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Original poster

Child never picked..

111 replies

Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 15:43

My child's communion is in a couple of weeks & loads of children have been given roles in the mass... My dc had her reconciliation in Feb, the teacher said whoever doesn't get a role will have something in the communion mass.. My dc has been given nothing in this either & is so disappointed. Especially as the teacher said that those who didn't get a part in the reconciliation would have a part in the communion mass.. I feel so disappointed on my childs behalf, please talk sense into me. I don't want to be that parent!

OP posts:
Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 18/05/2023 05:25

@Fruitful82 I actually haven't slept. I hate any kind of confrontation. I suffer from anxiety & have been second guessing myself all night...

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Fruitful82 · 18/05/2023 05:10

Idontknowwhy1 · 18/05/2023 00:40

Another bump before bed!

attention seeking or what?!!

you have the email. Job done. Nothing to do but wait

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 18/05/2023 03:19

@Findyourneutralspace no to clarify the teacher said those who have a role at reconciliation won't get one at the communion. Hoever 4 children have a role in both..

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Findyourneutralspace · 18/05/2023 01:52

I wonder if it’s been a bit lost in translation and rather than ‘those who didn’t have a role at reconciliation will have one at communion’ it’s actually a case of ‘if you had a role at reconciliation, you won’t have one at communion’.

Subtle difference that could easily be misunderstood by a 9 year old. Are there actually enough roles for everyone?

Ours just had a few alter servers and a prayer/reading, but not everyone had a formal role. For the girls the dressing up was a large part of it (boys just had a red tie).

lakesummer · 18/05/2023 01:33

OP you seem a little anxious yourself about this as well.
I think you have to wait for a response to the first email before sending another.

How involved is your dc in your local church? Is there any opportunity for some of these roles there, or are they already doing them there?

BritInAus · 18/05/2023 01:24

Since when was one quick, short, polite question to the teacher (either in person or email or messaging app) something that would make a parent the 'laughing stock of the staffroom'? This is just bizarre.

"Hi teacher. Hope you're having a good week. Just wanted to confirm - does XXXX have a particular role in XXX event? He seems to think everyone has a role but I'm unsure. Thanks!"

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 18/05/2023 01:07

Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 23:10

Chatting with DH here & it seems a number of kids were chosen for singing roles.
Dc did the afterschool singing club (the only one out of the whole year, only 11 kids in total was badly attended)
Dc loved the afterschool singing club! Said that the teacher who ran the club helped choose the kids for the singing roles.. The afterschool club wasn't cheap either!

Should I send a continuation email about the after school club in the morning or wait until the teacher replies?

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Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 18/05/2023 00:40

Another bump before bed!

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Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 23:11

Sorry should have said only 11 kids from the whole school did the weekly sing club, dc was the only one from the year..

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Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 23:10

Chatting with DH here & it seems a number of kids were chosen for singing roles.
Dc did the afterschool singing club (the only one out of the whole year, only 11 kids in total was badly attended)
Dc loved the afterschool singing club! Said that the teacher who ran the club helped choose the kids for the singing roles.. The afterschool club wasn't cheap either!

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JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/05/2023 22:59

I'm glad you've sent an email. Even if nothing changes you've politely made the point...

It's really tough when your child is constantly overlooked. Especially when they'd really like to take part.

And for those who posted that OPs child needs to learn 'it's just one of those things'- they did that at the earlier reconciliation so it's fair that OPs child feels upset.

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 22:09

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/05/2023 21:50

Isn't this a good time for the blah blah meek shall inherit chat?

Not religious but isn't this stuff sort of the point. I mean in my house it would be "life isn't fair" and move on. My DD was never picked either. For the opposite reasons (total PITA when she was younger!).

Email sent let's see what the reply is if I get one...

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Jonei · 17/05/2023 22:01

GuiltyGeraldine · 17/05/2023 21:51

Would you say the same to a Jewish or Muslim poster?

Show quote history

Of course they wouldn't.

GuiltyGeraldine · 17/05/2023 21:51

Shadyladyo · 17/05/2023 16:08

Give up religion?

Would you say the same to a Jewish or Muslim poster?

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/05/2023 21:50

Isn't this a good time for the blah blah meek shall inherit chat?

Not religious but isn't this stuff sort of the point. I mean in my house it would be "life isn't fair" and move on. My DD was never picked either. For the opposite reasons (total PITA when she was younger!).

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 21:43

Apologies, shameless bump😩

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Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 19:25

TheYearOfSmallThings · 17/05/2023 17:28

I would have a word with the teacher in person rather than sending an email.

And I would not give a shit about the staff room laughing at a parent for asking that their child should not be overlooked. Some children are, especially if they are quiet and easygoing and tend to be compliant, and their parents are the same.

I've emailed. I work full time so I'm neither at drop off or pick up.. Not expecting a reply obviously until school hours tomorrow, if I even get a reply! Not sure what I'm expecting the outcome to be tbh but at least I didn't let it go. I necer need to contact dcs teacher so hopefully it's taken in the right manner.

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Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 18:29

@GoodChat I'm not expecting dc to be given anything.. Chatting again there & it transpires that at least 4 children with parts at the reconciliation have parts again at the communion..

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LadyMonicaBaddingham · 17/05/2023 18:21

Nordicrain · 17/05/2023 18:09

Equitable picking of children is probably the least of the problems with the catholic church.

Here we go... 🍿

lanthanum · 17/05/2023 18:12

"he said teacher said if somone had a job at the reconciliation they wouldn't get one at the communion service"

This does not imply that someone who didn't have a job at the reconciliation WOULD get one at the communion service. There are probably aren't enough "jobs" to go round, even between the two. They've just said that the same kids won't be used twice, to give as many as possible a chance.

May I suggest investigating whether there are jobs he can do at the regular services? Some churches have youngsters acting as servers, or they might be able to join the rota for reading lessons, or there may be other regular jobs.

GoodChat · 17/05/2023 18:10

Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 18:06

@GoodChat no just about my own child who is genuinely very upset. Some kids might not want a role or might not care.

No they might not but it'd make it less obvious you complained if other children who'd been missed out were given roles too

Nordicrain · 17/05/2023 18:09

Equitable picking of children is probably the least of the problems with the catholic church.

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 18:06

@GoodChat no just about my own child who is genuinely very upset. Some kids might not want a role or might not care.

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GoodChat · 17/05/2023 18:03

Did you mention the other children who haven't had jobs in either?

Original poster
Idontknowwhy1 · 17/05/2023 17:59

@LadyHag I've just sent a very polite email highlighting how upset dc is.
I'm not sure if the outcome will change but I'm glad I advocated for my dc & I guess I would be kicking myself if I let it go..
When I was growing up it was the kids of prominent families (my mum calls them "the big shots" my dad called them "the big shits😂), pta kids & teachers kids who got everything. My mum never dreamed of complaining for fear of being branded a" troublemaker "...

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