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Original poster

To have just exploded today

162 replies

Cantstandbullies · 16/05/2023 23:39

I’ve name changed because it’s outing but tbh I have nothing to be ashamed over.

I’ve posted in the past about this bully in my sons class (y6) about him saying sexual things to my son & to other kids, the school had to ring social services over him.

I have always tried to remain dignified at the school even though I really wanted to say something to his mum, who has never once apologised for her sons vile behaviour. Even though the school have had to ring SS over him & keep him away from my son.

my little one has Cystic Fibrosis & had a feeding tube fitted recently, I got a call today from the school saying he’d fell on school tires & hit his tube. Let’s just say when I got there it looked like he’d been in a road accident how bad it was. The blood everywhere. Had to take him home & see the stoma nurse. Thankfully it’s ok now.

I get a text off my sons friend. They go to the same school, saying “her son wanted to tell her that the bully pushed my son on the tire & made him fall on his tube but he knows my son is to scared to tell me” I asked him after physically getting on my hands & knees & begging him because I just knew he was hiding it. My son went grey. I’ve never seen anyone go that colour. He finally caved.

He’s been picking on my son AGAIN when the teachers haven’t been looking, the past year has been horrific. Now it all makes sense. The weight loss, the picking at his lips to the point every part of his lips have no skin just scabs, the pulling his nail beds to pieces, I asked him months ago, was the bully in question bullying you again, please tell me you’re in no trouble. I’ve always made it clear he will never ever be in trouble he just needs to talk to me. But he’s put on such a bravado that he truly convinced us he was just down over his CF, so he’s been seeing the CF Psychologist.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore & I approached the bully’s mum (with the intentions to tell her to actually have words with her son) Soon as I approached her in the most non confrontational way she jumped on the offensive, I just exploded. Told her to keep her horrible nasty bullying son away from mine. I’ve had enough. I absolutely went off on one. I’m not proud of it but I’ve watched my son go from the most loveliest, kindest boy to a shell of himself.

He was pretending he was down because of his Cystic Fibrosis. I feel like I’ve failed him as a mum. I can’t stop crying, the school have done nothing at all. I don’t feel bad for the things I said to his mum though, her son is exactly the way he is because she can’t see no wrong in her son & that was so obvious today.

I know I’m not BU, (maybe some might say I am for even approaching her) I’d expect her to react the same had my son been the bully & I would wipe the floor with my son.

So now I’m in limbo, I just don’t know whether to home school him now but then I think why should the bully be let off the hook.

Im just distraught seeing my little sons face crumble. The colour he went was pure fear, it is scorched in my brain. I’ve had talks with him from when he was old enough to understand about how important it is to stand up for yourself but also that it’s ok if you are scared just tell me or your dad so we can fix it.

So sorry for going on. I’m just gutted. Sorry. I don’t even know what I’m looking for on here. I’m just so so heartbroken.

OP posts:
ChiefPearlClutcher · 17/05/2023 02:26

I would absolutely go to the police for something like this. The bully
is 11. That is old enough to know better.

AmeliaWarnerBros · 17/05/2023 02:19

@Cantstandbullies , firstly I'm so sorry this has happened to your boy.

As someone who was mercilessly bullied at school & left to put up with it for 4 years- with no support or protection- from the teachers, please get him out of there.

Get justice first by reporting the spiteful bullying little shit, then after an apology, say f off to that school - that place your son will want to never return to xx

Original poster
Cantstandbullies · 17/05/2023 02:15

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Coerced? I had no idea he had pushed him until my sons friends mum told me that her son had seen him do it. Why the hell would I coerce my son into something so vile like that. That’s just disgusting.

OP posts:
blackpearwhitelilies · 17/05/2023 02:14

I’m so sorry, OP. Sending hugs to you and your sweet boy.
my DS was desperately badly bullied in school and I never exploded at the parents. For what it’s worth I sometimes wish I had. At least your son knows you will defend him fiercely.
it is the loneliest, most wretched feeling in the world to see them be bullied. I am so sorry. You are not slone.

Liorae · 17/05/2023 02:11

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Kittylickingplate · 17/05/2023 02:02

Big hugs OP.

