'I don't have time to read'

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 2023-05-30T07:47:20+00:00

Does anyone else get this? Hobbies wise, apart from walks, I'm not massively active, so I'd say my main hobbies are reading, and listening to podcasts. The amount of times friends have said they 'don't have time' for either of these things really baffles me - and actually makes me wonder why they seem to say it in a way that implies I have more hours in my day than they do. We are all at similar points in our lives; working, children, partners, homes to run. They have the time, they just don't have the inclination. AIBU for wanting to say 'put down the remote control and pick up a book' next time one of them comments?

aSofaNearYou · 31/05/2023 09:51

Equally, I'm sure if I said I had a Sunday roast they wouldn't feel the need to declare that they couldn't possible find the time to cook one themselves.

Are you? I say that quite often.

Original poster

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 31/05/2023 09:49

@Meeting quite the reach there.

Eating dinner and choosing how to spend leisure time are completely different.

Equally, I'm sure if I said I had a Sunday roast they wouldn't feel the need to declare that they couldn't possible find the time to cook one themselves.

It's the assumption (or, what I feel is an assumption) that I must have more leisurely time - the competitive business- that bothers me, and I have never head them say it about any other hobby.

Also, it doesn't really matter if anyone else believes it, I'm not backtracking, I've explained what I meant.

Wild really - 'I feel judged'
'No! You're judgey!'

Oh ok then.

OP posts:

Meeting · 31/05/2023 09:32

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:14

@Meeting no back tracking - I stand by what I said. They make comments about not having time to read in the same conversation as talking about films/series we watch. So, they did have the time, they just prioritised watching the tv. I didn't once say that was wrong, I'd be a massive hypocrite if I did.

I feel like I've explained this several times already, but sure, you're twist on things is more entertaining.

Do you really think people are silly enough to believe that?
I bet the same people tell you what they eat for dinner but you don't say they should put the food down and read. You absolutely are backtracking.

Catspyjamas17 · 31/05/2023 08:06

I think some people genuinely don't have time - or the mental/physical energy to do things they would actually enjoy more. Been there. Or the money to do them.

But for people who do have a degree of autonomy over their time and the spare funds then it is more a question of priorities.

Kanaloa · 31/05/2023 07:54

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:05

Some of you are taking this really personally.

I don't judge anyone for not reading. Just like I don't judge anyone for not going to the gym, or playing football, or running, or making themselves a pretty macrame plant hanger. I also don't feel the need to declare I'm too busy to do any of those things. Because I'm not - I just don't want to.

I wish I had the time to sit on line and twist a randoms post to suit a narrative that I can get enraged about. 🙃

But it’s not about whether you personally judge people! It’s about a societal attitude. Look at the replies on this thread that you started. It’s sad/depressing, people probably can’t spell, everyone could and should read before bed etc. This is the attitude towards those who don’t read. Can’t you see why people, perhaps after seeing a thread like this, might say ‘oh I don’t have time?’

bathty · 30/05/2023 22:06

I wish I had the time to sit on line and twist a randoms post to suit a narrative that I can get enraged about.

You clearly do have the time though! 😆

Sigmama · 30/05/2023 21:58

It doesn't mean you don't have time, you've just changed how you do things

TheKobayashiMaru · 30/05/2023 21:52

I say 'I don't have time to read' because how I 'read' has changed. I no longer buy or read physical books. Haven't read a physical book in many years. I listen to audio books and do so while I am cleaning or doing DIY etc. So I don't have 'time' to dedicate to sitting down to read while not doing anything else, because that time is now associated with cleaning and house maintenance.

Welshwabbit · 30/05/2023 21:30

Also shout out to the wonderful 50 books in a year thread, which is what got me back into reading!

Welshwabbit · 30/05/2023 21:30

I haven't read the full thread, but like many others OP I think the comments your friends make are not "competitive busyness" but borne out of a different approach to reading. I love reading, although when my kids were really little I did go through a period of not having the headspace for it, so I know what people mean when they say that. But I have always been able to read anywhere. I read books walking down the street, on the tube, in noisy rooms, anywhere. I am also a very fast reader. I get that lots of people can't do that, and if you need time and peace to read then many people won't have that. My preferred exercise is swimming, but it takes at least an hour and a half for me to get to the pool, do a decent session, wash and dry my hair and get home. I use this as an excuse for not exercising (I don't have time....) - but if I ran (which I hate) I could go out for half an hour, job done. It's about how you like to do things, as well as priorities.

AuraBora · 30/05/2023 21:26

I totally get what you mean, OP... I used to adore reading novels in bed but since I had kids I find by the time I get to bed I don't have the energy or inclination to focus on a book and get lost in it. So I generally don't bother. I scroll on my phone or maybe watch something short. As a previous OP said, it's more about having 'decent time' to read. I think until fairly recently I was saying to people that I didn't have time and when I actually thought about it, it wasn't that I didn't time, but rather I didn't have time to do it in the way I'd like so I didn't bother.
I had a NY resolution to read at least twenty books this year. I'm half way through book number 3 (I don't count audiobooks, which I often listen to to go to sleep or back to sleep during insomnia bouts in the night!)
But anyway back to your point, I do think there is an element of competitive business with your friends and I'd find it mildly annoying too (actually most people I know who used yo read a lot are quite honest about the fact they don't anymore. Phones/social media/streaming services all have a lot to do with that...)

