To be devastated

All the vibes, OP, you're not being silly at all. But this is just going to have to be another funny story to tell the kids when they are grown - and there's time for new memories and a better place to store them.

(I remember the day after I left home to go to uni a big box turned up in the post - my stepmother had packed up every single little thing she could find of mine in the house, including childhood drawings, and sent it on - I guess as a message not to come back. I just threw it all out.)

Er, you've told me I'm cracked several times. That's not offensive?

You've called another poster a fool.

You're not feeling quite right are you?

As for facts, I don't think you're remotely interested in them so no point in me wasting more time on that.

It's possible to make your point wit it being gratuitously insulting.

Another perspective on it may help.

I have some bits my child made at primary school and I treasure them, however, my child died so that is when the story ends.

I know you are upset and I understand it but your children will produce new souvenirs and hopefully a lifetime of them.

Take lots of photos and videos, trust me, you will be pleased that you have so much to look back on. 🙂

So you are the one who is factually incorrect. And wrong as well.

😂😂😂

'Factually correct. And wrong as well'. (Just to be sure)

Stop being insulting by calling people names & telling them they are cracked 🤷🏻‍♀️

No point in trying to discuss it reasonably with you, clearly.

I kept the children because I liked them but threw the other stuff out as I don't like the clutter.

I would be
devastated !
fuming !
upset !

What a prat!

If someone told me they were devastated (not just upset or angry at their DH, but truly devastated) over this, I would assume there’s probably a reason that memories really mean a lot to them. And sure enough, that is the case. OP has already explained that she had a horrific childhood, so keeping these mementos from her children was quite important. Then of course it’s natural to be devastated. People saying, “I thought it was something serious,” are being quite unkind. No one has the right to judge your feelings about this @Bagpuss2022 ; I imagine it’s attached to a lot of feelings, about how you saved these things because you wanted mementos of your children having a childhood that was so much better than yours, and it’s mixed with all the memories you don’t have or don’t want from your own.

And I do think it’s particularly wrong for DH to have a mood with you over you being upset. Is he someone who doesn’t like to apologize? Because just about any normal human would just fucking apologize when they hurt someone else, especially someone they loved; it’s not rocket science. And the fact he has objects he’s sentimental over makes it particularly ridiculous that he refuses to apologize and instead is “in a mood” with you. I would find it VERY difficult not to throw out some of his carrier bags and say they were “just junk.” I think you’re actually doing very well at handling this.

My husband 'forgot' to send the newborn photos of our son ( born early so pics in the operating theatre and for the first 5 days of his life) to anyone...Not one was uploaded, not one shared.

and then his phone broke.

We've never been able to get those photos.

I have no photos at all of my child when he was born. Not one.

So I understand how you're feeling.

I remember very little of my ds's childhood, so having "bits of paper" is like a mental nudge.

Are you cracked?

FYI, that's rude too 😂

You were really belligerent in your response & then lashed out when you were challenged.

Of course, paper / other records aids memories - humans can't keep all E experiences in their minds, and can't recall specific details without some prompts eg the exact nature of a child's handwriting or the details of their childhood. That's why we have photos, libraries, museums & archives! And what about others who didn't have the memories in the first place like the children themselves or their children in time?

You don't have to keep objects. But stating that they are unconnected to memories is factually incorrect & you also did so rudely.

Sorry, just read that the bin has been emptied already.

If the [recycle?] bin has not yet been emptied, I'd be in there to try and retrieve it. My recycle bin doesn't get wet/soiled/dirty stuff put in, so it wouldn't phase me. If it were in the main rubbish bin, slightly different matter.

I've also still got every single primary school workbook and creation. I have also got all his birth blurb, which came in handy when he asked me questions related to his birth.

I'd be absolutely fuming!!

I still have a computer generated picture up in my kitchen that my Ds did when he was somewhere round 2. He's 18 this year. The decision to get rid of his creations is mine and mine alone, if anybody else tried to I think I'd go nuclear.

The memories being more important than things comment is supposed to be a consolation. No good is going to come from dwelling on something that’s lost.

Obviously for people with dementia circumstances are very different.

Sorry to disappoint you that OP’s life isn’t completely falling apart in this case. Maybe put some east enders on rather than trawling real people’s posts for something harrowing.

@sheldonia

What a crazy reaction - why the need to be so utterly rude to another poster?

I don't really get this. Memories are what you have in yourself, they aren't bits of paper and cheesy poems with smudgy handprints. No memories are erased by getting rid of the paper.

What's not to get? 🤔

Now, I freely admit I would and have, necessitating major decluttering have kept a lot more of the childhood drawings & memorabilia.

But while memories are something you have, you won't have those tiny, specific points that these items evoke - the exact tininess of their handprint, the faltering handprint, or the particular moment in time they relate to.

OP only kept a small treasured selection and they meant something. I'd be utterly devastated. I also suspect her H's motivations.

Seriously who throws away a folder without looking inside to check what is in it and if he checked surely he would know it had been put in a file for a reason? YANBU. I would be so upset too.

Yanbu. I'd be fuming too. My mother tossed all my Enid Blyton books over 45 years ago and I still get raging!!.

However, a memory can be triggered by those cheesy poems and smudgy handprints. I have so many things in my memory box that when I look at they make me remember something that I had completely forgotten about and in that moment it makes me happy..I'm sorry if you have never had this experience but please dont be so judgemental and rude about people, to who things like that matter and hold sentiment