To drop H in it?

Do it tomorrow.

You have to do something to be honest. You can't continue like this, it won't magically get better on its own and your husband won't start stepping up to parent his own kids unless he is made to. It's unfortunate but a fact of life with men like this.

Your chosen arrangement clearly isn’t working. If you don’t want to be the one stuck with the kids all day, get a job and pay for childcare. Maybe he could do more, but maybe he expects you to pick up the slack due to not working.

There’s one solution to this problem, dust off your CV. Or maybe leave but even then you’d need a job…

Get a job and make a plan to leave

So why are you staying with this man and continuing to raise your children in such a hateful and unhealthy environment?

I was a SAHM. I did the childcare, DH worked. From when the DC were 18 months until they were 6 years old, DH worked away 5 - 6 days a week so I was pretty much 'on' all the time. Once they started school I had the days to myself but then did the afterschool activities, the homework, cooking dinner, bedtimes. DH could come home and crash, but we had around the same amount of free time.

I think that is what you should be aiming for, the same amount of free time.

I found that I handled the early years stuff better than DH would have done. I went to all the PTA meetings, concerts, Googled how to do calculus problems, helped with science fair projects, but DH is much, much better than me with the 'adult' stuff like helping them apply to UK universities from abroad, career and financial planning. It evened out in the end. We are a team, but the team members have jobs at different times.

My first husband was the same. He was absolutely useless. Never changed a nappy. Decided to work away in another country for the first 6 months of DS life as he "couldn't cope" (with doing fuck all).
I divorced him - I had zero respect for him and would rather just live on UC than look at his stupid face.
I did go back to work and did very well without him.

No you can’t whilst he’s working that would be a shitty thing to do.
if your marriage isn’t working you both need to try and sort this out or end it.

It’s not bullshit at all if you read the OP, she’s a SAHM, is he AT WORK right now, so yes during working hours, it is her job, that’s why she doesn’t have another job. She’s proposing dumping them on him today while he’s working.

If this is real and not some weird reverse,saga,taken taken from a soap then yes the point of being a SAHP is to look after the children that you chose to have with him

If you didn't have twins why have 2 if he was that hopeless, and I know people are sick of that question then maybe it wouldn't need to be asked so often

Looking after the kids is your job

I think OP is a bit U but this is utter BS. Looking after the kids isn't her job 24/7. When he's not t work they should be sharing it

I think you’ve probably missed out some
vital context here because from your OP you are being massively unreasonable. He’s working, you are a SAHM, so why would you fuck off and leave him stuck? Looking after the kids is your job. Really shit for your kids being in this atmosphere, you both need to do better for them. I’d the marriage is crap then either work at it or break up for their sake.

Why don't you just get a job and have the kids in childcare?

What in the world would you do if your husband wasn't working from home? And he had to leave at 7:30 for a commute and get back late due to traffic ect?

Would you still be complaining that you are not happy despite choosing to be a SAHM? (A luxury many cannot afford)

He probably resents having to finance you all the time just as much as you resent him

Your a SAHM ... its technically your job.
I'm a SAHM so I'm not being funny, it's just part of life. If I was working full time I would be annoyed.

It is super frustrating living with someone like this BUT today is not the day for this kind of behaviour. You’ll only add fuel to the fire and he will only use it against you that you walked out and left the kids when he had work. Don’t do it today. But to let him know that he has them tomorrow as you’re busy. Plus you’re busy every Wednesday evening moving forward. I have one of these husbands, they would literally take the steam off your piss if they could. They aren’t partners, but you have a choice regarding the future of your marriage and family unit.

I was reading this and expect your post to say jump in the car (with the kids) and leave him for good. Honestly, why are you with him? It sounds like an absolutely miserable existence. Leaving for a day will do no good at all. All that will happen is he will do his own thing, let the kids get on with it and then will tell you how easy it is and ask what all the fuss is about. If you're at the stage where you hate him and can't even look at him then you need to leave......forever.

I wouldn’t leave him with the children for the day today, if he is working and you aren’t, no.

If you really hate him this much, I would be looking to separate asap and going back to work full time to protect yourself financially. I wouldn’t even want to be dependent on someone I couldn’t stand.

What makes him a pathetic aresehole? Sounds like more than a DH finding family life and work hard, so rather than dealing with it, he's withdrawing. Either way, if you're thinking this, then I'd leave him with the DC sometime and spend the time working out how best to leave him.

Are you beyond the point of having a conversation with him? If so, I guess you need to think about separating.
DH worked very long hours when our first 2 DC were little, but that was a decision we made together. Maternity leave was 5 months and paternity leave was 2 weeks.
It was tough, but temporary.

Yes yabu he's working. He can't just drop that for you to have a coffee

You need a conversation a calm one

H is a pathetic arsehole who I'm having trouble even looking at recently because of how he is, I can't stand the sight of him
Start divorce proceedings. This isn't a marriage.

You can't leave him with 2 children under 3 if he's meant to be working.
(This would demonstrate that you don't value his contribution as being in the person who brings in the money, probably not a good place to start if you want him to appreciate you more).

But agree with others that it might be an idea for tomorrow.

I probably wouldn't just FO if he needs to work.

Although I might have done when you first posted & be back for 9!

Do you ever send them in to him & have a shower in peace?

Breakfast as a family?

If he did more would it help or has the rot set in?

No that’s not a reasonable course of action. You can’t just dump the kids with no notice when your spouse has work.
There’s not loads of info really do go off but you don’t seem to be doing much to help yourself. If he doesn’t start work until 9 he can sort the kids out in the mornings a couple of times a week.
I don’t really understand women who make themselves a martyr because their partner doesn’t hear the kids wake. Presumably you’re beside him and he could hear you? Just nudge him and tell him it’s his turn.