At least you didn't do this....
There was an awful bully at out school, a huge lad, strong, very good looking and charming but his behaviour was evil (sexual abuse IMO). The school tried but he was sneaky.
There was a younger boy he targeted for 6 months. In the end, the lad's father baled up the bully and told him if he didn't leave his son alone he would sneak in through his bedroom window and beat him up.
I was utterly horrified that he did that (and the fact that the father was a small, weedy chap, the bully would have eaten him for breakfast was not lost on me) but it worked.

20 years later I am still uneasy about it.
You went to an adult, you didn't bully a child.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/05/2023 02:01

Your chronically ill child was assaulted. Damn right I'd pursue charges. Criminally and civilly against the school, individual teachers, bully, his parents, whomever. I'm so sick of bullies being seen as victims.

CelestiaNoctis · 17/05/2023 01:52

It's time to get police involved, I think. Verbal sexual abuse, a potentially life threatening injury, disgusting. You need to take this as high as it goes. Take it to newspapers, get a petition to remove this foul kid. And take your son out of school for the time being, poor poor baby. I'm so sorry.

Fraaahnces · 17/05/2023 01:42

Poor little kid! The infection risk from this kind of injury is also huge! I think like people have suggested, I would formally lodge a complaint with the police. Be honest and tell them that you yelled at the mum afterwards (entirely understandable) and that this giant bully has been allowed free access to continue his reign over your very ill child, while the school has been blind to this.
The school needs to know that they have been utterly derelict in their duty of care to prevent this happening. That this child obviously has serious issues but has NOT been supervised while your child has been terrorized and abused. You do NOT believe that lessons have been learned and you do not trust that they have your child’s best interests at heart. Despite assurances from previous conversations re bullying child, they failed to keep your child safe and the consequences may very well have been fatal.

Autumntree · 17/05/2023 01:32

What a wonderful Mum you are OP. I'd give you a big hug!

Original poster
Cantstandbullies · 17/05/2023 01:29

graphic picture warning

Thanks again everyone, I am so appreciative of the support. I took a picture of his stomach but after I’d wiped most of the blood away so it doesn’t look half as bad as what it actually looked like at the start. I’ve attached it, but this was the mild state of it after I’d cleaned it at school. I just panicked & had to stop the bleeding then wipe his stomach. I had no idea at the time, that the bully had caused it until a few hours later.

I wish so much I’d have known so I couldn’t taken the picture straight away. But even the mild version of it is bad enough. I’m not posting the picture to be crude. I just want to give a visual of the state his tummy was left in. To show how serious it was. His shirt has been binned because the blood wouldn’t have came out I don’t think x sorry if this is graphic for people x

OP posts:
Beaverbridge · 17/05/2023 01:18

Good for you!!. Hate bullies with a passion. Your darling boy, how dare they. Yes take it further, let's face it, it's assault. Good luck.

Inkypot · 17/05/2023 01:11

@Cantstandbullies and @ladydimitrescu just wanted to say a massive well done to both of you for doing exactly what needed to be done for your children!

You have not let your child down at all, children are amazing at hiding things they don't want us to hear. You did the right thing in pushing for the information, it was necessary in this scenario. You also did the right thing in losing your cool with the mother, clearly she doesn't see the impact of her child's actions and hopefully this will get her attention. No excuse for that behaviour (the bully and the bully's mum, not yours- yours was more than reasonable!)
Regarding home learning etc, the best you can do is take it slow and be led by what your child is comfortable with.
You really are a damn good parent, please please don't be so hard on yourself. You've done well, you stuck up for your son against the bully, you are fighting his corner so that he feels and remains safe.
Hold him close tonight, let your heart rate fall into a rhythm with his and try to get some sleep if you can. You really are a good mother, promise FlowersFlowersFlowers

FFSFF · 17/05/2023 01:10

Cantstandbullies · 17/05/2023 00:58

How do I go about reporting it? I have no clue but it’s an option I’m really considering. Had the tube come out of his stomach it could have done some serious damage to another organ. Thank god it didn’t x

Show quote history

I would report the bullying, but also state you feel it's a hate crime, considering your son's disability.

FFSFF · 17/05/2023 01:08

Oh, your poor boy - well done for you OP.

My autistic daughter was mercilessly bullied at her previous primary school. A gang was bullying her every time the teacher's back was turned, and they also bullied her online. The one girl even tried to force poisonous berries down DD's throat. The school did fuck all.

