Tinder in a new relationship

I hated using Tinder. It was like people shopping. I'd be delighted if I was using dating apps to have met someone and no longer have to use them.

The fact that he's still using it after he's met someone and got them pregnant tells you that he isn't committed at all.

I think given things have moved quicker than the speed of light I'd have been more surprised if things were now sailing smoothly. I think you need to give yourself some time alone to work out what you want to do going forward but above else mentally, emotionally and financially prepare to go it alone. You need to reconcile with the fact that the drama between the two of you will not be healthy for the baby regardless of any lingering attachment towards him.

As harsh as this may sound, it’s spot on. Hrs not invested at all OP. No one uses dating apps out of habit. It’s a deliberate choice to see if there’s a better option out there.

Most people delete the apps once they’re in an exclusive relationship - the fact he hasn’t is the biggest red flag you could possibly see.

Do you really want to ge with someone who is already cheating emotionally?

And these guys never want to wear a condom.

Given your update OP, I will say congratulations! Lots of people have babies in different ways. Even if he doesn’t coparent, it’s probably a much less traumatic and expensive way to have a baby by yourself than other options.

If you want to go ahead with the pregnancy OP (which it sounds like you do - what a surprise!) it's better for the child to be happy and secure. It's also best for you to have as little stress during your pregnancy as possible.

If he wants to be a dad that's fine, but he doesn't sound like he'd make a good boyfriend.

we’re here now in this situation so I can’t turn back the clock and change this, contrary to some comments questioning my life decisions are suggesting I do.

This. Some downright nasty comments. If one doesn't have anything constructive, nice or helpful to say then why bother!

@SparklyBlackKitten

Oh don't worry, my child's dad is still a douche, and we aren't together. But we are both glad we had our child.

I do 99% of the parenting but he contributes financially and he does see his child and they have a good relationship.

If op is happy about the pregnancy then I am happy to congratulate her!!!

I got pregnant within 3 months of meeting my child's Dad and said child is cuddled up next to me right now. It's fucking hard, but the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Well you made the right decision yesterday even if it was driven by emotion rather than logic at the time.

This whole thing can not be real.

Cut your losses OP. He's not engaged
enough to want to stop looking for other women. Do you really want someone with a Tinder browsing 'habit', even if he is not intending upon doing more?

Obviously it's so early and high stakes that you'd have no idea whether the relationship would work long term but he hasn't even got any intention of giving it a proper go. People don't keep looking through OLD if they have. Partly because it's no longer of interest and partly because they care about their partner's feelings. Neither apply here.

If you're definitely continuing with the pregnancy then let him know that you don't want to live together or be together any longer but would like to agree to co-parent with mutual respect and hopefully become friends in time. This cuts out the need for any drama, lying or accusations from him.

@Wavescrashingonthebeach just because your guy started out as a douche and now seems to be a different man, doesn't mean op's fling will be the same.

You got lucky maybe or cho(o)se to close your eyes to certain things. This can be true.

But dont congratulate op on pregnancy of a man she hardly knows. And of man that obviously doesn't want her nor to be a dad. That's not a congratulations kinda situations. More like a :im sorry to hear that- kinda thing.

This is brutal - because it is honest and truthful.

OK, maybe he is happy at the idea of being a dad. Contrary to BS media, most men I know are.

But it's actually a lot easier to be excited about a baby when a) you have zero sunk investment in the relationship and the mother herself - there's no real love to lose and b) the woman will take the lion's share of the work.

You're not in a committed relationship. It might have some serious factors to it, but really, you barely know him, and he's already being someone you don't like.

Dump him, and choose whether you want the baby alone. Do not factor him into your decision making whatsoever.

Yabu to be pregnant so soon after meeting.

He wanted sex not a baby.

I was in a post it imo years ago where I got pregnant around 5-6 months after meeting my BF on Tinder. Thankfully we fancied each other and nobody cheated.

OP, I'm not trying to judge as I've been there myself but cannot grasp how this happened. You got pregnant so quickly to this guy, who you call your partner. But he's cheating on you and doesn't seem to be interested at all. And you both wanted to continue to pregnancy in this scenario.

I am not one of these people who say this, but I would seriously consider your options with this pregnancy. This sounds absolutely shit. There will come a point where you'll probably wish that you did - most likely when he's swanning off with the next woman.

He's got one eye on the door.

May as well end it now and save yourself and your unborn child the extra heartache and drama

Fuck me! If this is what you truly believe, then you need to raise your bar!!

I'm so over the male apologists on here! 🤬

He’s already cheating on you so why would you want a relationship with him?

I can tell you with 100% certainty, this baby will not mean that you will be happy together forever and forever. Do not make that mistake. Babies are hard, children are hard, teenagers even harder. You will be doing this alone without a shadow of a doubt.

Well yes, now you are realising OP why it’s a bit silly to say “we fell pregnant “ You are pregnant and he is still looking around for someone “better”.

You have become pregnant before you barely know this man. I don’t doubt there are examples where this has worked out for people, but not in your case.

Are you still on Tinder, swiping around, seeing who is available, out of habit? No? Quite.

So many factors would affect my decision on whether to proceed with the pregnancy, but the bloke would be gone in terms of relationship with me. You can’t trust him, therefore there’s no basis for a relationship going forward.

Congratulations on your pregnancy op.

You need to write the man off. Better to be respectful co-parents than in an on / off relationship full of mistrust and arguments.

Do this on your own and when the baby comes you can work out some level of co-parenting (which will be you doing the vast majority of the parenting, hopefully he will want to have some input more than financial).

Stay with him and as your hormones go mad over the following months there's likely to be major arguments and stress. Not what you want to bring a baby into.

Focus on yourself, your health and your growing baby.

I posted on here a few years ago when I was pregnant to someone I barely knew, got a lot of "Good grief! SMH!" Comments which really got to me at the time and upset me. Not constructive at all.

He's turned out to be a really good father and our child is amazing. I don't want to go into some more specific details as it gets a bit outing but anyway he wasn't on Tinder or anything like that.

"we unexpectedly fell pregnant"
Both of you aren't pregnant😅

He obviously is not into you or the baby
Keep him at arms length
If you want this baby: prepare to be a single parent.
He doesn't sound like a man who wants a relationship nor a family

So don't go thinking he'll change
Because he won't.

Choose Wisely

Well I do happen to think if this is the method of how you got into a relationship, what can you expect really? I expect a quality calibre of a man would not use Tinder.