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Original poster

To have just exploded today

162 replies

Cantstandbullies · 16/05/2023 23:39

I’ve name changed because it’s outing but tbh I have nothing to be ashamed over.

I’ve posted in the past about this bully in my sons class (y6) about him saying sexual things to my son & to other kids, the school had to ring social services over him.

I have always tried to remain dignified at the school even though I really wanted to say something to his mum, who has never once apologised for her sons vile behaviour. Even though the school have had to ring SS over him & keep him away from my son.

my little one has Cystic Fibrosis & had a feeding tube fitted recently, I got a call today from the school saying he’d fell on school tires & hit his tube. Let’s just say when I got there it looked like he’d been in a road accident how bad it was. The blood everywhere. Had to take him home & see the stoma nurse. Thankfully it’s ok now.

I get a text off my sons friend. They go to the same school, saying “her son wanted to tell her that the bully pushed my son on the tire & made him fall on his tube but he knows my son is to scared to tell me” I asked him after physically getting on my hands & knees & begging him because I just knew he was hiding it. My son went grey. I’ve never seen anyone go that colour. He finally caved.

He’s been picking on my son AGAIN when the teachers haven’t been looking, the past year has been horrific. Now it all makes sense. The weight loss, the picking at his lips to the point every part of his lips have no skin just scabs, the pulling his nail beds to pieces, I asked him months ago, was the bully in question bullying you again, please tell me you’re in no trouble. I’ve always made it clear he will never ever be in trouble he just needs to talk to me. But he’s put on such a bravado that he truly convinced us he was just down over his CF, so he’s been seeing the CF Psychologist.

I couldn’t hold it in anymore & I approached the bully’s mum (with the intentions to tell her to actually have words with her son) Soon as I approached her in the most non confrontational way she jumped on the offensive, I just exploded. Told her to keep her horrible nasty bullying son away from mine. I’ve had enough. I absolutely went off on one. I’m not proud of it but I’ve watched my son go from the most loveliest, kindest boy to a shell of himself.

He was pretending he was down because of his Cystic Fibrosis. I feel like I’ve failed him as a mum. I can’t stop crying, the school have done nothing at all. I don’t feel bad for the things I said to his mum though, her son is exactly the way he is because she can’t see no wrong in her son & that was so obvious today.

I know I’m not BU, (maybe some might say I am for even approaching her) I’d expect her to react the same had my son been the bully & I would wipe the floor with my son.

So now I’m in limbo, I just don’t know whether to home school him now but then I think why should the bully be let off the hook.

Im just distraught seeing my little sons face crumble. The colour he went was pure fear, it is scorched in my brain. I’ve had talks with him from when he was old enough to understand about how important it is to stand up for yourself but also that it’s ok if you are scared just tell me or your dad so we can fix it.

So sorry for going on. I’m just gutted. Sorry. I don’t even know what I’m looking for on here. I’m just so so heartbroken.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
RollingInTheAisles · 17/05/2023 22:31

At least you know the school doesn’t give a shit and you can proceed accordingly (police, for one thing.) If they’d paid lip service you might still think they’d do something helpful.

Clutterbugsmum · 17/05/2023 22:29

I'm so sorry your DS and you are going through this.

I agree with contacting the chair of governors about the school's response to the bullying towards your son. Although I'm not sure how far yo will get considering how far the head is sweeping this under the carpet.

Report this to Ofsted as this is a serious safe guarding issue.

Is the school part of a academy if it is find out who you need to speak from the academy group. If not try to contact someone at your local council, they should have a department which deals with issues happening schools and the school are not responding too.

pickd · 17/05/2023 22:27

Cantstandbullies · 17/05/2023 15:32

Hi everyone. Unfortunately the school are not interested.

The headteacher who is the safeguarding also said, we have established it was an accident, my son & his friend are both saying it wasn’t. Basically calling my son a liar.

She said we can guarantee he isn’t getting bullied as we are monitoring them closely, I said if that was the case then how did he “accidentally push” my son? Basically went around in circles.

I gave them a chance so now I’m reporting it to 101 & my son isn’t going back to the school. I said, you have all failed my son. I knew you would find a way to defend the bully & yet again you’ve lost a brilliant pupil in favour for a horrid little bully.

Thank you everyone for your kind words. I’m not even going to waste my time meeting the governors because it’s all a clique with them. I’m simply reporting it to the police & I’ve contacted my local paper. I was this plastered everywhere.

My son has been like a cat on a hot tin roof today with worrying, so I’ve spent all day with him & just talked over everything again & said you don’t ever have to go back & he seems a lot better.

Thanks for the supportive messages. They have meant a lot x

You are an incredible mother.
Your son will remember for his whole life how you stood up for him and put his needs above all else.
I hope you and he are having a peaceful evening tonight and sending you both so much love and strength.
Not even going to say my thoughts on the school as I can't even put it into words but rest assured I am entirely on your side.
So much love.

