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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I racist?

41 replies

Imaginationcreation · 17/05/2023 19:12

I’m asking if aibu, because if so then of course I will apologise and educate myself further.

I live in a house share and have done for around 3 years. Around 3 months ago, lovely tenant moved in to replace someone else and we get on fine, in fact I’d say we were sort of becoming friends. She is of Indian descent ( I believe this is relevant).

HM (housemate) likes to cook with lots of spices, and makes delicious food (has cooked for us all) and uses a lot of strong garlic, turmeric and other spices.

The issue is is that the smell of this cooking is so overwhelming that it’s started to get into the furniture and onto mine and other HM’s clothes. For example, I used to keep my coat in the hallway on a peg but it now smells so strongly of cooking and these spices from the kitchen and someone even commented at work. It seems for some reason to linger for days. I would feel the same about any cooking smell etc such as bacon or whatever If that was lingering on.

Anyway, the other day I went to make a coffee in the morning before work and again when I got into the car I noticed that my handbag even smelt of cooking/food and these spices - so next time when my HM was cooking, I did go in and open a window to sort of air it out and she asked what I was doing, and I explained I was just trying to air out the cooking smell as it lasts a few days usually.

Now my offhand stupid comment has upset my HM and she messaged me later on to say this was food from her culture and she thinks that I was racist by trying to air it out and make her feel uncomfortable for cooking it and she has even messaged the landlord and accused me of racism.

I just feel beyond upset as that wasn’t my intention, and I don’t know how to proceed as she has blocked me on everything and is actively avoiding me in the house now. I just work in a professional role and really don’t want my things to smell of any food at all or for others to notice.

So was I racist to mention the cooking smell? And if so, how do I re-educate myself and apologise without seeming insincere?

OP posts:
MyBestScarf · 17/05/2023 19:26

You have done nothing wrong. My mum is Asian and I hate it when she is cooking as she opens every door and window in the house, as she is paranoid about everything smelling of curry.

Your flat mate sounds rude and selfish to me. Not you.

Fortunesmiles · 17/05/2023 19:26

Your housemate sounds like a dick - she actually told the landlord you were racist for that comment? Madness! And I say that as someone of S Asian descent.

You don’t need to “educate yourself” 🤔

Ace56 · 17/05/2023 19:25

This reply has been deleted

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hattie43 · 17/05/2023 19:22

For gods sake have we really come to this . Stop the crap about educating yourself . You aren't a nasty person , people make mistakes . No one wants their clothes stinking of anything whether that be spices or smoke or fox poo.

Meeting · 17/05/2023 19:22

Not racist at all.

If you live in a shared space then it's unreasonable to do anything that constantly intrudes on other people's senses (anything that smells strong, noisy, looks messy etc).

Needmorelego · 17/05/2023 19:21

I hate the smell of a "traditional" English Sunday dinner/Christmas dinner. I have been known to have to go stand in the back garden on a freezing cold xmas day because the stink is doing my head in.
I am English.
It's not racist to dislike certain food smells.

Karmakamelion · 17/05/2023 19:21

I'm Indian and I air my kitchen/ house to stop it smelling of cooking. Not at all racist

saveforthat · 17/05/2023 19:21

The world has gone mad now really, it's racist to open a window to air a kitchen whilst cooking a curry.

Lomaamina · 17/05/2023 19:21

I don't think you were racist, but opening the windows, rather than speaking to her first to ask if she minds, was at the least impolite (I say this as someone who cooks spicy food, and whose husband annoys me by switching on the extractor rather than asking me to do so. Perhaps I'm too easily offended too, for that matter Grin).

MissyB1 · 17/05/2023 19:20

corlan · 17/05/2023 19:17

Your housemate is being oversensitive. It's not racist to dislike the smell of strong spices, especially when it permeates your belongings.

This 👆
I would hate my clothes to smell of any cooking, just like I would hate them to smell of smoke. You have a right to open the window, and when she asked you why you were truthful.

Original poster
Imaginationcreation · 17/05/2023 19:20

It’s an incredibly tough situation I agree because she is offended but ultimately I don’t want to go to work smelling of food whether this be spices or bacon or anything.

OP posts:
GoodChat · 17/05/2023 19:17

It's not racist to open a window because a smell lingers.

corlan · 17/05/2023 19:17

Your housemate is being oversensitive. It's not racist to dislike the smell of strong spices, especially when it permeates your belongings.

Quinoawoman · 17/05/2023 19:17

MaggieBsBoat · 17/05/2023 19:15

YABU for thinking that you need to reeducate yourself.
She has a right to be offended.
You have a right to say you don’t like everything you own to stink.

Luckily she didn't say that everything she owned stank, otherwise that would be really out of order.

Quinoawoman · 17/05/2023 19:16

I think this is really difficult. I had a colleague once (teacher) that tried to insinuate that a child was being neglected because their clothes smelled of Indian food (the child was Asian) which I thought was quite an insulting thing to say, so I can understand why your housemate is sensitive about it. No particular advice but your explanation does not sound unreasonable and I hope you can manage to sort it out.

MaggieBsBoat · 17/05/2023 19:15

YABU for thinking that you need to reeducate yourself.
She has a right to be offended.
You have a right to say you don’t like everything you own to stink.

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