Sigmama · 30/05/2023 21:21

Jen willsiam, its not unkind if there is no judgement with it, its just an odd thing to say

JenWillsiam · 30/05/2023 21:19

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:16

You’re not coming across as very kind here.

@JenWillsiam which part is unkind?

All of it. You’re assuming that time to read is literally minutes available and not considering that it’s so much more than that. And rather than accepting you might have called it wrong it of course has to be about people choosing to be offended.

Original poster

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:16

You’re not coming across as very kind here.

@JenWillsiam which part is unkind?

OP posts:

Sigmama · 30/05/2023 21:15

I read a book for 20 mins in bed every night but then I don't have a phone in the bedroom

Original poster

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:14

@Meeting no back tracking - I stand by what I said. They make comments about not having time to read in the same conversation as talking about films/series we watch. So, they did have the time, they just prioritised watching the tv. I didn't once say that was wrong, I'd be a massive hypocrite if I did.

I feel like I've explained this several times already, but sure, you're twist on things is more entertaining.

OP posts:

JenWillsiam · 30/05/2023 21:13

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:05

Some of you are taking this really personally.

I don't judge anyone for not reading. Just like I don't judge anyone for not going to the gym, or playing football, or running, or making themselves a pretty macrame plant hanger. I also don't feel the need to declare I'm too busy to do any of those things. Because I'm not - I just don't want to.

I wish I had the time to sit on line and twist a randoms post to suit a narrative that I can get enraged about. 🙃

You’re not coming across as very kind here.

Meeting · 30/05/2023 21:08

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:05

Some of you are taking this really personally.

I don't judge anyone for not reading. Just like I don't judge anyone for not going to the gym, or playing football, or running, or making themselves a pretty macrame plant hanger. I also don't feel the need to declare I'm too busy to do any of those things. Because I'm not - I just don't want to.

I wish I had the time to sit on line and twist a randoms post to suit a narrative that I can get enraged about. 🙃

No OP.

You posted a judgey thread telling people to "put down the remote control" and then immediately backtracked afterwards when you didn't get the reaction you wanted.

So you read books. Whoop de fucking doo.

Original poster

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 21:05

Some of you are taking this really personally.

I don't judge anyone for not reading. Just like I don't judge anyone for not going to the gym, or playing football, or running, or making themselves a pretty macrame plant hanger. I also don't feel the need to declare I'm too busy to do any of those things. Because I'm not - I just don't want to.

I wish I had the time to sit on line and twist a randoms post to suit a narrative that I can get enraged about. 🙃

OP posts:

LanaDelRaybans · 30/05/2023 20:56

You have time to post this nonsense bitchy / judgey thread, you definitely have too much time on your hands compared to your "friends" 🤣

It's clear as day you find yourself entirely superior and this is some bizarre pretend reverse-snobbery thread.

midnightblue12 · 30/05/2023 20:15

I don't have time to read.
I don't enjoy it. I find it hard work following stories being told by reading. I find reading it's self challenging sometimes. It makes me tired and my mind wanders. I don't like holding the book. I don't like anything about reading.
So if I was to read I would feel like it was a complete waste of my time and when you waste time that time lost feels even more precious!
So no I don't have time to read and I wouldn't want to stop doing something I enjoy for something I don't.

Plutonium7000 · 30/05/2023 20:02

I love reading. I can imagine my friends saying this about me tho.

We all have kids and work. The main difference is that THEY mostly WFH and all have 1-2 kids. DH and both work out the house and have 3 kids, one of whom has SEN.

3 kids plus SEN means that in the evenings, childcare is a two person job until 9pm when we need to catch up on work/household jobs or exercise. The only time i get to read is before bed and I fall aleep the minute I open the book because I'm exhausted. Sometimes I try ro watch TV instead because it takes less brain power.

Just because you think you are in the same situation doesn't necessarily mean that you are.

Original poster

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 30/05/2023 19:59

powerrangers · 30/05/2023 19:42

I don't have the mental energy to concentrate long enough to read. Is that better? Often it's just easier to say I don't have time. What people mean is 'after I have decompressed by doing xxxxx(all the things you seem so judgemental about), I don't have time to read.

To be fair, it actually is.

I don't read all night every night, there are times when i simply cannot be arsed. I go through stages where I will devour books, and then a period where I would rather scroll shit on my phone/start a series.

Saying I can't be bothered/don't have the energy/head space/inclination/attention span of an evening feels less 'god, imagine having the time to read' and would actually be met with 'yeah, gets like that sometimes doesn't it?'

I don't ask my friends what they have read. They say they don't have time to read off of their own backs.

OP posts:

powerrangers · 30/05/2023 19:42

I don't have the mental energy to concentrate long enough to read. Is that better? Often it's just easier to say I don't have time. What people mean is 'after I have decompressed by doing xxxxx(all the things you seem so judgemental about), I don't have time to read.

bathty · 30/05/2023 19:15

Having said that I never flop on the sofa to watch tv in the evening. Only really watch it during the day when i'm doing other things.