Work Event vs School Disco

Tell him you are speaking to the neighbour and if he even thinks about trying to ruin anything for either you or your son because he is a petty jealous prick then you will not forgive him nor will you forget.

It would be awkward with school finishing (DS walks home at 3pm) nursery pick-up (latest 6pm), dinner, disco drop off (7pm), disco pick up (8pm) and bed downs. But it’s not impossible. I’ve suggest options to make things work - e.g. order pizza for dinner, skip the evening baths, let the boys stay up a bit later, ask neighbour (who’s son is also attending) to pick DS up at end of disco. The school and nursery are literally next door to our house, so it’s not a huge trek just cumbersome.

I mean, I read this and I thought so fucking what? Isn’t that just everyday primary-school parent life? Have more than one kid, suck up some day to day scheduling inconvenience. You live next door to school and nursery, it could hardly be less inconvenient, really. He shouldn’t need you to suggest skipping baths and ordering pizza for a fucking school disco pick up. Wanker.

Tough for DS but he will get over it. I think it's really important you go, stand your ground and set yourself up career wise as your DH is an abusive arsehole. Is he controlling in other ways?

And it’s my fault DS can’t go.

No, it’s not. It’s 100% your D(ickhead)H fault.

The only conceivable way it’s your fault is because you had children with a selfish arsehole. And you get a free pass on that because so many of them are.

Arrange it with your neighbour. If your DH wants to then unarrange it he’ll have to explain directly to neighbour whilst looking like the selfish twat he is. Social embarrassment will mean he won’t unarrange it.

OP, your update makes your DH sound worse if anything, dismissing a perfectly good solution as if he's in charge. Why is he able to dictate what you do and don't do? He sounds really controlling, and the fact you called your first post a 'sanity check' suggests that he has you doubting your own judgement.

"Dh, are you sure that you want to let our dc down by refusing to take him, ok, then I will speak to the other parents/ teachers and tell them what a knob you're being the situation, maybe someone can step up for you help me to get our son there without you".

Then tell the world what an arsehole he's being.

So he’s against you furthering you career, and he’ll punish your child to get to you. I could not be with someone like this. What a deeply unpleasant and sad little man he must be. Pathetic.

*twat

My phone doesn't like me swearing 😁

Is he always a complete that, or is this a first.

i like the earlier suggestion of showing him this thread.

"D"H .... If you do read this, You are a prize knob. Awful to your poor child, awful to your wife.
Give your head a wobble and ask yourself why you are being so nasty.

He is an absolute cunt.
and a shit dad and an even shitter husband. How DARE he emotionally blackmail you like this?

I cannot imagine punishing my child to hurt my spouse. But, I'm not a twatwaffle.

I would definitely make arrangements for the neighbor to take him. I would make arrangements for the neighbor to pick him up from school so that he goes straight there that day. And possibly spend the night as well so that your husband doesn't have the opportunity to put the kibosh on it.

Stick to your guns.
Ask your neighbours (and say why)
Reevaluate your relationship with your arse of a DH.

Well I thought he was an arse before but this confirms it.
Yes it is his responsibility to look after DS but he's not willing to put himself out to do that. Looking after doesn't just mean feeding, bathing and putting to bed, it means facilitating important (to DS) activities. He won't do it, you are busy with work so have offered to facilitate (via the neighbour). He doesn't get to say no to the arrangement. He is meant to be an equal parent to you - not a parent who gets to overrule arrangements you have made in DS best interests.
Stay firm OP. Has anyone suggested he is being reasonable here?

He is deliberately hurting your son to punish you what an utter utter cunt

That sounds pretty controlling, hope you are ok.

Does he feel out of his depth with the kids? A lot of dads do and don’t admit it - not excusing him putting it on you though

Wow, I never say this but would really be thinking hard about continuing this relationship. It's not even the ridiculous sulkiness of having a tantrum because you're going away for the night, it's not even that he's prepared to hurt his own child to hurt you (though tbf that really is enough!) it's the absolute lack of regard or respect he clearly has for you and your career. Nasty little man.

I agree this is perfectly put. Sunlight on it. Exactly.

That’s horribly cruel of him. I don’t know how any parent could treat their child in such a way.

Of course too must go to the work trip, but your child should also be able to go to the disco.

Could your neighbour collect him straight from school and even have him the whole time so that your nasty DH doesn’t get a say? I’d be thinking of LTB after something like this.

I would turn it back on him

Yes it is OUR job to parent
But being as YOU selfishly will not do it, I will parent by organising something that makes sure OUR son does not miss out on something because his Dad is being selfish, spiteful and mean

What an absolute dickhead. Am not sure I could get past this level of twattishness

Jesus, we once didn’t go on holiday on a certain day because it was DD’s first school disco. Can you arrange a sleepover with a friend of your sons so it is out if his hands? Absolutely don’t back out of your work event. I’d be insisting on going to relationship counselling after this is done to see if you can get past this. Is he always controlling or is this something new?

Honestly, men like this would deliberately upset their own child to make a point. I wouldn’t hedge any bets he would just take him.

God this is the most repulsive and nasty thing I’ve read. What a complete and utter arse. He is using your son to punish you for daring to advance your career. He is using your so to punish you because he is a fragile little boy who is scared of his wife having a more important job than him. This is nothing to do with bedtimes or his ability to parent.

As PPs said, neighbour and tell them why. And then make plans to leave. What a fucking arsehole.

Please show him this thread.

Was just about to say the exact same thing.

You will go to the work event. Your son will go to the disco and if necessary people will know that your husband is a twat.

I couldn't stay with someone who deliberately hurts his son to punish his wife.