Original poster
Cantstandbullies · 17/05/2023 20:37

dottypotter · 17/05/2023 20:33

I'd say the bully's home life needs investigating if he is doing this to your son.
She was lucky you didn't punch her one, and say everything your son touches my son I will.punch you in return.

In other words I did say that & now she’s saying she won’t bring her son to the school as she’s “scared” how typical considering her son has made my sons life absolute hell. Couldn’t make it up how much she’s played the victim to the school. Just shocking really x

OP posts:
dottypotter · 17/05/2023 20:33

I'd say the bully's home life needs investigating if he is doing this to your son.
She was lucky you didn't punch her one, and say everything your son touches my son I will.punch you in return.

cansu · 17/05/2023 20:07

MrsCharlesFrere
Op said that her child has been hiding it from staff and from her. How on earth is the school supposed to act if this is the case? OP said she begged her son to tell her.

Digitallis · 17/05/2023 20:02

To echo what @Ionacat is saying, some Chairs may have their emails on the website (ours don’t) but to be clear:

  • That might go directly to the Clerk not the individual. If it does go to the Chair, yes they will know but the first question will be about procedure
  • Governors shouldn’t be replying to individual parents questions so I’d be very surprised if Governor emails are available for this purpose routinely as was suggested upthread
  • The Board of Governors have statutory responsibilities which are strategic in nature. It is not answering operational questions from parents. In order for anything like this be addressed by them, the complaints procedure needs to have been followed as has been outlined
  • Only then can it be properly investigated and (hopefully) appropriate action taken

I’m not the safeguarding lead Governor but I would really take note of what @Ionacat has outlined.

DomPom47 · 17/05/2023 19:11

Ionacat · 17/05/2023 18:58

This is really poor advice. The governors can only be contacted through the proper policies and following them. We can do nothing if we’re just emailed and to be frank no parent has my contact details as a governor anyway. This has to come through the complaints policy. If action did need to be taken by the governors against the head, if proper policies and procedures weren’t followed to be frank it wouldn’t stick.

Ofsted may only be interested when the complaints procedure has been exhausted, but the reality is probably not unless they get several where the parents have followed the complaints policy through all the stages.

This needs dealing with and properly hence myself and several other posters are trying to give the advice that best allows this complaint to succeed.

Show quote history

Primary where my kids go in London there’s a Governors email where we as parents can raise issues.
This means the Governors are kept in the loop where there may be an issue. Of course they may say follow school complaints procedure etc but it means they can they ask questions which is their role.
I do take on board your comment about Ofsted and they may not do anything but as this is a safeguarding concern, who knows this may be one of x that they hear and may preempt a visit….

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 17/05/2023 19:10

Ionacat · 17/05/2023 18:58

This is really poor advice. The governors can only be contacted through the proper policies and following them. We can do nothing if we’re just emailed and to be frank no parent has my contact details as a governor anyway. This has to come through the complaints policy. If action did need to be taken by the governors against the head, if proper policies and procedures weren’t followed to be frank it wouldn’t stick.

Ofsted may only be interested when the complaints procedure has been exhausted, but the reality is probably not unless they get several where the parents have followed the complaints policy through all the stages.

This needs dealing with and properly hence myself and several other posters are trying to give the advice that best allows this complaint to succeed.

Show quote history

I used to be chair of governors at my local school and my (school) email address was on the school website.

I would've been happy to receive an email from the OP, so that I could have kept an eye on the situation in terms of seeing that the issue was at least being looked into.

Ionacat · 17/05/2023 18:58

DomPom47 · 17/05/2023 18:47

OP please still pass concerns to Governors in an email so you have paper trail of your concerns, they need to be help to account.

Also, please please call Ofsted, things like this must be raised so the school and leadership are held to account for not adequately safeguarding the children in their care.

This is really poor advice. The governors can only be contacted through the proper policies and following them. We can do nothing if we’re just emailed and to be frank no parent has my contact details as a governor anyway. This has to come through the complaints policy. If action did need to be taken by the governors against the head, if proper policies and procedures weren’t followed to be frank it wouldn’t stick.

Ofsted may only be interested when the complaints procedure has been exhausted, but the reality is probably not unless they get several where the parents have followed the complaints policy through all the stages.

This needs dealing with and properly hence myself and several other posters are trying to give the advice that best allows this complaint to succeed.

DomPom47 · 17/05/2023 18:47

OP please still pass concerns to Governors in an email so you have paper trail of your concerns, they need to be help to account.

Also, please please call Ofsted, things like this must be raised so the school and leadership are held to account for not adequately safeguarding the children in their care.

PumpkinPie2016 · 17/05/2023 18:12

You are not in the least bit unreasonable. You sound like you have been very calm up to now. We all have limits.

Your poor boy 😥😥 remember, at least he knows that his mum is defending him. And well done to his friend for speaking out!

Next, I would get an urgent appointment with the Head to discuss this further. You could potentially contact the police as well if you wish - by Y6, they are 10/11 and, as far as I recall (but it may have changed) the age of criminal responsibility is 10. At the very least, they may speak to the boy and his mother.

