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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you be concerned ?

85 replies

ManorHall7 · 21/05/2023 08:14

We have neighbours that are regularly leaving their 8 and 5 year old alone. This week 3 times however 1 time only for about 5 minutes it appears whilst one was coming home from work and one going to work in evening.

Would you be concerned ? And do anything ?

OP posts:
AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 21/05/2023 22:29

Pixiedust1234 · 21/05/2023 20:45

No comment regarding a 5yr old being left? Nothing?

Commented on that before but ok

Thegoodbadandugly · 21/05/2023 21:35

ManorHall7 · 21/05/2023 10:15

I said once it was 5 minutes the other times longer. Now how can any child be safely locked inside their own house 🙈🙈🙈. ??

If the children are locked in the house what happens if there is a fire? Sorry it's a safeguarding risk for me.

Gymmum82 · 21/05/2023 21:20

15 minutes is fine. Hours less so. I leave my 9 and 6 year olds alone for short periods up to 10-15 minutes for similar reasons. They have a phone. They know how to call me. I know what they are doing and I trust them to be fine. Usually just sat watching their iPads.
She might be on FaceTime to them the whole time she’s gone until her husband is home. You don’t know that

MayBeeJuneSoon · 21/05/2023 21:10

ThinWomansBrain · 21/05/2023 08:20

How much time do you devote to twitching your net curtains?

'Net' curtains??

Showing your age...surely nobody has those anymore?

ManorHall7 · 21/05/2023 21:09

Sapphire387 · 21/05/2023 20:15

Wtf is wrong with you people - now another neighbour is stalking them via cctv?! Did they watch the footage from the entire 24 hours to see if another family member turned up or left? This is ridiculous tbh. If you are genuinely concerned, why don't you try talking to the parents themselves?

They aren't the sort of people to approach and I think this is why the other neighbour hasn't either.

I am obviously wrong to have genuine concerns.i leave my 11 year old for short periods but wouldn't leave my 7yr old l.
Especially if they are bickering etc it takes minutes for something to go wrong

OP posts:
ManorHall7 · 21/05/2023 21:07

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 21/05/2023 20:37

If you're neighbours CCTV is so focused on their house then your neighbour is breaching data rules around CCTV...

No they have had it checked by police prior to installation. I am not watching them. It's come about the last week as neighbour is concerned I noticed once they had said it. I am in and out and working.

But it's concerning 🤷🏼‍♀️. I mean they could be leaving them longer etc etc neighbour isn't watching them constantly

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 21/05/2023 20:45

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 21/05/2023 20:37

If you're neighbours CCTV is so focused on their house then your neighbour is breaching data rules around CCTV...

No comment regarding a 5yr old being left? Nothing?

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 21/05/2023 20:37

ManorHall7 · 21/05/2023 20:05

No neighbours helping. Family live 5 minutes away not there. The initial neighbour who spoke to me originally has some timings captured on their cctv. (I don't need a debate about that) yesterday apparently they were left whilst parents went down the road to another neighbour for 20 minutes.

I don't think an 8 year old in charge of a 5 year old is sensible. I wasn't immediately going to call social services -but having grown up in care I wish my people had been more mindful of my situation. Perhaps the school is a better option

If you're neighbours CCTV is so focused on their house then your neighbour is breaching data rules around CCTV...

nofluffsgiven · 21/05/2023 20:22

I have 5 kids and my oldest two are 12 & 13 (nearly 14) and I started leaving them at home for occasion trip to the shop since they started secondary school. I figured that if they're old enough to walk to get the bus in the morning and walk from town to school (about 1km) then they're old enough for a bit of freedom. I would never leave my 8 year old or 5 year old with them though. Leaving a 5 year old for any amount of time is shocking imo

Sapphire387 · 21/05/2023 20:15

ManorHall7 · 21/05/2023 20:05

No neighbours helping. Family live 5 minutes away not there. The initial neighbour who spoke to me originally has some timings captured on their cctv. (I don't need a debate about that) yesterday apparently they were left whilst parents went down the road to another neighbour for 20 minutes.

I don't think an 8 year old in charge of a 5 year old is sensible. I wasn't immediately going to call social services -but having grown up in care I wish my people had been more mindful of my situation. Perhaps the school is a better option

Wtf is wrong with you people - now another neighbour is stalking them via cctv?! Did they watch the footage from the entire 24 hours to see if another family member turned up or left? This is ridiculous tbh. If you are genuinely concerned, why don't you try talking to the parents themselves?

Mojoj · 21/05/2023 20:11

Wow! You must be permanently stationed at your window with your stopwatch. Maybe get a life and mind your own business?

ManorHall7 · 21/05/2023 20:05

No neighbours helping. Family live 5 minutes away not there. The initial neighbour who spoke to me originally has some timings captured on their cctv. (I don't need a debate about that) yesterday apparently they were left whilst parents went down the road to another neighbour for 20 minutes.

I don't think an 8 year old in charge of a 5 year old is sensible. I wasn't immediately going to call social services -but having grown up in care I wish my people had been more mindful of my situation. Perhaps the school is a better option

OP posts:
Gremlins101 · 21/05/2023 18:15

Not having all the information...

