Children's bedroom dilemma

You need to prioritise the kids at home. I had a similar question re my stepchildren and was told ideally not until they've left uni. But needs must I'm afraid.

I definitely think you have to prioritising the kids who are living at home. I would maybe suggest your DD1 basically has DS1's room if she stays more and is more bothered.

One thing to be wary of is I did know quite a few that moved home again for a bit after to uni, so it may be worth checking what their plans are!

I'm one of 4, and my bedroom was immediately given to a younger sibling when I left for uni. I shared with my sister in the holidays. It was fine.

Sorry ds3 not ds2 in the above.

It's a bit unfair on dd2 who is home for a couple of months currently if she's put in the position of guest like ds1 who is home occasionally for a night or so.

I'd say give ds1's toom to ds2, but if ds1 comes back he shares with ds1 and leave dd1's room for her. If she's home for a couple of months in the summer, and may need to be studying over that time, then I think it's fair enough she keeps the room for the time being.

I'd seperate both younger dc and set up each of their rooms with spare bed with storage which is designated older siblings storage - so they have a place to come home to iykwim. Then have spare room as a spare room. No favourites, each has a space to come home to and store their stuff but first home can claim spare room to sleep in

I think it would work as you set out as long as DS1’s room is properly turned into a spare room, ie redecorated quite neutrally and his stuff removed to wherever DD1’s stuff is going (or both sets of “stuff” put away in cupboards etc in the spare room), otherwise it will seem like preferential treatment to ds1 over dd1.

If ds2 is moving out, does that also change things a bit?

And make it clear to dd1 that if she and da1 are both there it doesn’t give him first dibs on spare room in anyway.

At Christmas would one not have a room/bed? Who would they share with if that’s the case? You say they’d always have a home there but they may not feel that way without a room?

I think for me it would depend on intentions after uni. Eg whilst at uni, working and studying so rarely home for 3 years but plan to return home and to their room once finished uni, I would leave things as they are no. If however they had no intention of coming home after uni then I would change the room but only after discussing with them and if they understood/accepted!

Can you involve your older two more in the solution? With 5 of them it's not going to be news that they can't hang onto their own rooms solo forever, but they might take a lot better to a solution that they have come up with. Even if it's not as good as yours.

I would present the problem to them and brainstorm some options. You may well end up with this solution, but you'll get way more buy in if they are included in the decision making. For example they might want the shared room to be "theirs" with their own sides, even if they are sharing.

Also, not having been home since Easter is not really a measure of them having moved out. At least one of them may still feel it's important to have a base at home. My husband's parents turned his room into a guest room when he was in first year and he was really upset. Uni students haven't really moved out, a place in halls or a shared house where the tendency ends in June isn't really a home.

Dd1 wangs on about favourites when she's always had a room of her own while not even living there and her brother and sister are sharing a room at 10 and 11?
Agree uni dc have the partioned room, other dc get own.
Dd1 and ds1 can't even use the different sex argument to not share!!

How would Ds2 aged 15 feel about moving into Ds1's room downstairs? Could he sleep through anything? That addresses the morning noise issue.

I do believe DD1 should keep her room at this point as she should be home over summer. When does her term end though? Ds is already home. Also why only a week for Christmas? She must get more holiday from uni than that.

I would lay it out for DD1 to understand her room is only being used by her maybe 9 weeks out of 52 so why should she keep her room as it is? Totally unfair on the other residents in the house. That in future it might mean a room swap. Plant the seed.

If your DD1 has an issue with it’s she’s being a bit of a brat. She got to grow up not sharing a room with siblings so how is it ‘favouritism’ for that room to be given away so children that have shared get their own. Speak to her about it and then do it, she’s a grown adult. She may not even have a problem with it!

I think what you propose is fine.

Perhaps if you can wait till after DD1 has been home this summer and then change it.

If she's home again for a couple of months she can put out decorations in the 'spare' to make it feel more like hers while she's there.

Prioritise your kids living under your roof 24/7 obviously 😆

How is that even up for debate?!

Have you tried either of the younger 2 in DS1s room?

It sounds like your elder DD still sees your house as home, whereas your eldest DS doesn't. So while she needs to understand that her sibling also needs space, she does still need space a bit longer.

Maybe keep her room for this summer holiday, by next summer she may feel differently

His room is downstairs so not ideal for the youngest two as it can be quite noisy in the mornings. Didn't bother DS1 as he can sleep through anything 😂

Can you explain this a bit more? Noisy from what?
I think I might put DD1 downstairs if your issue that you want the younger two upstairs, then DD2 in DD1s room, and then DS2 has the other room to himself until DS1 comes home and they then share.

Can there be some flexibility about this?
DS3 used to move straight into DS1's room the minute DS1 was out the door. He'd then treat it as his room until DS3 came home, at which point he'd go back into his own room, which was the boxroom. We didn't bother moving clothes around, and DS3 would do homework wherever he felt like it, most often in the living room because he liked company!
These days, with laptops and Kindles and mobiles, there's not much in the way of equipment to move, and at 10/11 your youngest 2 are probably not playing with toys much.
The only issue was me doing an extra clean and changing sheets etc to make sure the room was nice for when DS1 came back, with DS3 helping.
DS3 knew not to use DS1's stuff without permission and they were both fine with this.
Could you do something similar? Or talk to them all and see what their suggestions are.

Your room swap ideas sound fine!

My mum did the same when I moved out, my sister swapped into my (much nicer) room. When I came home, I had to use the spare. Then when the next sibling went to uni their room got turned into a crafts room (more contentious 😂) but at Christmas we just made it work. To be honest mid uni we started not coming home for every Christmas so that wasn't really an issue and now (late 20s/30s) we don't all get together at Christmas anyway.

You say you aren't sure whether DD1 would be happy - have you actually talked them through the problems and proposed plans?

Can't you move DD2 into DS1's room and then DS1 can share with DS3 when he comes home? Or move DS2 into the shared room and DS3 into DS2's room with DS2 having to share when DS1 comes home as they are closer in age.