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AIBU?

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Original poster

Guy with teeth

141 replies

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:13

I met a man at a session for one of my hobbies (outing as it's quite niche so can't mention). He's a really funny and smart guy and I really enjoy chatting with him etc. He's also really good looking/healthy/fit and a few years older than me but I have an embarrassing question that is making me feel quite shallow as well. I don't think I am necessarily shallow and never thought this type of stuff would bother me but I really have an issue with his teeth. I think he might be a smoker and I haven't asked and he definitely has 'bad' teeth and I don't really want to describe it. The problem is that I really like him and his personality and I think he might have a little crush on me (he's quite popular there). So what should I do? How can I tell him to go see a dentist or something along that line, is that even acceptable?? AIBU to even like him?? Please help me, I need some advice from the wise MN. I am definitely name changing after this post!

OP posts:
Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:41

Triggering? Unlikely. People are just bemused by your attitude and treating you accordingly.

Care to post a photograph of yourself…?
Thought not.

GalileoHumpkins · 26/05/2023 12:38

What a shame your extremely outing niche hobby isn't dentistry for total dummies.

YouProbablyWontLikeTheAnswer · 26/05/2023 12:35

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 11:24

Can you imagine him waiting for you.at the end of the evening and saying,

" you know sadconfusedembarrassed I've really enjoyed getting to know you, I like your company and would totally consider dating you, but only if you sorted out that bump on your nose. It's the only thing that keeps putting me off so I thought I'd let you know and put the ball in your court. "

this

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 12:34

I understand why people are upset and trying to throw 'insults' here and that's fine but it's not really helpful other than making me understand I can never approach this subject with strangers or partners. I was only looking for some insights on something I didn't understand (my lack of social skills and inability to give up I suppose). I would never tell him anything about his features when he comes to talk to me so please chill and don't take it personally. I don't usually care for looks it's just this one thing that has bothered me. Honestly, I don't know if it's because I am mildly shallow or it just bothered me or I want my partner to have okay teeth. Also, don't worry I will delete this thread later as it seems too triggering for some. By the way there were some useful responses so thank you for that 😅

OP posts:
Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:33

CountessBathorysBeautySecrets · 26/05/2023 11:39

I don't think anyone will think you shallow for having 'must have teeth' as a prerequisite in a date!

Show quote history

Haha

Season 1 Lol GIF by NBC
Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:27

Maybe you could show him this classy image…

Guy with teeth
queenMab99 · 26/05/2023 12:18

He may be hanging on to his unattractive teeth in order to ward off scheming females with designs on him. I leave my hair grey and wear crocs to put off the men I meet walking my dog.

ReliantRobyn · 26/05/2023 12:15

threecupsofteaminimum · 26/05/2023 11:22

I couldn't date a man with bad teeth, sorry. Deal breaker, I have v high standards and have no plans to ever get into another relationship though!

Sounds more like you are the problem here !

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:15

Shhhquirrel · 26/05/2023 12:14

because I can already think and decide that?

Maybe try expanding your thinking capabilities regarding what is socially acceptable.

Show quote history

Exactement.

Cam22 · 26/05/2023 12:14

OP, what are your own teeth like?

I wonder if you have any flaws that he might have noticed in passing: being a bit podgy, poor skin, bad hair, lack of intellectual prowess…?

Shhhquirrel · 26/05/2023 12:14

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:18

No, I would just leave him alone and I have but I think he really likes me as he always waits for me afterwards and I wouldn't mind dating him. That's the only reason I asked. Can someone give me a little advice without telling me to leave him alone because I can already think and decide that?

because I can already think and decide that?

Maybe try expanding your thinking capabilities regarding what is socially acceptable.

WoofWoofBeachLife · 26/05/2023 12:12

I do get where you are coming from OP. Does his breath smell if there's obvious decay? Dentists are so expensive. My teeth are stained due to medication and black coffee and I have ordered moulds for whitening. If anyone said anything to me I think I would cry and be so ashamed my teeth were stained. I don't smile in photos xx

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 12:07

😂😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
WoofWoofBeachLife · 26/05/2023 12:05

queenMab99 · 26/05/2023 11:22

He has teeth? That's a bonus.

