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Original poster

Lads holiday

109 replies

Kristenb6 · 15/05/2023 23:16

What is everyone’s opinions on “Lads holidays” in their 40s? My husband has told me he would like to go on holiday with friends next year for his upcoming big birthday, our children have never been on holiday nor have we together or as a family in over a decade for various reasons. We currently live in a house that is too small and our children are crammed into rooms where 2 there are in one room and 3 in the other. Our youngest also has special needs so holidays have not been a priority lately. My husband works hard as do I, we both have well paid jobs and share everything and divide our incomes equally. Am I being unreasonable for thinking that the money would be better spent on a bigger house for our family or we could go on holiday together? I just couldn’t imagine leaving him and the kids to go on a girls holiday with my friends given our situation!

OP posts:
CornishGem1975 · 16/05/2023 07:09

Absolutely no issue with it - as long as I get to do the same!

rookiemere · 16/05/2023 07:08

The correct response is "Absolutely you should have a lads holiday. To make it fair I get an equal amount of money to spend how I wish, and we have a family holiday or it's not fair on the DCs"

DH and I do have trips with friends, but difference is that family holidays take priority and we can afford it.

Pottedpalm · 16/05/2023 06:52

‘Lads’ holiday.. says it all. Selfish gits holiday. How can he prioritise that over a holiday at the seaside for his family?
OP might a caravan work for you? Maybe with a tent for three as well?

Lcb123 · 16/05/2023 06:44

i Think there’s a much bigger issue if you’re children are living in cramped conditions because he’s spending money on a hobby. Assuming you have a mix of boys and girls it’s not recommended they share past age of 10.

Disco2023 · 16/05/2023 06:16

If people can afford it and have fair lives between the relationship then it shouldn’t be an issue. However this doesn’t seem those circumstances.

Tell him he can stop his hobbies save money from that and go next year or when it’s all saved. He doesn’t get to use joint savings earmarked for a ridiculous expensive jolly for a short time while you get nothing.

If he works away alot I presume he stays over? Then you sleeping in the living room doesn’t affect him half as much as you!

Oysterbabe · 16/05/2023 06:09

They are fine if you can afford them, which you can't. I'm in my 40s and have a girls holiday every year.
Is your main objection the money or the fact that you don't think they're appropriate? If it's next year there's time to save for it.

Shoxfordian · 16/05/2023 06:07

He’s selfish and he’s not thinking of you or the kids but then it doesn’t sound like he thinks of you anyway spending on his hobby. I’d usually be fine with separate holidays too but not in your case op

AnonyMenOhPee · 16/05/2023 06:05

Kristenb6 · 16/05/2023 00:27

I am one of those normally cool wives too, but this has honestly thrown me. A midlife crisis maybe? I would love to know more opinions. We have never been on holiday list children, a lot of our outgoings are spent on his own hobbies and interests. He is of the opinion that we can offer more to the kids (by way of disposable income) if we stay in a smaller house and has suggested even that we sleep in the lounge so that it frees more space up for the children and our eldest can have a room to themselves. He is not always home he works away a lot so generally I am with the kids when I am not working 24/7. I realise he might just want a holiday and some downtime with his friends as life is stressful and full on at home I get it but I do think it’s incredibly selfish of him to even suggest it when we are living this way in the first place

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It’s probably the lone voice supporting him I’ve changed my mind with this post. If he was scrimping and saving with the rest of the family that’s one thing but if he’s deliberately keeping you and your children in the tiny house so he can spend more on his hobbies - that’s not ok. He’s looking very selfish. Especially if he works away and doesn’t have to deal with the consequences of the living space. So now Yanbu. He takes enough out of the family pot for fun stuff by the sounds of it

Mustardforest · 16/05/2023 01:09

He's selfish, that's it.

If it's a low cost lads holiday that wouldn't make a remote dent in your savings then that's kind of understandable, if he offset it with not spending on XYZ for a period of time to balance things out.

But who the f&@! spends 1.5k on a lads holiday? That's insane. What are they doing, first class to blooming Tokyo to stay in a 5* resort?

You need to get a reign on this attitude, he's spending considerable time away while suggesting you give up your bedroom for the kids... where in any of this is he thinking of YOU?

Yes, kids first, you sound like a caring mum. Don't let him cause more damage with destructive financial habits, and look after yourself.

UsingChangeofName · 16/05/2023 00:56

As per the first reply. I don't generally have an issue , in principle with one half of a couple going away with their friends.
However, I am not in anything like the same circumstances as you are.

In your circumstances, YANBU

suburbophobe · 16/05/2023 00:56

air bnb on the coast for a few days

Would be at least 200 a night. Prices have become ridiculous since Covid lockdown opened up again.

