’ll find a way to slot it into the budget

You shouldn't have gone if you can't afford it. You answered your own question, you should find a way to pay your share. You should have said no thank you if you couldn't.

RunningFromInsanity · 30/05/2023 19:13

I’m probably going to sound crass here but it’s not my intention, just clumsily trying to put this across. I was just incredible fortunate to be that ignorant.

Your sister, like me, might have no idea what ‘broke’ actually means. Before MN it never occurred to me that people might only have £1 in their bank account.
For me, I start worrying about ‘not having’ money when it gets down to triple figures, and then I would say I ‘can’t afford’ £20 here and there.
If you told me you literally didn’t have £20 in your account I would be mortified I even asked and would definitely write it off and be more aware of expenditures on future days out.

AhNowTed · 30/05/2023 19:11

Hi OP

Suggest the following....

Hi sis

I’m sorry but I don’t have £20 right now.

I have literally £1.04 in my bank account to last me till XXXX.

My maternity pay stops next month, and unfortunately I have no other money.

I appreciate I could have refused the taxi, but I had planned and budgeted for cheaper transport.

I am happy to pay you back over time, but £20 is a huge amount to me right now, and I just don’t have it in one go.

.............

Words to that effect OP.

Bournetilly · 30/05/2023 19:11

Explain to her how bad things are and that you can hardly afford formula and nappies for your child. If she doesn’t understand that she’s a horrible person.

mondaytosunday · 30/05/2023 19:10

Some gift.
She booked the taxi after you told her you couldn't afford it so she should pay.
Next time though work out things better and don't go if you can't afford to.

peacelemon · 30/05/2023 19:04

Can you not just say look I'm going to have to owe you as I have zero money?

peacelemon · 30/05/2023 19:04

You should have not got in the taxi and got the train