Work Event vs School Disco

Just to be clear, it’s not your fault your ds can’t go to the school disco. Your dh is quite capable of taking his son to the disco and looking after his other child at the same time. How would he cope if he were a single parent, would no one do anything in the evening?
fwiw, dh works shifts, so is quite often not here in the evening and with 3dc, I’ve done more than my fair share of trekking around dropping off and collecting the dc from various school things/clubs/activities. It doesn’t make for a relaxing evening, but it’s what parents have to do.

Your dh is an arse hole, and lazy too. This is barely an effort, just normal run of the mill for many families with children.

I wonder what his agenda is. Is it’s to make you feel bad? Keep you in your place?

your ds won’t forget.

He's being a knob!
Using your son's emotions to make you feel guilty? Prize prick

Stand your ground, be matter of fact this is whats happeneng, you will not be canceling the work trip and you have arranged for somone to take and pick him up. Thats it end of story, you are going he can either make life difficult for you all and facture your relationship or he can accept it and shut up and get on with it. His choice eitherway you are going. Dont entertain his crybaby spoilt behaviour you are not his Mum its not your responsibility to parent DH. End of story.

Be strong go and have a good time.

He is trying to get you to not go clearly. Tell him it won't work. Tell him there is an option on the table to allow D's to go but as it's him in charge when you're on your overnight then you'll leave the decision up to him. Then don't engage further. I bet he takes the neighbour up on her offer.

Your husband is an arse. I would honestly walk out of my husband thought it was ok to take it out on our children, that I was going away for a night. Tell him to grow up and take your child to his disco or to pack his bags and leave. His behaviour is toxic and manipulative.

He's using the school disco as the perfect stick to beat you with. In other words, he's a cunt.

This would be the first and last time he pulled this kind of stunt in my house.

While you're away email a divorce lawyer. He's a twat.

Beautifully put "sunlight on it"

Your DH is being deliberately obstructive to make DS upset your fault.

You ask the neighbour and include the fact your DH is being a knob over it.

I'd be telling your husband that if he continues to play games you will be explaining to the other mum exactly what the situation is.
He will publicly look like the knob he is.
And yes I'd consider splitting over his stupid selfish attitude.

Can child go straight to neighbours house for dinner and getting ready? You can leave disco clothes with neighbour in advance. That way husband can't sabotage anything or make child miss it due to late dinner.

I'd be leaving him for this. Unreasonable prick. Controlling and he doesn't trust you.

Make sure child knows plans and that neighbour knows you're married to a prick.

Don't pull out of event. He's doing this to see if you will. Is he often spiteful and unhelpful like this?

i would like calmly tell him that you are asking the neighbour and yes you will be telling the neighbour why he is not doing it. He won’t like that one little bit. This behaviour needs sunlight on it.

Suspect he would be fine with the neighbour walking your kid there if it facilitated something he wanted to do.

Do not pull out of this work event.
I know it's tough seeing your son upset but you need to provide a bit of space for it to be clear that he is responsible for your son's upset.
In the long run your son will benefit from his dad being forced to face up to how much his selfishness is upsetting his son. I suspect he will fold when you stand your ground and when your son turns his upset on his dad directly

He sounds weird and ridiculously controlling. Ok he can't sort himself to take DS but he won't allow someone else to? He's punishing you and in turn punishing DS.
Why would you want to stay married to someone like this?

See if neighbour would have DS straight from school and drop back a after the disco so H can't sabotage.

Haven't voted as not sure what you are asking if you are BU about.

You dh OTOH is being vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv UR.

What an utter knob.
Does he not consider himself to be their parent ?
Why is he so incapable ?

You have nothing to feel guilty about. In truth, you wouldn't even if it were a night out on the town with your mates.

The fact of the matter is, one of your dcs' parents is there, looking after them, and yet refusing to do what every normal parent does and facilitate getting one of the dc to something very reasonable that they want to go to.

Cross post

ok, you have someone and he is still refusing.

It seems like he is trying to sabotage your career.

What an awful horrible man he is. Poor kids. It's not your fault he's a bad parent.

Spiteful. To his own family. He resents you having a life and is happy to upset his own child to make you feel shit. He doesn’t deserve a nice family. Normal people try to make those they love lives easier not sabotage them at one stroke. Arrange with the neighbour go over his head. This is a hill to die on op.

This is 100% a husband problem.

If he really won’t back down, I would triage by finding another person to get your child to the school disco. It is going to look ridiculous because you have a perfectly capable husband there not doing it, so I would just be honest about why you need the help. Otherwise there might be some family member or school mum posting on mumsnet wondering why they are running around getting your kid to the disco while the father sits at home. This isn’t the time to protect him as he doesn’t deserve protection.

This makes it so much worse.

Even when you have found someone else to take DS to the disco, he still finds a way to ruin it.

He is right that it's the responsibility of the PARENTS to look after their children. NOT just the mother. In any case, he is refusing a perfectly suitable childcare arrangement.

He is punishing your child to hurt you. That's all there is to it.

IT sounds like everyone would be better without such a sit man in the family

He stating it’s our responsibility to look after DS, not to palm him off on others when we have something better to do.

For our, read 'your'.

For we, read 'you'.

He really doesn't like the possibility of you having a career, does he?

I'm sorry but he's a spiteful shit husband and dad. I'd go fucking apeshit if my DH acted like this.