I would knock on the door and offer that when you are in, their kids are more than welcome to come in for short periods to wait for the other parent to come back.

As someone with no family around, I often go to my neighbours for help and I'm lucky to live on a good street like that.

Curseofthenation · 21/05/2023 17:56

I don't think anything would happen if you reported it to SS unless the children were not being cared for in other ways. I spent my summer holidays looking after my two younger siblings (aged 4 and 6) all day when I was 8. A police officer came by with our dog as he had got out. It was quite clear that we were home alone but the police officer didn't bat an eyelid. They probably wouldn't be that lax now (I'm early 30s) but I wouldn't expect them to care about children being left for 15 minutes. The law is vague...

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 21/05/2023 17:00

15 minutes max?
Doesn't sound like neglect but rather necessity

Time to be a good neighbour, talk with them and offer your help

Firstttimemama · 21/05/2023 16:47

I think YABVU to consider taking action for such a short amount of time. If we were talking for hours, then yes ok. But for short periods of time there is really no issue. I was regularly left at home on my own from the age of 6/7ish. Society has gone mad

Freefall212 · 21/05/2023 16:47

I would not report them, they are clearly doing it out of necessity and latch key kids was for decades the way of life. They may well have riased their kids with more independence and responsibility than you have. Watching them come and go and standing and timing them to see what dirt you can get on them to report them is just the opposite of being a good neighbour. If you are concerned, offer to have the kids at your house for 5-15 minutes until the other parent is home, or offer to check in on them. Be a good neighbour.

Pixiedust1234 · 21/05/2023 16:43

Even if the 8 Yr old is mature enough to be left on their own for a while it doesn't mean they are capable of looking after a 5 Yr old as well. You just need to go on the parenting section to see grown adults cant always cope with a 4-5 Yr old.

Contact SS and let them decide. They might be able to offer some form of help or guide them to appropriate resources.

autienotnaughtym · 21/05/2023 16:35

princessconsuelabananahammock91 · 21/05/2023 09:27

I honestly cannot fathom reporting someone to social services for this, as suggested by other posters.
If you otherwise believe the children to be well cared for and this is your only concern, why would this be your first choice?

This is what my parents had to do when we were young, it's the only way they could afford to pay the bills and put food on the table, by working opposite shifts.

You have no idea of the set up, they could have cameras monitoring them, they could be on a laptop zoom call with a grandparent, or they could be happily sitting in front of the TV for 5 minutes.

If I had no other concerns and the children look happy/healthy, I'd just mind my own business.

Social services aren't a punishment. They are a service there to support vulnerable /mistreated children. The parents may not appreciate the risks they are taking. Or they may not care. They may be entitled to additional support which may benefit them. This could be a small part of a bigger picture. Worse case scenario if nothing is actually wrong is ss contact the family find nothing wrong and take no further action.

DojaPhat · 21/05/2023 16:34

silverspoonsz · 21/05/2023 09:51

An 8 and 5 year old left alone for 5 minutes, safely locked in their own house, a few times a week? And you want to report this to social services? 😂 😂

Just be honest and admit you have an axe to grind with these particular neighbours.

Nope. not even an axe to grind. It's simply the enjoyment of interferring, helping, enforcing child protection and so forth. The thrill, for people like the OP, doesn't come from a grievance at wrong doing - it's simply chance, opportunity, boredom and a grandiose sense of self-importance.

AngryGreasedSantaCatcus · 21/05/2023 16:28

DorritLittle · 21/05/2023 11:41

I have worked in social services and leaving kids so young is definitely something that would concern them enough to warrant talking to the parent.

And then what?

Veryverycalmnow · 21/05/2023 16:14

I don't think children that age should be left alone, BUT how can you possibly know who is in the house, unless you've got a hidden camera- they could easily have a relative or friend staying over or even a childcare professional. What evidence do you have, other than the parents' timings?

thoughtsofmoog3 · 21/05/2023 15:53

*Of course if the kids are underfed, frequently out alone after dark, there are constant sounds of arguing etc, that would worry me - but a normal family, nope, all good.

thoughtsofmoog3 · 21/05/2023 15:52

I would have been fine and dandy when 8 years old for 5-10 minutes, even looking after a younger sibling.
Not for hours, but certainly for a short period of time. There again, I have a certain amount of common sense and my parents weren't hysterical.

PracticallyFlooredZero · 21/05/2023 15:44

If it’s a matter of a few minutes I think it’s ok. I’d check what their set up is. Maybe the children are on the phone to a parent or grandparent while they are being left. I agree it’s young to be left alone though.

I had a neighbour confront me saying she’d seen me let my boys into the house after school and leave them alone while I took my baby for a walk in the pram to get her to sleep. What she didn’t know was that my husband was in the house working from home. Id sent him a message saying I was letting the boys in and to keep an ear out for them as I needed to get the baby to sleep and they didn’t want to keep walking round with me. He’d text me back to say ok and off I went, was back in 5 mins but my neighbour just assumed I’d left them alone. I’m glad she checked with me before going off to social services!

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