The days of cheap travel are over.

our children have never been on holiday nor have we together or as a family in over a decade for various reasons. We currently live in a house that is too small and our children are crammed into rooms where 2 there are in one room and 3 in the other. Our youngest also has special needs

And he wants to go on a "Lad's getaway"? Jesus. I get it he needs to get away, but what about YOUR get-away for a few days OP?

Original poster
Kristenb6 · 16/05/2023 00:44

JenniferBooth · 16/05/2023 00:32

"a lot of our outgoings are spent on his own hobbies and interests"

I thought as much

Unfortunately this is true. Don’t get me wrong none of us are hard done by but sometimes I think if he just reigned in a bit it wouldn’t feel like we are working month to month just getting by. He has no clue when it comes to budgeting I usually deal with that side of things and our savings have been building lately. It costs a bit for a family day out usually depending on what we do and he will complain about that but no problem spending the money if it were something for himself. For me it’s the kids first and if there’s anything left over I will treat myself if we can afford to

OP posts:
Original poster
Kristenb6 · 16/05/2023 00:37

sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/05/2023 00:26

I guess it depends on what type of holiday? Has it been a dream for a group of them to do the trans siberean railway or route 66 or something else along those lines.

Given the chance yes this would be exactly it but way out of budget- our savings pot would be emptied!

OP posts:
JenniferBooth · 16/05/2023 00:32

"a lot of our outgoings are spent on his own hobbies and interests"

I thought as much

Original poster
Kristenb6 · 16/05/2023 00:27

SleepingStandingUp · 16/05/2023 00:14

So his kids have never been even on a holiday to Wales or the South Coast, and he wants to jet off on a 1.5k boys trip?

Now normally I'm cool wife, but he sounds utterly clueless.

I am one of those normally cool wives too, but this has honestly thrown me. A midlife crisis maybe? I would love to know more opinions. We have never been on holiday list children, a lot of our outgoings are spent on his own hobbies and interests. He is of the opinion that we can offer more to the kids (by way of disposable income) if we stay in a smaller house and has suggested even that we sleep in the lounge so that it frees more space up for the children and our eldest can have a room to themselves. He is not always home he works away a lot so generally I am with the kids when I am not working 24/7. I realise he might just want a holiday and some downtime with his friends as life is stressful and full on at home I get it but I do think it’s incredibly selfish of him to even suggest it when we are living this way in the first place

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 16/05/2023 00:26

I guess it depends on what type of holiday? Has it been a dream for a group of them to do the trans siberean railway or route 66 or something else along those lines.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/05/2023 00:16

AnonyMenOhPee · 15/05/2023 23:26

Well the cost of a one off holiday for one person isn’t going to go far towards a house is it?

it’s also nowhere near what it would cost to take 7 people away. It sounds like it’s not something he does ever, so provided you could agree on a budget and stick to it then I’d let him go. You only live once after all.

I'm unsure of ops child's needs, but they could get a air bnb on the coast for a few days for the price of a lads holiday abroad once you factor in all the extra costs

SleepingStandingUp · 16/05/2023 00:14

So his kids have never been even on a holiday to Wales or the South Coast, and he wants to jet off on a 1.5k boys trip?

Now normally I'm cool wife, but he sounds utterly clueless.

Original poster
Kristenb6 · 16/05/2023 00:12

I would think it would be more than that to go abroad, by the time you factor in air fares, hotels and spending money he also mentioned earlier it would be nearer 1500 for 3-4 nights for his holiday alone. We have looked into holidays together but the complex needs of our youngest child means we have yet to find anything suitable that would accommodate his needs for that price.

OP posts:
Orders76 · 16/05/2023 00:03

Can you sit down and do a plan for 2 holidays?

Family holiday, UK, 4 nights 1000
Husband break 2 nights 500

That's somewhat fair, and if you do both together, it shines light on unfairness and includes your family.

Original poster
Kristenb6 · 15/05/2023 23:50

JenniferBooth · 15/05/2023 23:32

Where is it that he wants to go OP?

Unsure where he is planning as it’s not yet been confirmed, I should add we don’t own our property currently and are saving for our first house to buy. I feel like using the savings for this will only prolong our cramped living conditions, granted a holiday for one won’t cost the same as for 7 but it will make a dent and this is why we agreed to not have a holiday as a family so it has surprised me. He travels around due to the nature of his work so if anything I’m the one needing the break more! His friends all go on holiday with their families several times per year and own their own properties so from a personal view should they want to holiday with friends and it’s an extra luxury they can afford then I wouldn’t have a problem but seeing as our situation is very different I can’t help feeling a little put out by it

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/05/2023 23:32

Daffodil92 · 15/05/2023 23:29

This.

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This for me too

JenniferBooth · 15/05/2023 23:32

Where is it that he wants to go OP?

JenniferBooth · 15/05/2023 23:31

I didnt say that you said she shouldnt.

NoTouch · 15/05/2023 23:30

JenniferBooth · 15/05/2023 23:29

@NoTouch In that case OP should get one too.

Where did I say she shouldn't?