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AIBU?

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Original poster

‘Disappointed’

59 replies

Senzi · 27/05/2023 09:30

Do you use this word with your children? Do you think it can have a really negative impact later in life creating feelings of low self worth and esteem if used frequently?
Is it ok or does it lead to feelings or never being good enough?

I don’t mean very young children who’ve misbehaved, more about children making choices which don’t meet your expectations.

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 27/05/2023 10:14

Not trying in school is disappointing if they’re not putting any effort in … it’s not about grades but doing the best they can, whatever that may be.

Church/faith when they get a bit older is their choice not ours.

Food , same really.

Original poster
Senzi · 27/05/2023 10:11

What about things like not doing well in school (and not trying or putting in any effort) or not wanting to attend church with you and follow your faith, or eating foods which you don’t approve of.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 27/05/2023 10:07

FrenchandSaunders · 27/05/2023 10:03

I think it’s very effective if used in the right context … as @Iwrotethissong .

I was far more likely to think about my behaviour when my mum said this than if she’d shouted and ranted.

Agree with this, if someone has feelings of low self worth as an adult for being told something they'd done had disappointed a parent, I'd think there was much more going on in the background than just that.

FrenchandSaunders · 27/05/2023 10:03

I think it’s very effective if used in the right context … as @Iwrotethissong .

I was far more likely to think about my behaviour when my mum said this than if she’d shouted and ranted.

Iwrotethissong · 27/05/2023 10:00

I've told my dc not 5 minutes ago I'm disappointed in them.
I asked for 10 minutes peace to make a picnic and I've come in to them rolling about on the floor fighting over a bloody cushion, instead of getting their shoes and sunhat ready.
I don't think they'll be scarred for life.

Divorcedalongtime · 27/05/2023 09:46

I have said it when it’s been things that they knew they shouldn’t do (like online safety) but I agree it’s not great and probably is better not used at all

TheGriffle · 27/05/2023 09:44

My mother told me she wouldn’t be angry if I got a tattoo at 18 but she’d be very disappointed in me. I got the tattoo (and 4 more after that!) and our relationship hasn’t changed. I still remember her words though!

HerbsandSpices · 27/05/2023 09:42

Surely it depends how it is used? Disappointed in their grades when they've done their best - inappropriate. Disappointed because they stole something - appropriate. I've sometimes told my children I'm disappointed for them if they are disappointed something didn't come off for them.

Strawberrypineapple · 27/05/2023 09:35

I see it may have a place but I don’t like it: it makes the behaviour all about you and how it impacts on you. It’s often a certain ‘type’ of parent who finds their child sitting exams horrendously stressful.

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