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AIBU?

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Original poster

Parents’ Will

41 replies

tigger2022 · 22/05/2023 11:48

I hope this is the right place to post.

Last week my mum told me her & my dad had made me executors of their wills, I guess because I’m the oldest. I’ve been so anxious ever since.

I’m a worried person in general, and my parents are relatively young (late 50s/early 60s) however they are not in the best health so I worry about them in general…

But this has added a whole layer of anxiety. I’m financially ok-ish at the moment given the cost of living crisis: I’m a single mum paying solo for a baby fulltime at nursery which is very expensive, I have my own mortgage, and obviously things like energy bills, council tax, etc so I’m making ends meet just about basically.

My parents have a lot of debt, they are always short of money and borrowing from people including me, they also have my brother and sister (both late 20s) living with them. My brother has a job but doesn’t pay rent to them or anything like that, he sometimes loans them money too. My sister is a NEET, she basically doesn’t do anything, she’s not even on benefits, she lives off them and is quite a bully - they are all a bit scared of her. And they have 2 really badly trained dogs that I normally don’t let anywhere near my baby.

So now I have all this anxiety that not only will something happen to my parents, but also that I’m suddenly overnight going to either have all of their debt payments to make each month, their mortgage, their gas, their electricity, their council tax, which I absolutely can’t afford OR I’m going to have to evict my siblings to sell their house (which would involve making my sister homeless or - this brings me onto my next anxiety - having to take her on as another dependent, and she has very expensive tastes which is why my parents are always broke, as well as these dogs I’m too scared of having around my son).

Also they are hoarders and there is SO much stuff in their house, would I be responsible for sorting all of that or getting rid of it?

Obviously the ideal scenario is they don’t die! But all this anxiety is keeping me awake. I was already worried about their health because obviously I want my parents around, but now this too. I also feel a bit upset they didn’t ask - AIBU? - because it feels a bit like they don’t want to solve these problems with my siblings and with their junk while they are alive and are offloading it all onto me.

Does anyone know if there is a way around it? Do you have to be an executor if someone put it in their will? I didn’t sign anything to say I would be and they only told me about it after the wills were already done. I would forego inheriting anything if that’s what it takes, I really don’t want this responsibility.

OP posts:
Messageina80ttl3 · 22/05/2023 13:21

Suggest your patents put health & financial power of attorney in place too if you are in UK. The process can be found on www.gov.uk

Welcome to GOV.UK

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http://www.gov.uk

Thesharkradar · 22/05/2023 13:05

I think your parents have done this because they want you to feel responsible for your two siblings, however...you have no duty of care towards these two adults whatsoever.
Do not enable them!

Partytastic · 22/05/2023 13:05

I think the biggest problem will be where will your sister live. You may have to evict her. How long do your parents have left on the mortgage?

Thesharkradar · 22/05/2023 13:03

If you can play it right being the executor will be an advantage for you OP.
They sound very dysfunctional, I would keep a distance from them and when the time comes you can work everything to your advantage but don't get involved with all the craziness.

Rosesbloomingnow · 22/05/2023 12:59

Also you can get house clearance to clear the house, estate agent and solicitor to sell the house, all this comes from the estate or proceeds of sale if no cash available prior to sale, and if you pay for any costs the estate reimburses you before any remaining funds are split in accordance with the will(s).

Rosesbloomingnow · 22/05/2023 12:57

Tbh I think you should be the executor. You don't take on debts. You are the person the solicitor will deal with. Your siblings would probably take a bad situation (ie when your parents die) and make it worse. Whereas you will do what needs doing, when it needs doing - which is why they picked you. Yes they should have spoken to you about it first. Have a read of the links PP have posted. It's being the person that signs things off. All their debts get paid from their estate. If there's not enough money in the estate, the debts don't get paid.
If your sister is homeless she'll have to sort herself out, don't let her move in with you. She sounds awful.

Tinkerbyebye · 22/05/2023 12:49

You can decline the role

as executor you would be responsible for taking forward the wishes of the will, and yes clearing and selling any property.

You will not be responsible for any debt, if there is insufficient in the assets to cover then they will be written off

you are not responsible for your siblings, they find their own place to live and you do not have to have your sister living with you

girlfriend44 · 22/05/2023 12:46

over50andfab · 22/05/2023 12:16

There should be more than one executor- who is/are the others?

not necessarily, our oldest sib was the executor.

LakeTiticaca · 22/05/2023 12:45

They will probably be around for years yet so don't worry about it. Any debts will be repayable from the estate and you certainly won't be responsible. Definitely decline the role if you feel you won't be able to handle it

over50andfab · 22/05/2023 12:16

There should be more than one executor- who is/are the others?

Nordicrain · 22/05/2023 12:16

You won't be responsible for their debts/ bills.

You can decline the role.

If there is money in the estate I would always recommend appointing solicitors to manage it.

VanCleefArpels · 22/05/2023 12:14

The executor(s) can appoint a solicitor to deal with the estate so your role would literally be to sign some paperwork

Onekidnoclue · 22/05/2023 12:02

You aren’t responsible for debts as an executor. But it is a lot of work so there’s a time cost. If you don’t want to do it don’t! You can say now and they can amend the will or keep quiet and just resign as executor once they’ve died.

Sissynova · 22/05/2023 11:59

You are not responsible for their debts or bills by being an executor for their will.

NeedCoffeeNowPlease · 22/05/2023 11:53

Of course you can decline the role. Can you ask the solicitor who drew up the will for advice? Can you talk to your parents and discuss your concerns?

As far as debts, I don't believe you are responsible for taking those on. Either the estate will cover any debts, or they will be wiped (if the estate hasn't got enough in it). That's my experience anyway and local laws may vary.