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AIBU?

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Original poster

Annoyed with this comment?

34 replies

goingtoboo · 15/05/2023 12:39

A colleague asked what I was doing at the weekend and I said I’m going to Edinburgh to see my friend.

She responded that she keeps seeing me do nice things (on social media) and wondered where these friends had come from 😐

I’m nice to everyone at work, albeit a bit quiet but quiet people can still have friends. Maybe I’m being sensitive though as she’s made these kind of brash comments before.

OP posts:
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Original poster
goingtoboo · 15/05/2023 17:50

Sorry more context she previously made a comment where she clearly assumed I never went out.

No idea why she assumed this as it’s not like she asked me what I was doing at the weekend and I said “nothing” every single time:

Shes very loud so maybe she assumes quiet people don’t have friends?

OP posts:
NailsHairNipsHeels · 15/05/2023 14:05

I think that would depend on the tone and general conversation and also how well you get on with the colleague.

On the face of it she's just making conversation and may be a bit envious you're having such a nice time out of work and have worded i clumsily.

If she's a bit of a bitch them maybe she is making digs at you 🤷🏻‍♀️

mickeymight · 15/05/2023 13:52

Is she implying that these friends are fictional?

Dulra · 15/05/2023 13:48

Booklover40 · 15/05/2023 13:11

Maybe she just means "where have you met all these people who live in different parts of the country"? As in, did you meet them online, at uni? I don't understand why this would upset you unless there is more to it and she's generally nasty?

This

I'd be curious too 🤣. Hard to know though without knowing what the person is normally like.

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/05/2023 13:46

She’s jealous. You’re being a bit over sensitive. One reason why I am never friends with colleagues on social media! Enjoy Edinburgh!

SpeedReader · 15/05/2023 13:43

It is very hard to tell without knowing more about her intonation and body language. A lot of adults find it very difficult to make and retain friends, so it could be a genuine and positive observation (albeit very poorly worded) about the depth or breadth of your social circle.

Or she be lacking in emotional equipment, and find it inconceivable that a quieter person can have friends.

Did it touch a raw nerve? I sometimes find I react more to comments that hit on one of my insecurities, even if they are made by a person whose good opinion I have no desire to obtain.

If she's just a work colleague, maybe just file her views in the "idiosyncratic opinions" box and not take it personally. Yeah, it's annoying to have someone chip in with their own bizarre hot takes about your life and character, but that's the rich tapestry of life, I suppose.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/05/2023 13:39

"What do you mean by that?" would have immediately come out of my mouth. Stand up for yourself, op.

Catspyjamas17 · 15/05/2023 13:36

I'd have asked her what she meant by that remark.

CountMushroom · 15/05/2023 13:30

Booklover40 · 15/05/2023 13:11

Maybe she just means "where have you met all these people who live in different parts of the country"? As in, did you meet them online, at uni? I don't understand why this would upset you unless there is more to it and she's generally nasty?

Yes, this. Some people have always lived in the same place and/or relinquish friends who move away, and are interested in other people with a more widespread friend network.

Or she might even be being wistful — I remember as a very shy, rather lonely teenager looking at other people’s photos of mountain climbing or at the beach together, and wondering how you got those kinds of relationships.

Tellmeimcrazy · 15/05/2023 13:29

I don't think she meant it like that. I think she meant that you have really cool friends and where did you find them

Iwrote · 15/05/2023 13:25

I've just said in my head "Ooh yes I've seen you on FB gallivanting and wondered where all these friends come from" and it really doesn't come out as mean. It's more "good on you having these mates all over the place and hopping off to see them".

Lurkingandlearning · 15/05/2023 13:23

I’d have liked to have said … “um …. Edinburgh”

I doubt I would’ve thought of that at the time

CitizenofMoronia · 15/05/2023 13:15

Shes either jealous or thinks your faking it for social media lol either way I think that's hilarious, keep up the good work

Booklover40 · 15/05/2023 13:11

Maybe she just means "where have you met all these people who live in different parts of the country"? As in, did you meet them online, at uni? I don't understand why this would upset you unless there is more to it and she's generally nasty?

midsomermurderess · 15/05/2023 13:11

MillenialAvocado · 15/05/2023 12:58

@WandaWonder I said this because I learnt during years of therapy, that often when people make unpleasant comments it's a projection of their own issues. So yes, in my opinion she may (or may not) be envious of OP. I was just asking a question. Keep your rude and condescending remarks to yourself.

Projection is definitely thing. It is not the same as jealousy. I agree that ‘she sounds jealous’ is such a common reply on here it suggests a certain emotional immaturity, being almost the only emotion or motivation many people, women, can identify.

Shoxfordian · 15/05/2023 13:09

I’m going to Edinburgh this weekend too! Your friend sounds jealous of you

midsomermurderess · 15/05/2023 13:08

She sounds like a passive-aggressive twit. You have friends who want to see you, a good social life, don’t let this unpleasant, spiteful woman get under your skin. And perhaps you could limit who can see your social media. Who wants a person like her having a trawl through your life.

MillenialAvocado · 15/05/2023 12:58

@WandaWonder I said this because I learnt during years of therapy, that often when people make unpleasant comments it's a projection of their own issues. So yes, in my opinion she may (or may not) be envious of OP. I was just asking a question. Keep your rude and condescending remarks to yourself.

DoingBugStuff · 15/05/2023 12:54

you’re being over sensitive

PuffinsRocks · 15/05/2023 12:54

God why is she stalking your social media? She needs to get a life.

watcherintherye · 15/05/2023 12:51

Yes, I would say she’s envious, and maybe genuinely doesn’t understand how people can retain friends from all the different phases of their lives, who might even live in other parts of the country! Perhaps she only socialises with people she knows locally or works with.

Fernticket · 15/05/2023 12:51

Does she mean,where did you meet your friends originally, or did she sound as if she was having a dig at you.
Some people can be very resentful of other people who have a good social life.

jackstini · 15/05/2023 12:51

She might genuinely be wondering as she doesn't have many friends and wants ideas

Or she might be a snippy cow!

Either way just give an honest answer - 'Uni, previous job, our kids are friends, church, gym...'

Ktime · 15/05/2023 12:50

Maybe she doesn't get up to much on the weekends and sees how much fun you are having on social media with friends and is a bit envious?

I wouldn't take it to heart.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/05/2023 12:49

I hope she meant to say “How lovely! Where do you know them from?” and it came out wrong? Or maybe she’s a snippy cow?