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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gift for cheater.

105 replies

Iwasrightallalong · 29/05/2023 22:38

Posting here as not sure where else to post.

Really odd question but what would you buy for Father’s Day for a recent ex that you just found out had cheated on you so there’s a lot of upset and hurt feelings etc.

i would love to just get nothing at all but unfortunately DC is too young to buy their own gift and I don’t want to come across as the bitter ex and like I’m trying to get back at him through his DC.

But equally I’m not a complete fool so don’t want to go to huge expense or effort, any ideas?

OP posts:
Mumof3confused · 29/05/2023 23:06

Don’t bother. They won’t know any different

NotStayingIn · 29/05/2023 23:04

If they are that young still that they don't understand it why do it at all? You'd just come across as a mug as you're clearly not doing it for your child, as they are still too young to care.

jocktamsonsbairn · 29/05/2023 23:04

@IAteAllTheTomatoes I think we sent that one once!! 😂

TreeLine23 · 29/05/2023 23:01

A cactus? Because he's a prick?

jocktamsonsbairn · 29/05/2023 23:01

I got my cheating x a card and gift every year from my dc. He didn't reciprocate but it wasn't for him. It was for my dc. Ex was/is a complete arse who is now out of their lives but that was DCs choices as adults. I tried to keep all channels open fir them so my dc would never blame me for them not having their dad in their lives. He managed to F that up all by himself.

I used to buy the crappies 29p card that said Happy Father's Day on it and nothing else, take the DC to the £1 shop and let them pick something. Their choice regardless. Some years it was sweets, other years more ridiculous!! After all the gift was from them... £1.29 ✅. EX was extremely narcissistic and probably didn't appreciate the £1 shop gift, but then if he had paid maintenance I'd have had more money!!

DojaPhat · 29/05/2023 22:59

Just don't bother. It would be perhaps different if your kid was actively aware it was Father's day and wanted your help but really this type of emotional labour or compassion is no longer your baggage to carry. Forget it completely.

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 29/05/2023 22:57

This.....box ticked.

Gift for cheater.
Perfectpeonies · 29/05/2023 22:56

For Mothers Day I give my DC my credit card and send them into a gorgeous boutique where the staff help them to pick me something lovely, then wrap it ready for the DC to give to me. I do this for birthdays and Christmas too

CrumbliestCrumble · 29/05/2023 22:56

Card factory mug... Every year. People hate mugs, especially lots of the same.
Cheap and tacky
Dc draws a card

Perfectpeonies · 29/05/2023 22:55

If the kids are too young then don’t bother. When they are old enough, and if they want to, give them a few quid and let them loose in a charity shop.

PumpkinSpiceLattePlease · 29/05/2023 22:54

I get my ex a box of maltesers every christmas, birthday, and fathers day because he hates them. The kids love them!

PhoenixArisen · 29/05/2023 22:54

I wouldn't bother. When dc is old enough, they can sort something out.
Do you think he'll sort something out for Mother's Day?

MMMarmite · 29/05/2023 22:54

I would not do a thing, unless DC asked me to. I sincerely doubt he's thinking about getting you a mother's day gift. This isn't being bitter, this is just declining to take on stuff that is no longer your job.

If he really wants a gift, he can ask his own family to arrange it, or take the kids to a gift shop and ask them to pick something.

StarDolphins · 29/05/2023 22:52

A book? A Beginers Guide to Cheating by Andy Jackson looks good!

Snoopysimaginaryfriend · 29/05/2023 22:51

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 29/05/2023 22:49

This is a great post as I’m actually in the same situation.

Kids are 13m and 25m so not exactly like they can choose something for him. I’ll be getting him a 69p card from Card Factory and will let them scribble on it. I’ll address him and say something nice on behalf of the children.

He isn’t even getting a pair of socks out of me the cunt

Make sure you leave the price tag on as well!

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 29/05/2023 22:51

Fuck all. Just like my own cheat got his kid the last several years

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 29/05/2023 22:49

This is a great post as I’m actually in the same situation.

Kids are 13m and 25m so not exactly like they can choose something for him. I’ll be getting him a 69p card from Card Factory and will let them scribble on it. I’ll address him and say something nice on behalf of the children.

He isn’t even getting a pair of socks out of me the cunt

Treasureboxkey · 29/05/2023 22:49

If the dc is too young to actually know, I wouldn't bother.

Sorry, hit post too soon.

Original poster
Iwasrightallalong · 29/05/2023 22:49

PinkButtercups · 29/05/2023 22:47

I understand you're hurt but you have to push that aside and ask the DC what they would like to get. Obviously not OTT but they might say socks etc.

What he done is wrong I'm not condoning his behaviour.

I am trying to push my hurt aside, that’s why I’m asking for advice.

DC is too young to choose something, they wouldn’t understand.

OP posts:
Treasureboxkey · 29/05/2023 22:48

Get DC to draw a picture and put it in a cheap frame.

However, if the dc is too young to know,

Campervangirl · 29/05/2023 22:48

Condoms?
I'm obviously being flippant, you have my sympathy ❤️

PinkButtercups · 29/05/2023 22:48

Oh my mistake, just re read they're too young to choose so just a pair of socks then.

PinkButtercups · 29/05/2023 22:47

I understand you're hurt but you have to push that aside and ask the DC what they would like to get. Obviously not OTT but they might say socks etc.

What he done is wrong I'm not condoning his behaviour.

frazzledasarock · 29/05/2023 22:46

I would not be wasting a single penny on him.

do you think he’s going to bother with your birthday/Xmas/Mother’s Day gifts?

I wouldn’t even think about it.

someoneisalwaysintheloo · 29/05/2023 22:46

Nothing, give him nothing.