WWYD sleepovers

RTFT people. OP has dealt with it! Mean girl isn't coming. 8 is definitely old enough to know not to leave other purposefully out.

What I don't get is how rude the other mum is to not invite your dd to her dd's party. I mean seriously. It's like the threads where people invite 'friends' who eat, drink and sleep over without ever contributing or reciprocating. Who are the clueless self absorbed people?!?

You sound kind and lovely OP. The other family clearly didn't appreciate you, their loss.

You need to speak to her mum, she probably doesn’t know about this & should put a stop to it.

Your daughter not getting an invite is a bit questionable considering the situation but it may be she can only have a certain number of friends for financial reasons. It sounds like your daughter isn’t phased by this anyway but the bullying is not acceptable.

The entitlement of some people can be shocking & the things she is saying sounds like things she has been told or has over heard.

Regardless the only way forward is to speak to her mum. I would also speak to school as other children are being bullied & may not feel like they can speak up.

Do not have this girl into your home. Your daughter ms feelings have to come first.

I would not be having this child over again, unless there was an apology from them and they start being nice to your DD going forward. I’d be telling the mum exactly what’s happened and also the school should be having words with this girl and anyone else involved in the bullying to tell them it’s not acceptable behaviour.

Little girls... ewwwww

How was the mum when you spoke about it, OP? Hope it wasn't too uncomfortable a conversation

Cancel the impending sleepover and end the agreement. Your daughter has communicated her feelings to you, make her feel heard and advocate for her.

Absolutely stop this arrangement,this girl is bullying her,not just that but actively engaging others in this bullying. If you let this girl in your home you are facilitating this abuse and it will get worse .
The first thing you must do though is go and calmly speak to the parents and tell them what their child has been doing,that you want the bullying to stop and you will no longer be allowing her in your home and expect a full apology,you should also inform the school.
Your daughter may say she doesn’t want a fuss and worry it’ll get worse,but if this child is disciplined she will then lose the power and look ridiculous amongst her peers and lose her following.
Your child is far more important than this arrangement and they will have to deal with it, having their childcare interfered with will soon concentrate their efforts on disciplining their little darling.

Cancel the girl coming over, your daughter is your priority. Do not make her feel uncomfortable in her own home.

Do not have her over. Listen to your child. She’s doesn’t want her around because of the bullying.

let the mum know as well. Don’t be scared to tell her .

It's time to prioritise your child.
This girl really isn't your responsibility and you shouldn't even have to ask about it. If a girl was being like this to my girl I wouldn't be having her in my house and I wouldn't feel bad about it.
I'm really confused over this set up because I've never heard of other parents being used at basically free child care to this extreme either it should be her parents responsibility.

Wow this all sounds complicated and hectic. I’d stop the arrangement immediately. Not only because your DD is most important but the fact that your daughter didn’t get invited to the party means those parents don’t give a shit or value you guys.

So unwatch and move on. Any additional posts may have advice for someone else who finds themselves in this position.
Nobody is forcing you to read them

Yeah this child would not be entering my home. It is your daughter's safe space and you need to stop this immediately. I know letting the parents down is tough but your daughter come first.
Hope you manage to resolve it smoothly.

I would put your daughter first. Text the other Mum and say say the girls are not that close at the moment, and it's better to give them some space, rather than force a "friendship" where your daughter is uncomfortable.

Don't get drawn into a discussion about it. Just let her know this is the situation, and therefore the sleepover is not happening at this time.

Have you spoken to the girls mum yet ? Presume she was in touch at the start feeling awkward that your daughter was not invited to the party ? This does not sound like a Healthy friend relationship for your daughter 1 day friends next day not to be being bullied.

Keep to the arrangement.
It is a chance for you to speak frankly to the unkind girl.
When you have her over to help out her mother tell her you know that she has been nasty and that it has to stop or you will be forced to stop helping her lovely mother out.
Tell her that you thought you knew her better, that you were surprised and disappointed.
Make sure that your spouse is in the corner of the room, as a witness, and that your daughter is not there.
Organise for your daughter to come home an hour or two after her young guest arrives - having been to an amazing playdate with a Granny or goodfriend.
Only require your daughter to be polite while you host the young girl yourself this time.

Reassess for next time (or not).
The child is in obvious need of good parenting and unless someone like you is brave enough to speak to her she will remain ignorant.

It definitely sounds as though the mum is still learning. Maybe she herself needs to learn boundaries, reciprocation and respect. This situation really has come to a head as your dd wasn’t invited to a party, which she has far more control over than her dd’s behaviour in school for example.

You sound like a really compassionate and caring person. Perhaps things will change between your girls in future. They are still at an age, where emotions and understanding of others is pretty rudimentary.

I can imagine you have a lot of time for the girl. My dd has been through difficult situations with friends from challenging backgrounds. She did have the advantage of not going to school during the primary years with the one, who particularly has blown hot and cold with her over the years. The girls are year 10 so older now and over the years I’ve been there for both mum and daughter, stepping back when needs be. Always taking the line of putting my dd first.

As you say the mum is still learning, perhaps it would be useful for her to explain how this really cam to a head. I can imagine it will be a difficult conversation but maybe the mum will be grateful herself to have explained to her as well.

Why in the world with the mother and father, who have you doing them favors even when you’re not really friends, not ensure that your daughter is invited to the party? Sounds like the parents and the daughter are people you need to cut out of your life!

I would do with others have suggested and contact the mom to say that this relationship is not working out and unfortunately she’s going to have to find other arrangements for her daughter next weekend as well as from here on out. I know that may be an awkward phone call, but your daughter comes first!

RTFT @Toomuchtrouble4me ……….

“Sorry parent - the girls are not getting on at the moment and so I can’t have x over” Done. Your DD comes first. And if she thought tuppence of you and DD you would have been on that party list!

You are being unreasonable to still have this girl over to stay! I would text the mum and say you’re very sorry but you’re no longer able to have her DD because she is being very unpleasant to your DD at school and excluding her
I would also go into school and put a stop to this asap before it escalates.
Whether the parents struggle to find baby sitters or not is not your problem!
I have a DD with a medical condition and I wouldn’t expect anyone to have her if my DD & theirs had fallen out

Your daughter should not have to entertain this girl.

This!