Who should pay?

Original poster

Helendee · 24/05/2023 15:39

Thank you everyone.
A, somewhat reluctantly (😁) gave his card details in so problem solved.
Thanks for the replies.

OP posts:

steff13 · 24/05/2023 12:39

The point is, if there is damage done by the dog and the OP has paid the damage deposit she doesn't think that her son-in-law is going to reimburse her. That's probably also true if damage is done by him or OP's daughter or granddaughter. And if that's the case then why shouldn't he put down the damage deposit? OP can always pay him back if she or her husband does any damage.

Aprilx · 24/05/2023 07:03

It is a damages deposit, I presume there would be a hold whether the dog is there or not so I don’t really see the logic that they need to provide the card for it. I also don’t see how you can be so sure that if there is any damage it will be done by the dog. My dogs have never damaged anything, far more likely that I would drop a plate or spill something than my dogs would damage something.

Equalitea · 24/05/2023 06:58

Agree. Dog doesn’t come or they pay the security deposit.

Alongtimelonely · 24/05/2023 06:55

I’d just brazenly say it to dd and her dp: “you want to bring the puppy; no one else is likely to damage anything; it’s only a hold on the card just in case but it makes no sense for it to be on our card as any damage the puppy does you’ll have to repay us, so you may as well just accept the charges on your card in the first place.”

if he’s tight, stepping lightly won’t get you anywhere. And if he says no then tell him the puppy can’t come then.

PaigeMatthews · 24/05/2023 06:41

Helendee · 23/05/2023 23:10

My daughter does work, very hard but is not well paid and her money goes in the twins and her own personal bills.
He pays for their mortgage and food and that’s why she stays I believe.
Where else would she get decent housing these days? He has a desperately unhealthy relationship with money but isn’t a bad person and he is actually a very good dog owner.

Then she needs a better job. Can you help her with that?

Original poster

Helendee · 23/05/2023 23:10

My daughter does work, very hard but is not well paid and her money goes in the twins and her own personal bills.
He pays for their mortgage and food and that’s why she stays I believe.
Where else would she get decent housing these days? He has a desperately unhealthy relationship with money but isn’t a bad person and he is actually a very good dog owner.

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/05/2023 23:04

Just saw your additional update - it sounds even worse! I’d be putting my energies into getting her away from this abusive man not going on holiday with him.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/05/2023 23:03

Wow, just read your update and he sounds horrible and financially abusive. I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with him at all! And why on Earth are they taking on the expense of a dog if they can’t be bothered to pay for their own dc?

Back to your question, yes it either goes on their card or dog doesn’t come. But doesn’t your Dd have a card for their joint account/ joint credit card?

PaigeMatthews · 23/05/2023 23:02

Helendee · 23/05/2023 23:00

@VioletMountainHare

You are spot on there, he literally hates spending a penny. We have to work a few more years before we can retire as we practically paid for our granddaughters’ upbringing as our daughter was a stay at home mum and he paid for the roof over their heads but but nothing in the way of clothing, books, toys, presents, days out and anything other than the most basic of food.

The bigger issue sis surely getting your daughter and granddaughter away from a financially abusive man.

why isnt your daughter working? Why does she find it acceptable for you to pay for everything?

Original poster

Helendee · 23/05/2023 23:01

@JudgeRudy

My daughter doesn’t have a credit card, she works but has very little money spare.

OP posts:

Original poster

Helendee · 23/05/2023 23:00

@VioletMountainHare

You are spot on there, he literally hates spending a penny. We have to work a few more years before we can retire as we practically paid for our granddaughters’ upbringing as our daughter was a stay at home mum and he paid for the roof over their heads but but nothing in the way of clothing, books, toys, presents, days out and anything other than the most basic of food.

OP posts:

JudgeRudy · 23/05/2023 22:58

Helendee · 23/05/2023 21:49

We are going away for a break next week with with our daughter, her partner and our granddaughters.
At the time of booking they didn’t have any pets but have since acquired a puppy which they’ve asked to bring along. I’m not really a dog lover but we didn’t want the little chap to be put in kennels so agreed to it.
We have to give a £250 deposit to cover damages which is fair enough but I feel it’s only likely to be the dog that will damage anything and so I asked if they would give their credit card details for the deposit.
My daughter’s partner is incredibly tight with money and I know I will be very lucky if he were to reimburse me for damages caused. He is not happy about putting his card through though.
AIBU?

I think it would be usual for whoever booked the holiday to use their details however l understand why you're doing it this way. You say he's reluctant but presumably hasn't refused. Why can't your daughter use her fard then? Presumably they both own the dog.....or stick it in kennels.

VioletMountainHare · 23/05/2023 22:48

Helendee · 23/05/2023 22:42

Problem is I very much doubt he will pay me back and I really don’t want to pay for their dog’s damage, should it occur.
I wish I hadn’t said yes to the dog coming now.

The solution is either the deposit goes on their credit card. Or if they refuse, the dog can no longer come and they can fork out for a kennel. The fact he’s digging his heels in tells you you’re right, if there is damage caused by the dog he won’t cough up if the deposit is on your card.

Original poster

Helendee · 23/05/2023 22:46

@ToBMarried24

Yes I agree but they don’t actually take money from your card and then give it back if nothing is damaged, they put a hold on it so I’m not sure that we could split it.

OP posts:

ToBMarried24 · 23/05/2023 22:42

The £250 damages charge isn’t added because there is now a dog. You always had to pay it so it should be 50/50.

Original poster

Helendee · 23/05/2023 22:42

Problem is I very much doubt he will pay me back and I really don’t want to pay for their dog’s damage, should it occur.
I wish I hadn’t said yes to the dog coming now.

OP posts:

steff13 · 23/05/2023 22:40

It's a deposit, so the get the money back if there's no damage, correct? I'd make them cover it. If he wants his $250 back then he can make sure his puppy doesn't do any damage. Obviously if you or your husband inadvertently do some damage then you would want to reimburse him for whatever issues that you caused. But I agree it seems most likely that the puppy would be the one doing any damage.

Bunce1 · 23/05/2023 22:40

The deposit is for everyone and any damage not juts because of the puppy though?

Bunce1 · 23/05/2023 22:39

I think you should pay and if the puppy causes the damage then they cough up.

beepbops · 23/05/2023 22:30

They absolutely should. Zero question. Cmon. Dogs are their owners responsibility, without the dog that fee wouldn’t have to be paid

Crumpleton · 23/05/2023 22:29

Is the puppy crate trained?
I'd be more concerned about night times when no one's up and around to keep an eye on the puppy.

But no, YANBU.

marshmallowmatcha · 23/05/2023 22:21

There's more of them than you so they should pay it. If they won't then sorry no holiday bye

Original poster

Helendee · 23/05/2023 22:18

Bunce1

We arranged it between us and paid half each.

OP posts:

Bunce1 · 23/05/2023 22:05

Who organiser the trip? Did you invite? Has everyone paid a fair share?