Very different as I was only a kid but I absolutely lost my shit at a bully once in primary school. I was probably about 8 and the obnoxious boy had bullied me (verbally) for months. Like you, my parents had spoken to school etc but nothing changed. I was usually a very quiet, well behaved child who wouldn't say boo to a goose but one afternoon, as I was getting my shoes in the cloakroom, he said something while sitting on the bench and I just walloped him one with my shoe 🙈 not my finest hour but he never said a word after that!

I hope you get sorted!

Pugdogmom · 17/05/2023 18:00

I am so sorry that this happened to your son OP..And am disgusted that school aren't taking this seriously enough.

I know you plan to home school, but is there another school he could go to?

Namechangebunfightcoming · 17/05/2023 17:58

Allbymyself44 · 17/05/2023 17:42

Absolutely agree with this. Ofsted won't touch it if complaints policy not followed. It's not their role and putting it in the paper will definitely make people think there's more too it. Follow the complaints procedure.

Show quote history

Agree also. Theres been loads of good advice on this thread of how to handle this through the proper channels. For a start, I would look for written records of everything the school has said today. Ask the head to put it in writing that they can 'gurantee' it was an accident.

Although I understand your anger and absolutely agree not to send DS back to an unsafe place,.

Allbymyself44 · 17/05/2023 17:42

Ionacat · 17/05/2023 17:37

I’m really sorry you didn’t get anywhere with the head. I posted upthread about how to handle this. Please don’t put it over the local media the best way to deal with a school is properly and via the proper channels. The school can’t and won’t comment on it, and it has the possibility of coming across sad face and that you aren’t genuine. You see them in the tabloid and most people go hmmm that’s not the full story. You lose control of the situation once it goes to the media. You can’t demand a meeting with the governors anyway, we wouldn’t be able to do it. And no we’re not all in league with the head, our governing body has no issue with tackling our head but it has to be done properly with through the right policies.

Complaints policy to the letter and follow it by stage by stage. Doesn’t matter if your child is at home for the moment. You may not get the result you want, but this is all documented and one of the things Ofsted will look for is how you’ve resolved or not resolved complaints.

Absolutely agree with this. Ofsted won't touch it if complaints policy not followed. It's not their role and putting it in the paper will definitely make people think there's more too it. Follow the complaints procedure.

Ionacat · 17/05/2023 17:37

I’m really sorry you didn’t get anywhere with the head. I posted upthread about how to handle this. Please don’t put it over the local media the best way to deal with a school is properly and via the proper channels. The school can’t and won’t comment on it, and it has the possibility of coming across sad face and that you aren’t genuine. You see them in the tabloid and most people go hmmm that’s not the full story. You lose control of the situation once it goes to the media. You can’t demand a meeting with the governors anyway, we wouldn’t be able to do it. And no we’re not all in league with the head, our governing body has no issue with tackling our head but it has to be done properly with through the right policies.

Complaints policy to the letter and follow it by stage by stage. Doesn’t matter if your child is at home for the moment. You may not get the result you want, but this is all documented and one of the things Ofsted will look for is how you’ve resolved or not resolved complaints.

ohfourfoxache · 17/05/2023 16:19

They sound horrendous

I’d encourage you to still go big and go formal with the governors and Ofsted as well as what you have planned

Rafferty10 · 17/05/2023 16:13

legal

Rafferty10 · 17/05/2023 16:12

Gosh op l really feel for your poor boy.

I have a vulnerable child (though less so than your son) and l know the fear of them being hurt at school.
A huge ask but could you move him to a small private school?
IMHO you did exactly the right thing and if l were you l would go into a school meeting saying that if this bully touches your son again you will take leagle action against the school for failing to safeguard.
I would send a formal letter to the parents stating you will persue the family for damages should your son be touched by hers. Stop being nice, it is your sons life here. Bullies and their parents who fail to parent only understand a strong response. Be their problem now.

The implications for your son are huge and if there was a way to take him out l would. I am so sorry op

FortofPud · 17/05/2023 16:10

Obviously do what you see fit, you sound like an amazing advocate for your son, and taking him out of that school sounds like absolutely the right thing to do... but I (personally) would slow down on the local paper etc front. You rightly feel like you want justice but this can backfire and shine a spotlight on your family that you end up regretting. I'm not saying don't do it, just take things slowly and weigh up the potential negatives before opening a can of worms you can't close.

Well done on getting your lovely boy out of there. He can relax and flourish now.

girlfriend44 · 17/05/2023 16:08

She probably can't control him you know.

Well done for telling her though.

PeachTea1 · 17/05/2023 16:07

Wow OP didn't expect that outcome with the school.
I hope you get somewhere with the police and the local newspaper.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 17/05/2023 16:05

This has genuinely made me feel sad. What a horrible child and what a horrible school.

I'm sorry, OP.

katmarie · 17/05/2023 15:59

I'm so angry on your behalf op, your poor boy. I find it so frustrating too that there seems to be so little consequence for the school.

Digitallis · 17/05/2023 15:34

That is really disappointing to hear I’m so sorry. It’s also totally unacceptable the Governors are not independent.

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