Work Event vs School Disco

Dh was doing a massive race on our family holiday a few years ago. I developed a sudden dental emergency and we had to go to a foreign dentist over there so he missed his race as only he spoke the language and dds were young. Not one word of regret or moaning about missing it. Family first.

It’s one of those incidents that sounds small but actually isn’t. If the person you are married to is working against you - what’s the fucking point? In a family you all work together where possible to support those in the family. Otherwise you are not really a family at all.

I'm away for work next week for the whole week. DH has said have fun if you can. He's more than capable of looking after the dds. As he's not a prick.
It's 1 night! He should be able to take ds to a disco! Definitely ask your neighbour.
What happens if you needed to go away for longer?

Is your husband always an idiot?
Some men seem incapable of doing things if it means a slight bit of disruption to their comfortable lives, and this sounds very much the case here.

Nothing about those disco logistics sounds difficult, unless you want it to be difficult.

Definitely go to the event and network. You'll need this job and its salary when you leave your husband.

He's doing it to punish you. I bet there is other evidence of bad behaviour from him too.

But the point is @PineapplePrincess , even if it was a 'fun night out' (which, hopefully it will be anyway!), your DH is still being so unfair in trying to guilt you into not going. You're allowed fun nights out, you're allowed a night away from your children. It is not your fault if your DS doesn't get to go to the disco (although there are no reasons why he shouldn't), it's entirely your DH's.

Personally, I'd sort it with the neighbour so your DH has no choice, if you know he won't ask and won't take himself.

But do not cancel, his selfishness does not trump your need to go to a work event.

I would ask your neighbour if your ds could go there straight from school and go to disco with them. Your dh is a controlling arsehole but I’d be surprised if this is the first time he’s been horrible. Do you normally back down?

But why is this such an issue for him? Having to walk to school an extra time sounds something that's just not optimal. But neither is most things with kids! So why this martyr act for doing basic parenting?

So he’s using your child’s distress to punish you? Nice.

Speak to the neighbour, ask if she could have DS for tea and take him to the disco, and you’ll return the favour over the summer. Remind your DH that he should be prioritising his child’s happiness and well-being over his own petty grudges.

Would he see it as ‘palming off’ if similar arrangements were made to accommodate his work?

Ask neighbour as suggested.

Hope the work event is at least tolerable.

Please, please ask your neighbour to take your DS. Don't let him miss out because your husband is a spiteful prick.

Talk to your neighbour and see if they are able to take your son and collect.

Talk to your son, make sure he knows it will be his responsibility to be dressed and ready on time.

Then talk to your husband, in front of your son "son understands he will be getting himself ready for x time and popping next door to Sheilas. Sheila will was him round and then bring him back at end of night so there is no extra work for you DH as I know you were struggling to manage".

Then if your shitty husband wants to poo poo the plans it is very clear it is him with the problem and nothing to do with you as you have arranged a solution that requires no input from your husband.

That is controlling and cruel.

Show him this thread.

He needs to do better and try harder.

He’s punishing you for daring to go to this work event.
Make sure DS knows that it’s DHs fault if he can’t go not yours but I would try and get another Mum to help (I would have happily) for your sons sake

I'd be tempted to invite his parents to come and stay. Explain that you need to go away for work and that DH has expressed concern that he won't be able to manage the children and their activities on his own.

I'm sure with an extra 2 pairs of hands to help, he'll be fine...

He's a fucking knob. Make arrangements with a friend and ask your DH if he really wants to upset your child for the sake of his pathetic point scoring?

I would also hazard a guess that this isn’t the first time this Prince among men hasn’t behaved like this when he doesn’t get his own way.

honestly OP I am so furious for you. What a nasty controlling prick that would hurt his son like this just to stop you having a life away from the house.

Seriously, LTB. This is how a normal conversation would go:
"I'm going on a work overnighter. It's DS's school disco."
"That sounds interesting. Have a good time."
And that is it.
I've no idea how you are as a person, but I know that you deserve better than being with him.

He stating it’s our responsibility to look after DS, not to palm him off on others when we have something better to do

oh right

when is he quitting work to be a SAHD then?

What a fucking horrible man! I couldn’t stay with someone like this. He clearly resents you and hates your kids!

DH is a knob.
how is the relationship generally?
I know people are quick to jump to 'LTB' but is this out of character or normal for him.

oh and of course ask the neighbour and tell your child that the neighbour will be picking them up

Your husband is a mean, nasty, lazy, useless cunt emotionally blackmailing you Do not back down. In fact I’d turn the tables on the emotional blackmail and tell him if my child missed that disco you’d be rethinking the marriage. Because it’s not really about the disco is it. It’s because he sees you and your kids needs and desires as less important than at worst mildly inconveniencing himself.

Please just ask the neighbour. Don't let him control that for the sake of your ds. Otherwise he will project onto your ds it's your fault he can't go.

Make the arrangements - I would seriously be considering my future with him after that as this will just be the tip of the iceberg.

I was a single mum to 3 after dh died. These scenarios often happened when they were younger but no way would the dc miss out - yes it wasn't always ideal but we managed - help of other parents; change of routine etc.

He is being absolutely ridiculous. Your poor ds will have to listen to the other kids talking about it afterwards. Don't let your dh make that decision - go to the work event and arrange the playdate.