Friends expectations

29 replies

Mummyofbananas · 27/05/2023 11:33

This is a bit of a lighthearted AIBU, I just need a vent.

I have 3 children- 10, 8 and 5. My friend has 4-, 8, 4(twins) and 1.

I'm currently really busy in work, working full time hours plus overtime. My husband works long hours so I do majority of school runs, I then have to pick kids up at night after work which means I don't get any owntime really until they're all in bed (normal I know I'm not complaining about that). My husband also works weekends most weeks so I generally have the kids most of the weekend or if he's off I work overtime.

My friend is on mat leave and when she does work it's 16 hours. Her husband also works long hours but is home evenings and weekends. She does have very early mornings with her youngest which I have sympathy for because that's not an issue I've had.

It's hard for both of us, as it is for all mums but she's always liked to complain that things are harder for her because she has an extra child, things cost more, she has more to do etc which I usually just ignore.

Recently we both started an exercise facebook thing. Every morning she gets up with her baby and does her exercises ( her kids get dropped off by family), then posts on the group.

I'm doing what I can but I physically don't have the time to do them every single day and when I do I'm not sitting putting it on facebook.

Today she's tagged me in the group to tell me I have to pull my weight and messaged me, with smiley faces saying she needed to pull me up because I obviously have enough time.

I'm very annoyed right now, and under a lot of pressure in everyway so I really didn't need it. I just needed a vent so I don't say something to her when I know she doesn't really mean anything bad by it.

AIBU for being annoyed I suppose

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Original poster

Mummyofbananas · 27/05/2023 11:47

Thank you, I don't actually think she does mean anything by it she's just a bit unthinking and I don't think she can ever appreciate anyone else's life being difficult.

I don't normally work so much my works just unusually busy at the moment.
She's a very good, calm organised mum. I'm scatty and all over the place and usually we just get along fine accepting each others differences but I feel like she just can't see it from anyone elses view, she can do it so I must be able to and it's irritating me, I actually said to her I'm stressed with work and she said you have time to do it.

OP posts:

CC222 · 27/05/2023 11:43

It sounds to me like she's a bit jealous of how well you cope with your family/work/life situation, and now she's got something to be one up on you about, she's posting it publicly in a passive aggressive way to make herself feel better that there's something she is doing that you can't (and understandably you can't always fit in exercise because you're a very busy woman!)
She sounds quite petty and immature. Maybe just politely ask her not to tag you in any future posts because you're not tracking your fitness routine on a public forum and you're keeping your own records, and just don't tell her anymore about what you're doing. I know you shouldn't really have to keep quiet on it, especially if it started out as a joint venture, but she clearly doesn't have the intentions of helping motivate each other. She's using it as a reason to make herself feel better at something because she generally feels inferior to you. Btw that's not anything that's your doing, it's her own insecurities causing this!
Personally I'd give her space for a while and just focus on your own journey with fitness.
Sounds like you juggle all aspects of your life really well, good for you! 🙌🏻

Comedycook · 27/05/2023 11:38

Don't overthink this...just tell her you're really busy and feeling stressed at the moment because of work.

Original poster

Mummyofbananas · 27/05/2023 11:34

Sorry mixed up ages, I have 3, she has 4 (inc twins).

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