Well, I finally went ape at the school and told them I'd be going to the police. Within days the two main bullies had left school (apparently 'moved to a different country'). The one with the berries was still there and the school still wouldn't do anything.

I was left with no choice but to move. The new school had a zero bullying policy that was actually upheld. DD was so very happy there. You may be left with no choice but to change schools, but please do tell the school this will be reported to the police, and then report it.

Give you little man a big hug tonight for being so brave.

Original poster
Cantstandbullies · 17/05/2023 00:58

Ingrowncrotchhair · 17/05/2023 00:57

The bully is 11?

report to the police, as PP said

How do I go about reporting it? I have no clue but it’s an option I’m really considering. Had the tube come out of his stomach it could have done some serious damage to another organ. Thank god it didn’t x

OP posts:
RobertaFirmino · 17/05/2023 00:57

Well done! You can bet your bottom dollar that this boy has learnt this behaviour from home. His mother has just discovered that you can be as nasty as you like but eventually, you will encounter someone far angrier who will put you in your place! Perhaps you have done her son a favour. If he carries on bullying, he will eventually encounter a bigger bully who will wipe the floor with him.
I envy your self restraint. You must have felt like slapping seven shades of shite out of her! So no, you mustn't feel bad. In fact, I FORBID you to feel bad. Much love to your boy, I hope this is the turning point for him.

Ingrowncrotchhair · 17/05/2023 00:57

The bully is 11?

report to the police, as PP said

DysmalRadius · 17/05/2023 00:56

Keep reminding him how proud you are of him for telling you! And be kind to yourself - the school should have been looking out for him and they failed massively but you can fix it, whatever that entails.

Original poster
Cantstandbullies · 17/05/2023 00:54

He’s currently in the middle of getting an EHCP. So I’m not sure where I stand with that at the moment. It’s looking likely he’ll get one but waiting for the decision.

The bully is 11 & built like a rugby player & my son is 10 & is extremely thin, due to his CF but now I know it’s also to do with the bullying & not being able to eat. That’s why he had a feeding tube fitted four weeks ago.

Im going in tomorrow with his dad, I’m making it very clear I want a meeting with the governors 100% & I just can’t put him back in whilst that bully is still there. He has zero confidence anymore & the signs were so obvious. Can’t believe I missed them. When he was off school after his tube being fitted, his picking of his lips stopped, they went back to a lovely colour pink, his nail beds looked immaculate, his face wasn’t drawn in & he would wake up every morning with his little spring back in his step.

Im getting myself upset about it again because I just feel like I’ve let him down horribly. But I keep reminding myself that I was always trying to get him to communicate but unfortunately he’s just a deep child & couldn’t. But he’s found his voice today & I am really proud of him. Looking at him after he confessed it was like a massive weight was lifted off his shoulders. X

OP posts:
DysmalRadius · 17/05/2023 00:54

If it's an option, I would take him out of that school. Whether that's on a permanent basis or just until you get a resolution you are satisfied with, but I cannot see any benefit to sending your poor lovely boy to somewhere that's making him so miserable.

(Full disclosure - we home ed for other reasons but I am eternally glad that it means I never have to worry about this kind of thing. Whatever you decide to do long term, a few days of snuggles and fun will make you both feel better about this ordeal!).

Time4achange2 · 17/05/2023 00:50

Good for you. What a great mum Flowers

VolAuVentsForTheComeback · 17/05/2023 00:47

How old is the other boy? Year 6 - is he 10 yet?

At 10, in England & Wales, the school cannot prevent you reporting an assault to the police. Schools may bang on about their 'procedures', and parents do try to follow them, but sometimes an assault is an assault and a school is unable somehow to protect the victim. There are times where the relevant staff and governors at the school need a reminder that a victim has rights too, no matter how troubled the background of the bullying child might be.

Also what pp said about asking for an EHCP if you don't have one, or getting your son's vulnerabilities added to it if you do.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/05/2023 00:45

Of course it wasn’t technically the right thing to do, but bloody hell it was the right thing to do!

goodness your poor lad. I hope you can get this sorted for him. He knows you are 100% on his side and that is golden.

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 17/05/2023 00:43

@PyongyangKipperbang makes a great point on emotions on/off.

Be as calm, and articulate as you can. Emotion often clouds or over takes the message so minimise it as much as you can.

It will come across as far more rational and can't be as easily dismissed as emotional or dramatic etc.

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