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AIBU?

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Original poster

Work Event vs School Disco

165 replies

PineapplePrincess · 24/05/2023 21:44

Sanity check please…

I have an overnighter for work. Select management community, first time I’ve qualified to attend despite a long history working for the company. Evening dinner (finishes by 10pm) followed by all day workshops. Starts the next day at 8:30am. Even if I didn’t do the overnighter there is no way I would get to the venue for an 8am start with childcare, traffic, etc.

I’ve chosen to stay over. Something DH was not exactly pleased about at the time, but he’s entirely capable of looking after our two DS. (Last work overnighter was 2-3years ago, for context.)

Overnighter coincides with oldest DS(9) disco. Something I wasn’t aware of at the point I agreed to go. DH is now refusing to take DS to disco, which DS is distraught about.

It would be awkward with school finishing (DS walks home at 3pm) nursery pick-up (latest 6pm), dinner, disco drop off (7pm), disco pick up (8pm) and bed downs. But it’s not impossible. I’ve suggest options to make things work - e.g. order pizza for dinner, skip the evening baths, let the boys stay up a bit later, ask neighbour (who’s son is also attending) to pick DS up at end of disco. The school and nursery are literally next door to our house, so it’s not a huge trek just cumbersome.

But he’s refusing to consider any options which could make the disco work. And it’s my fault DS can’t go.

I’m feeling so guilty and kinda wish I could cancel, but now worry it’s too late as company would be charged hotels costs and my last minute withdrawal would likely be ‘noted’.

DH is making it sound like off for a fun night on the town with my friends, abandoning him and kids - when actually I’m dreading the whole thing. I’m not familiar/ friendly with most people who are attending - I feel a bit obliged to go but also recognise (through recent work coaching) I need to push out of my introverted ways and expand my network. I’m hoping doing so will help me make my day job easier, which is not easy currently and quite demanding.

I just feel horrid, but I’m pushing ahead and going despite really wishing I wasn’t.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Weller123 · 24/05/2023 21:57

Except it isn’t your fault that he can’t go to the school disco, it’s your DH’s fault. Really unreasonable of him to take out his own petty dislike of you working on his own son!!
Stick to your guns. You can’t feel guilty for somebody else’s inadequacies.

RandomMess · 24/05/2023 21:55

You have a DH problem.

cocksstrideintheevening · 24/05/2023 21:53

Well he's a prime twat isn't he?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 24/05/2023 21:53

What a twat!

I used to love picking mine up from school discos. Your Dh sounds like a real delight. How mean can he be?!

cocksstrideintheevening · 24/05/2023 21:53

Well he's a prime twat isn't he?

TokyoSushi · 24/05/2023 21:51

Wow, your DH is being absolutely awful, like really horrible. Poor DS

SavvyWavvy · 24/05/2023 21:51

Your husband is a selfish, incompetent, mean twat.

Chickychoccyegg · 24/05/2023 21:51

Your dh is being a complete dick .
Even if it wasn't a works event, you have plans, so he has to parent, there are plenty options to make everything work, as you have listed.
I'd just tell dh to get a grip and that he needs to take ds to his school disco.

Oysterbabe · 24/05/2023 21:49

He is a cunt and I would be trying to find a way to make sure DS can go. Can't he have a play date with someone else who is going and they could take him and collect him? There must be a mum friend you can recruit to help.
Your DH is a cunt. Just to make that clear.

StonwEd · 24/05/2023 21:49

No no no!!
having just returned from my first ever work conference, you have to go! that opportunity to network us invaluable, I never really knew until I did it! Nice hotel is a bonus too 🙃
he absolutely has to sort it, neighbour doing pick up and drop back is obvious solution but at 9 and school next door I’d be tempted to tell ds he can walk home after 🫣 but mine are much older now so I don’t know how realistic that is.
Do not back down!!!

Lcb123 · 24/05/2023 21:49

He’s being ridiculous, and frankly, I couldn’t tolerate that attitude towards my career / job. Go on the trip, and insist he take them to the disco.

BathshebaKnickerStickers · 24/05/2023 21:49

i’ve done a trillion school discos. Speak to a friend’s Mum who is going through the same horrrible experience of the school disco and see if you can arrange something that leaves DH and his inability to do admin out of this. I always had 2 or 3 extra wombles on disco night

Digestive28 · 24/05/2023 21:48

Asking a favour is such an easy solution. Not doing this is just spiteful and using kids as currency in his argument with you.

MrsRickAstley · 24/05/2023 21:48

And even if it was a fun night ?! So bloody what. Is that not allowed ???

MrsRickAstley · 24/05/2023 21:46

He's a massive KNOB !!! That's my two pennies.

Do not back down. He won't not take DC.