Tricky situation

is a compromise for your child offering to meet for a drink after the meal?

Go to a pub where you can order at the bar or through an app.

Cannot believe some posters are saying you should pay for him!

At a lot of restaurants these days (especially pub ones) there’s QR code on the table where you can scan it then order your own food / drinks to the table (and pay immediately for what you have just ordered) - it was popular during Covid. Maybe find one of those restaurants?

Going out with your freeloading ex who probably hates you is nothing like going out with friends. OP knows him well and wouldn't put it past him to pull some stunt to get out of paying.

Surely it’s no different to a meal with friends or work? Just get the bill at the end, work out what you are going to pay for you and kids, pay that then the card machine goes to him for his share?

I couldn't be on with any of this telling restaurant or waiter beforehand because that potentially then is creating drama and an atmosphere throughout the meal.

I disagree. She doesn't need to stand up and be dramatic about it. Just discreetly go over at some point early on to let the staff know that his bill is separate.

Don't be paying for any of his. Not food, and of course not drinks.

Don't let it stress you out.

Just outright ask him “will you just be paying for your food or do you intend to buy the children’s meals, or just the child celebrating or just add the wine to the table?”

I think that’s makes it clear. Also, as soon as the waiter comes over, make it clear you want two bills.

Bit late, if he has conveniently forgotten his wallet. Needs sorting before anything is ordered, and duty manager will be happy to ask to see a current card
mush easier to sort before hand than at the point of the bill at the table

This.

When the bill comes just say "would you like to cover half or just your own?" Covers the issue and, if he just pays his own, makes him look like a mean asshole in front of his kids. Mission accomplished.

I couldn't be on with any of this telling restaurant or waiter beforehand because that potentially then is creating drama and an atmosphere throughout the meal.

Make sure YOU ask for the bill (from experience restaurants tend to hand it to "the man" FFS!).

When they hand you the bill simply say "oh I'll pay for mine and the kids"

Job done, no drama.

This

This.

be the bigger person for their sake - regardless of how much of a (insert appropriate expletive) you think he is.

Why do people tell OP to do something that she's made very clear would upset her, for completely valid reasons?

'Surrender your boundaries' is such terrible advice.

I'd choose a restaurant with QR codes on the table so you can each order as you go. Or a pre-pay set menu, or order at the bar etc. Anything that prevents him from shirking out of his share at the end.

Another waitress here, quite happy to set up separate bills. You could also ask to speak to the duty manager when you get there or even call up before hand, and have the clear conversation at the table with the manager, and your cheapskate ex, who will be paying for what. Can you also tell the duty he has form for not paying, so the duty might like to take an impression of both your cards before the meal, and then charge accordingly.

you also need the tough conversation with the DC who has invited dad, that this is not on you, and you will not be paying and if it ruins the experience well, then we all know what sort of a freeloader he really is.

Any chance he'll just walk off and stick you with a big bill? I'd be worried about that. You could make it know to your server he's paying for himself, no idea if that will make him behave like an adult or not.

Not sure how fancy a place you are hoping to go but some places will let you pre order online, and may prefer with a party of larger than 6 - you can always ask if they'd let you pay upfront for food (drinks bit more tricky)
Several places now also allow you to order and pay on apps/online from your table, might be worth checking if that's a thing anywhere nice in the place you're visiting. He could then just do his own

I’d book somewhere you order at the bar / counter then when the time comes, tell him to go up himself to sort his.

option one: Say loudly at the start when the server first attends your table “Hi, could we please have a separate bill for myself and these 2/3/4 “kids, he will be paying separately”

Option 2 - Say is discreetly, tell server you would like two bills and how it’s split. Two bills will then be bought out. You know he won’t offer 50/50 but can you trust that he won’t leave prior to the bill? Maybe make restaurant aware of who he is early on and say he will be having a separate bill and he needs to pay in full so please be vigilant. Not sure how this works as I’ve never attempted to dine and dash.

Do the kids understand what he’s like? Can you warn them that this is what your going to have to do?

For me, I would tell the child that I would rather he doesn't come and tell why. I think kids should be told these things .

The restaurant will most likely allow split bills.

I would organise that in advance. I’d also tell the DC so that they know this is what you are doing. Just say something like “I’m so looking forward to celebrating Jill’s success. Just so you know I will be treating you all. I don’t have the funds to pay for X and will let him know but I’m sure he will be happy to cover his own cost”.

Then think about the best way to tell X in order to cause the least amount of fuss. Would a note that you give him when you arrive work?

Take plenty of cash. When the bill comes, hand him exactly the right amount to cover you and the kids and say “There’s our share.” Approach the server separately to give them a tip.

This