Belly laughing 😂😂😂😂😂

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 12:05

Ah okay yeah this is why I posted on here to try and understand more thank you @Pepsipepsi @PinkFootstool

OP posts:
DitherDother · 26/05/2023 12:03

I think if you don't want to date him because of his teeth either you don't really like him that much or you're destined to be single for a long time.

Imagine if he told you he'd like you if only you got your nose/hair/clothes fixed.

PinkFootstool · 26/05/2023 12:00

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:53

Honestly, I hadn't realised that it costs so much to get your teeth fixed, didn't cross my mind at all

I need 14 crowns to make my teeth "pretty". £800 minimum per tooth. They can't do fewer than 6 at a time or they'll break because I grind down in my sleep, even with a night guard to protect them. It's a process that will take around a year from beginning to end with many many appointments.

I don't have £12k and I'm not prepared to get into that kind of debt for vanity.

I'm also phobic of the dentist, which I thought I was much better with but after 3yrs unable to get a dentist appointment due to Covid, I sobbed like a 4yo having a bloody filling last week. No idea how I'd cope with all that work.

So your man might not be able to justify the expense if his teeth are clean and healthy, just crooked.

Pepsipepsi · 26/05/2023 11:58

I was neglected as a child, got a massive overbite, probably shit genes. Mum only took me to dentist twice as a kid and one of the dentists blamed my 9 year old self for the mess they were in!! Then as a young adult I couldn't afford work. I can afford it now but quite frankly I'd rather spend my money on holidays. It's not me that has to put up looking at my face 😂 my husband says he loves me regardless.
Saying that I wouldn't compromise on deal breakers in the early days. But I wouldn't tell rejected partners the problem to their face especially if it was outside of their control!!

Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:56

This really isn't about being shallow tbh. I mean sure throw that at me I get where you're coming from but I just wanted a solution around this. I guess I should get to know him more as PP suggested and go from there.

OP posts:
Original poster
sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:53

Honestly, I hadn't realised that it costs so much to get your teeth fixed, didn't cross my mind at all

OP posts:
CitizenofMoronia · 26/05/2023 11:50

TomatoSandwiches · 26/05/2023 11:24

Can you imagine him waiting for you.at the end of the evening and saying,

" you know sadconfusedembarrassed I've really enjoyed getting to know you, I like your company and would totally consider dating you, but only if you sorted out that bump on your nose. It's the only thing that keeps putting me off so I thought I'd let you know and put the ball in your court. "

I was going to say
... I dont really go for big girls.. can you get one of them gastric bands from Turkey and I may consider it..

bonus point for bad teeth man if she dont need it.,.. shallow much OP?

mrlistersgelfbride · 26/05/2023 11:49

Believe me when I say, if someone has a physical flaw, particularly on their face, they know about it. They don't need you to tell them!
He will know his teeth aren't great. Please don't be unkind.
If you like him, try and get past it. If it's a dealbreaker for you, move on.
Why not get to know him a little more as a friend first.

DrDavidStarKey · 26/05/2023 11:48

I get where you are coming from. I didn't date someone past two dates because of his teeth. He had enough money to get them fixed too but had decided they were part of his personality.

He had been in a car accident and his two front teeth (and presumably all the rest) were moved slightly to one side so he had one tooth in the middle and it's partner was off to the side of it. Once I noticed it, I couldn't not and I couldn't get past it.

Call me shallow but it ruined his otherwise quite lovely face.

itsmylife7 · 26/05/2023 11:48

I suppose the question is...can you imagine having a good old snog ?

AgnesX · 26/05/2023 11:46

sadconfusedembarassed · 26/05/2023 11:18

No, I would just leave him alone and I have but I think he really likes me as he always waits for me afterwards and I wouldn't mind dating him. That's the only reason I asked. Can someone give me a little advice without telling me to leave him alone because I can already think and decide that?

I think he might go off you a bit - out of sheer embarrassment. If he has any self awareness he'll already know.

How would you you feel if someone said that to you.