Work Event vs School Disco

What a complete twat your H is. He's hurting your child to punish you for what? Daring to have a career? Going away for a night and forcing him to parent?
I'd be thinking long and hard about continuing a relationship with such a selfish arsehole.
Honestly, I hope he sees this thread so he can see how many people think his behaviour is deplorable.

Your dh sounds like a total arsehole. Speak to ds friends parents and ask if he can have a sleepover with anyone going to the disco. Then go to your work event, I hope it goes well. When you return ditch your useless selfish dh.

What a knob of the highest order!

Personally, I'd remove him from the equation, and ask your neighbour if your DS can go to theirs for tea after school and she take them to and from the disco. I wouldn't be shy about letting them know why you're having to ask (ehem, your husband is a cock). Once conformed, inform your DH and what a pillock he's being.

Your DH is the problem. I have 4 kids incl 1 with special needs. I've been going away every week for 2 nights a week for the past year. Not ideal at all and it's coming to an end thankfully but DH has put up with it and handled all sorts of activities and awkward timings on his own in my absence. Particularly difficult as the youngest is only 2yrs old and she is the one with additional needs.
I support however I can by asking favours of friends and neighbours for him (he doesn't like asking favours but then if i don't he would just get on with it) but otherwise he gets on with it. As he should. Probably with less self pity and complaining than i would in his shoes!🤣
No way would he not take our kids to the disco in my absence that's just ridiculous.

Your dh isn’t on your team at all; he’s selfish and he’s unkind. He clearly thinks all kid related stuff is your responsibility even though you also have a job and things to do - definitely go to your event and think about whether you want to stay with someone so selfish

It's not your fault DS can't go.
It's 'D'H

What a crappy thing for him to do to his daughter. Poor lass.

He's a horrible man who's hurting his child to hurt you in order to control you. He'd have to be particularly spectacular in other aspects of our life for me to want to stay with him. Ugh.

I try not to say nasty things about people's husbands on here but in this instance, sorry, he's a selfish pig.

Wow.

What worries me most is not the school disco scenario (which he is being a selfish arse over btw). I get it's a faff.

But the attitude towards you and going away with work is in my view unacceptable, and the refusal to ask the neighbour. It's controlling and nasty, with the intent to make you feel so bad you don't go again.

Run as far as you can, this man does not have your best interests at heart. This is not love it's control. You deserve someone who treats you as an equal partner and upholds your right to a life outside as well as within the home.

He's an abusive twat. It's not "palming him off" it's offering a play date swap which is perfectly normal.

Does your son ever go to friends for tea?

I agree this is likely the tip of the iceberg. You should go to the work think because you're going to be a single parent sooner or later. Hopefully sooner.

Agree with all the above. If at all possible arrange for your son to go home from school with a friend who is going and whose parent can take them both. Ideally have him also stay over at that friend so your husband doesn’t have a chance to rain on his parade after.
school discos are usually badly timed but they mean a lot to the kids.

your dh is a nasty vile knob

I found reading this incredibly distressing for so many reasons.

First that your Dh is willing to treat his child and his wife in this way
Second that you seem to believe that you are somehow at fault
Third that this is likely going to taint your DHs relationship with you and DS forever. It’s the kind of selfish act designed to hurt you that is really really hard to get over.

Go to your work event. You need to keep your career going. But re-evaluate your marriage. This man does not have your back. He does not care about your children. Think carefully about what that means for you. I’m so sorry. No one should be treated like this

TBH I'd be telling him his inability to be flexible for his son's happiness was an incredible turn off for me and I'd be unlikely to be having sex with him anytime in the next six months if that was the case.

How skin-crawlingly pathetic of him.

How can you bear him?

Your husband needs to be told to stop being a dick. If he wants to make life difficult for you he needs to realise that you can and will return the favour.
The reality is that you need to go to this over night work event. It's a chance for you to meet people, gain more knowledge, show off your skills ect. Preforming well at work events like this can get you noticed by people in your organisation and can help you move up or sideways at a later date.

Tell your husband that for your job you have to go to this event and him doing this is not going to change your mind. Tell him since it so hard for him to put himself out for you and his child you will be asking your friend to collect and bring his child to this event and you will also tell her the reason why.

Ask him would he like his child to be told that your father is to mean to put himself out to bring you to and from this event?
Ask him does he want the parents in your son's class taking about him?

Then after you say this lock your bedroom door and tell him he can sleep on the couch.
Don't do any cooking or washing for your husband for a few days. A few night bad sleep on a couch and no wife work that makes his life easy he might just cop on.

My feeling is that he quite happy to let you carry far more of the load. The reality is that if you
both work their are going to be times that one of you have to work late or travel. The other person then steps up to mind the kids ect. I am sure he has no problem when due to your salary that as a family you have a better living standard rather than trying to manage on 1 income.

Your husband is an asshole. The fact that he will let your son miss out to “punish” you is horrible. If this is out of character for him I would show him this thread to hopefully make him realise how unacceptable his behaviour is. If it is another example of him being a controlling man I would rethink the relationship.

And it’s my fault DS can’t go.

Its been said many times but it's worth saying again. It 100% is NOT your fault

If this is the first time DH has acted this way then its a "I have arranged with Neighbour to take DS to the disco. If I find out you cancelled this arrangement and DS doesn't go then we are over. This is your one and only warning that I won't be pushed around and emotionally blackmailed."

If its not, if you can look back and see a pattern you hadn't noticed before, if you've ever felt controlled then it's time to look at LTB asap and putting plans in place for DC whilst at this works event without using DH

Yes. It's a school disco for 9 year old, not the GCSEs. She's clearly in a very misogynistic, if not abusive, relationship and she needs to prioritise her career. Backing out now will be very damaging work wise. For the sake of her son's future, she needs to have a solid career option and have options for the future.

I would not be putting up with this childish behaviour and would be telling him to wind his neck in and remember he is the parent too and not just a babysitter

To go in a sulk and deny your DS a party just because he is in a mood is unforgivable

I bet everything I own that if it was him on a works trip your DS would still be going to that disco!

So you think her DS should miss the disco because OP’s twat of a husband won’t take him there, and wont allow a neighbour to take him either?

DH is a massive knob. Tell him I said that

Your DH sounds incredibly spiteful but I'm wondering does your son actually need dropping off and collecting if you live beside the school?

I am not LTB advocate usually, but I agree. I would struggle to be in a relationship of any kind with someone that could be so cruel to a child. I get that it's inconvenient, but parenting is inconvenient. And it looks like there are quite a few good solutions available.

I don't say this easily, but I would find it really hard to move past this. What a nasty, spiteful man. I would seriously consider ending the relationship over this - he's showing how little respect he has for you, and for your child.