Lads holiday

It sounds like you have plenty of other things to spend your money on….: couldn’t they do something a bit scaled back? Weekend in xcity/ butlins or something.

Id also be a bit annoyed about taking a week annual leave cos it’s all so sparing anyway with school holidays (I’m assuming you have school age children 🤷‍♀️)

my husband and friends tried to book a 3-4 night thing for their joint 40th - they also wanted individual parties- I. My mind it’s one or the other.

Turns out they couldn’t organise themselves enough to actually find a date/ money/ accommodation etc so it’s never happened.

I would have no problem with my H going away and he would feel the same about me BUT, in your situation i wouldn't want it and i know my H wouldnt even consider it if it impacted on our children being able to have a holiday etc.

Not against lads holidays but there is a question of priorities here. A holiday is short term but living in cramped conditions is a daily struggle that needs to come 1st. You’ll all be happier once in a new home then he can save for holidays etc.

id sit him down and discuss how you feel & that he is putting himself above the family & that’s not good for anyone in the long term.

myself & my DH haven’t been abroad in nearly 8 years, since our honeymoon as we had a child & had to save to move etc. yeah it’s been a bit crappy & I can’t wait for a family holiday abroad but we’ve done some cheap camping hols & created some lovely memories so maybe your partner should consider something in UK as a compromise etc

Depends on the type/price of holiday I guess. Are they flying, ferrying or driving? Are they sharing accommodation? Planning to eat out or take turns cooking? Are they perhaps hiking and camping in the tents? Can be a 500 pound trip, can be a 5000 pound trip.

so I have been on a few girls holidays recently.. however my children have also been on holidays/breaks away/ days out so it’s not an issue and the same for my husband.

in your instance, I would feel the same as you.

Hi, I literally just created an account to write this. Long time lurker reading posts.

please check your local send offer to help with days out & free family passes so your children can access days out. Usually Critria is DLA or ehcp.
pop into google

send local offer & your county council & it should come up.

yabu however I'd compromise with max 2 nights away max £500.

I wouldn't even think of going away in his situation. (And I've had a few girls trips abroad myself). But family holidays and the kids come first. Anything left over is then shared.

I don't know. My immediate reackon was selfish. But then you say you've looked into family holidays and due to complex needs not been able to get anywhere? Part of me thinks that this might be his opportunity to go and have a nice carefree and relaxing holiday (which a holiday with 5 kids isn't going to be ever), and it sounds like life is generally quite hard going. If I worked hard in a well paying job I think I would want that too.

Could you do the same? Have a weekend away - on your own or with friends?Sounds like you could maybe both use a break.

Has he said it will cost £1.5k or is that what you have decided it would cost? If he's only planning 3-4 nights as you mentioned then that could easily be under £500 if he is flexible about where and when. I'm doing 5 nights Italy in Oct for less than 1k inc spending money and that's by myself so not splitting hotel costs. Going with mates they will be able to get an Airbnb. I just had 3 nights in Spain and my share of the Airbnb was £120.

If he can do it for around £500 then I don't see the problem. That won't get you a bigger house or the family holiday you want. Maybe he could look at selling some of his things to go towards it or other ways he can minimise the impact on family budget.

That's very expensive. I spent that on 10 days to Mexico from the UK...

This.

friend’ DHs seem to go on fancy golfing breaks all the time. But family hols are def the priority.

You're lives are difficult. You both miss out on a lot. He doesn't need to be having a mid life crisis to want to do this one thing for himself. Wouldn't you? However this isn't something he can do as a neutral act as it means the rest of you being worse off. Has he thought about it properly in those terms? How much sooner would you be able to move if he didn't go? What holiday could you have with the children instead? Perhaps he needs that spelling out because sometimes when you're living the drudge for long enough you lose sight of the long term goal, and can't see beyond your own need for immediate gratification. Remind him what you will all gain from the sacrifices you're making now.

I think it's outrageous that he's not putting his family before his own wants. For us, family holiday and treating our children always comes first.

I can't imagine jetting off on a women's holiday, when the family hadn't been on one for years.

Family holiday first, then personal second

Why can't you book a family holiday, and he could have a weekend away

Yes. OP, I note that he thinks you should both sleep in the living room, but you also mention he travels a lot for work... so it's you that would bear the brunt of that decision, not him

He's putting his friends before his family. We always do big birthdays as a family, For my 40th we went to Barbados which left us skint for years, my 50th we went to a local pub and next year's my 60th and as finances have improved were going to have a nice meal with friends and a bit late r in the year a family holiday.

yes to meal out with friends, no to a lads holiday , with all that implies.

I think the bigger issue is that he’s consistently selfish, not the holiday. Which could be done cheaply if he wanted it to- I just got back from a ‘girls holiday’ which was £100 for Ryanair flights, didn’t pay for seat selections, £100 for 3 nights in a nice 4 star hotel including breakfast sharing a family room between 3, slept in then had a big late breakfast so only buying dinner and drinks and we’d chosen a cheap destination. Days spent sunbathing which was free. Total was about £400. Not saying that’s a small amount of money but it’s not going to make a difference to the house deposit fund, it’s not going to take the family away and it’s not going to stop him being a selfish arse day in day out. £1500 is insane and tbh you’ve got far bigger problems than he wants to
go away with mates. Wtf is up with him expecting you to sleep on the sofa?!

Ask him where the money's going to come from.

Also, your lives sound hectic what with five kids. Will you also be getting your own 'girls' holiday'?

If he’s desperate to get away why can’t he have a lads trip in the UK. Wild camping/yurt/holiday inn and beers would be much more affordable. £1500 for just him when you are saving for a house is taking the piss.

Not sure what the hobby is but could you frame it that if he attended one less per week or dropped one weekend per month he could afford it? It shouldn’t come at the expense of the family house saving or family holiday. I’m not saying he deserves to go at all from reading all your posts but could be an opportunity to bring up the amount of personal time and money he already has?

Agree with previous posters. Although it would depend on what kind of 'lad's' holiday. If going somewhere chavvy, boozing all day and all night and going to strip clubs, then no! If it was a normal holiday away with male mates then fine. I guess if we genuinely couldn't afford a holiday as a family I might be happy for him to spoil himself for his 40th and go and have a good time with some mates. But I'd have real FOMO!

I'd tell him 'yes that's fine, so long as the money comes from you not spending on hobbies until the holiday is paid for, in fact you can carry on saving that money up until there's enough for us to take DC on holiday too'. If he's regularly spending on hobbies it's only fair that he sacrifices that money to pay for his lads trip, and maybe saving his hobby money for a holiday for DC on top might make him realise how bloody selfish he's being.

My point about sitting down, putting the figures in writing with an equal share for you or a family holiday.....and then you explain, oh we don't have that kind of money.
I guess it puts it all out there and you get to see if he selfishly explains why he should get more than the kids, or he backs down.

Those saying op should get the same are missing the point. They have very limited money, they don’t own a house and they can’t afford to take the kids away. The op blowing more cash going away on her own is only going to make that situation worse. He sounds very selfish op.