To ask what is wrong with me ?

Make a bucket list

Then start doing the things on there

not necessarily. depending on the approach taken. nothing in nature happens reason, so how can the existence of humanity and all of creation be without purpose? asking these questions is not easy, there isn't a ready made answer. the asking of the questions is a difficult journey and it's much easier to distract ourselves with the small details of our lives.

I once read that in order to be truly happy we have to have a goal that we are striving to achieve (amongst other things). You say you go to the gym, but what do you do? Could you train for a particular event? Or even just a target? Learn a new skill?

Similar age but with younger dcs and I'm feeling this way. I'm getting the 'there has to be more to life' thing and also constantly searching for activities/hobbies perhaps even people that will somehow change life around a bit. I'm also questioning what is the purpose of life or 'there is no purpose to life' and thus what's the point? And on it goes. stopthecalories I agree with you, it isn't a yearning for material things it feels more fundamental than this. I also had/have a creative outlet I enjoy(ed) up until recently and now I'm struggling with it. Really feel like I've been knocked sideways.

Somebody recommended the book - The Happiness Curve. Apparently midlife is often when we are at our lowest satisfaction point. I think there is an element of looking back and reflecting and then looking forward at what the future might hold.

The perimenopause/menopause has caused havoc. Always staved off HRT but my anxiety got so bad that I felt I had no other option but to try it.

Reading this thread with interest.

I can really relate; I genuinely think it's triggered by menopause. It's forced me into a state of discontent, a constant quest for something...more? Not materialistic, not Insta-worthy, but a genuine need to shake things up inside and reposition myself. I don't know if it is just about finding new hobbies. I spent most of my life incredibly driven and being creative; that's all gone. I just lack the drive and appetite for it.

I think it's important to keep being open, trying new things, allowing new thoughts in about changes you could make - but also be okay with the discomfort. You're trying to set yourself for the third act, and that can take time. it's okay not to know what this looks like.

But hobbies aren't there to 'fill the time'! Hobbies are a way to enjoy your time, to challenge yourself and increase your skills, to feel inspired, to relax, to socialise, to learn, to have fun, to help others and more...

Some thought-provoking answers on here.

I'm with the poster who says we all need some form of self-fulfilment. It's just a mistake to equate that with career success, money or an insta-worthy lifestyle. Some of the happiest people I've known are those who appreciate the small things in life and achieve the small goals they set. Just something as small as a daily walk can count.

The menopause can be an issue but I've often wondered if we look at it the wrong way tbh. I'm more inclined to think that a great many women put up with far too much crap during their adult lives while they run around after everyone, often to their own detriment. The absence of time to dwell on it and a good dose of hormones masks this until menopause. Then wham! Sometimes, menopausal rage and feeling low is a healthy and justifiable response to being taken for granted and feeling overlooked! (Not taking menopause lightly for those badly affected who do need HRT BTW.)

Hope you feel better soon OP. Maybe start by setting yourself some small goals and see how that makes you feel.

Have an affair

You need this in your life. And do it!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Artists-Way-Spiritual-Higher-Creativity/dp/1788164296/ref=asc_df_1788164296_nodl?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=431043955865&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1965849441097623639&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9180860&hvtargid=pla-920673948416&psc=1&th=1&psc=1&tag=&ref=&adgrpid=97419294902&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvadid=431043955865&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1965849441097623639&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9180860&hvtargid=pla-920673948416&dplnkId=07b61313-a019-4a83-9aab-d7b465e15337

Because we'd probably most likely come to the conclusion that everything is mostly pointless wouldn't we, which isn't overly helpful in the scheme of things

Well that's the interesting thing isn't it. why are we scared of these questions? and how can we live life meaningfully if we don't ask them?

Yes🤣

At the risk of sounding like Adrian Mole, you are intellectually unfulfilled and needing a mind stretch. You are bored. So do something different and very “difficult”. I can’t say what that would be to you. A FT job is well within your capabilities, and a promotion not enough. A new course? Your relationship is solid. You need a proper intellectual and physical challenge.

I was going to suggest this too. Not just the local charity shop. Find a cause you really believe in passionately and dedicate a bit of time to it. It creates a sense of purpose.

Get a horse. They take up so much time and will make you laugh. Everyone needs a horse

I know how you feel OP. I'm same sort of age and suddenly feel completely lacking in goals and purpose. Despite having hobbies etc, at the moment there's nothing that excites me. I've always been very enthusiastic and goal driven so this feels horrible.

What do you think would challenge you? Maybe write a list of things you always wanted to do/ goals you had in life and go from there. What did you used to do? I think this honestly could be hobby orientated

Is it to do with loosing some of your role/ purpose now the children are older? Mine are currently primary age and so much of my time is taken up entertaining them or sorting their needs (eg helping bath) that I can imagine it feeling very odd when they start needing me less.

I know my friends in their 50s/60s have all upped their hobbies/activities since their children got older. Several starting big things like learning to reupholster furniture. They do much more than I, or my friends in their 30s do.

Are mid-life crises still a thing?

Have you talked to your DH about how you are feeling? If you suggested shaking your life up a bit, how would he react?

It sounds like your relationship has got rather stale and routine-driven, so it might be good if you discovered something new that you liked doing together to carry you on through the next few years as the DC grow up and are not the focus of your lives any more. You could try some kind of new activity together (a cookery or dance class, volunteering, swinging...) or a challenge of some kind, or even just agree to go out together for a walk/run/bike ride every evening and talk to each other.

If he's not up for anything like that, you might need to find something to do solo, or with more interesting company than your couch-potato DH.

👏👏😘😂

The world is your oyster do what you want!

this is a pre empty nest issue, you are still caring for the teens and being around for them, but not truly indulging in what you want. Choose something random and step out of your comfort zone - do something for you versus the family - book a retreat or solo holiday for a week or teo away solo .. find yourself again find your joy not responsibility .

Maybe you are at menopause age, OP? And what little I know of this (bring only perimenopausal myself and not having even got through to the other side yet), is that hormonal fluctuations can impact mood hugely and I think dopamine, which is very much connected to oestrogen and mood, motivation, enthusiasm for life etc, will be waning a lot during this time.

Perhaps this is why some women have a period of time during this when they feel listless, bored and sad? I must admit, ever since I've had my 3rd baby in 2020, I've been really down, apathetic and have huge anhedonia. I'm pretty convinced that hormones are doing this and wonder what will happen as I edge closer to menopause.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. Maybe a change of scenery, aome new foods to try, going to a different place etc will boost your mood and help distract you with good things?

Obviously I could be totally wrong about the hormones but it's just a different thought.