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Original poster

Very inappropriate and awkward situation

40 replies

JazbayGrapes · 11/05/2023 18:22

A couple of years age me and DH befriended this elderly neighbor. Let's call him Jack. He lost his wife and his dog, and now is lonely and very bored.
So we go visit him once a week or so, share some drinks, watch tv.
Over the long weekend, my DH got a crate of beer and suggested we go visit Jack. Ok. So we sat there, had quite a few drinks, then DH got a phonecall and needed to leave. Said I could stay with Jack and finish those beers.
Next thing I know, Jack wants to sit next to me. then he wants a hug, and then Yikes! He tries to kiss me. I shrieked and ran out.
Said nothing to DH, obviously we were all quite sloshed.
I know excessive drinking leads to no good, but do I sort of "forget" about this? For sure i will not be visiting Jack by myself ever again.

OP posts:
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Humidititties · 11/08/2023 15:00

Frogger8395 · 11/08/2023 13:00

Getting pissed with an elderly neighbour is just weird.

This.

Agreed. Very weird

andloqa · 11/08/2023 14:51

Frogger8395 · 11/08/2023 13:00

Getting pissed with an elderly neighbour is just weird.

This.

Bumping a zombie thread about it is more odd.

Frogger8395 · 11/08/2023 13:00

Getting pissed with an elderly neighbour is just weird.

This.

baileys6904 · 12/05/2023 13:17

@Dontbelieveaword i absolutely agree that the drinking isn't appropriate. I was just saying that dementia can't be written off, especially, as you know, the person can appear extremely lucid at times. Someone I once cared for was convinced her husband was having an affair because she walked in on him hugging a woman in their front room. She remembered that moment for months, remembered where it occurred, etc. Absolutely convinced Didn't remember it was actually her daughter tho... Dementia is a mysterious thing and so upsetting. I hope you're ok

Original poster
JazbayGrapes · 11/05/2023 23:14

Thanks for replies everyone.
Yes, i admit getting hammered was inappropriate in the first place. Neighbor has never acted weird before, so I don't think he has dementia, but probably an issue with booze.

OP posts:
TattiePants · 11/05/2023 22:14

This is bringing a nearly 20 year old memory back. DH and I were sitting in our back garden that had a lowish wall separating us from the neighbour. Neighbour invited us over for a drink and it quickly became apparent they were hammered. We lived in identical Victorian terraces and they wanted to show us round their house and being nosy I agreed. At some point I ended up on my own with the husband in a bedroom and he tried to kiss me. I’ve never moved so quickly and the first thing I did when we got out of there was tell DH. We had very little to do with them from then on.

BMW6 · 11/05/2023 21:29

How old is this man? "Elderly" means different things to different people.

If he is in his 80's I'd question why you are DH think it's a good idea to get him pissed in the first place!

How id react to his drunken pass would also depend on his age.

Dontbelieveaword · 11/05/2023 21:29

@baileys6904 I do have some experience caring for someone with dementia and from this personal experience (and I'm not saying this is true of everyone) the person I know would not wait until an 'appropriate' time to act inappropriately.
Anyway, lets say you're right and neighbour has been displaying symptoms of dementia, surely its even more inappropriate for OP to think it's fine to go get bladdered with him on a regular basis?

TempyBrennan · 11/05/2023 21:25

This is the friendliest elderly neighbour check-in I’ve ever heard of 😂

but yeah, tell your husband

ShowUs · 11/05/2023 21:21

How old are you all?

I wouldn’t tell your DP if he’s got a temper.

But he would not be my DP for much longer if you can’t even share your concerns with him without him losing his temper.

Obviously I would not go around the old man’s house again, especially alone.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 11/05/2023 21:19

Not all elderly men suffer from dementia, some are just arseholes ready to pounce when the opportunity arises. Now you know what he’s capable of make sure your are never alone with him again.
Tell your husband and dial back on the alcohol fuelled meet ups with this man.

baileys6904 · 11/05/2023 20:46

@Dontbelieveaword not necessarily. Dementia doesn't work like that unfortunately. I think dependant on the age of the neighbour, it could be a valid reason, especially if he's also lonely

baileys6904 · 11/05/2023 20:44

@dont

HideousKinky · 11/05/2023 20:43

Surely you have to tell your DH as I can't imagine you will ever want to go there again so will need to explain why?

Dontbelieveaword · 11/05/2023 20:37

For the people who are saying inappropriate behaviour could be down to dementia, surely if this was the case, he wouldn't be aware enough to wait for the DH to leave to lunge? People who are 'inappropriate' due to dementia are 'inappropriate' regardless of who is present.

tikkanaan · 11/05/2023 20:31

And why are you being so friendly. There's friendly and there's getting him pissed.

tikkanaan · 11/05/2023 20:31

Why do you think your DH will explode at this man? Surely you just tell him and both decide to not go round again?

Throwncrumbs · 11/05/2023 20:28

How old, if you are 20s and he’s 50s that’s not old, he’s a creepy pervert. If you are 30s/40s and he’s 80 then maybe some sort of dementia, not saying it’s right but some old men lose inhibitions and are over familiar. Tell your husband though, just say he was a bit weird!

Bodenesque · 11/05/2023 19:56

Dontbelieveaword · 11/05/2023 18:39

Being friendly and keeping an eye on a lonely, elderly neighbour, maybe nipping shop for him, passing a casserole in or popping in for a cuppa seems pretty normal, nice and neighbourly. Going to get slaughtered with him on a regular basis seems strange. Does he (or any if you) have an alcohol problem? You say neighbour had already been drinking spirits before you turned up with a crate between the 3 of you?
And mixing alcohol with a partner who has quite an explosive temper doesn't seem like a good combination either. Does alcohol make him more angry? Are you scared he'd attack neighbour for making a pass at you?
I'd take a sober step back from neighbour and reassess your relationship with a man with such a temper

I agree with this, you could possibly endanger this old man rather than being of assistance.

Ungratefulorunreasonable · 11/05/2023 19:24

First thing I'd have done after leaving is tell my DH! Are you scared he might blame you?

I'd pull back on the friendship. Remain cordial but not go round again and never with alcohol or alone.

Fourpeasinapodcast · 11/05/2023 19:12

Getting pissed with an elderly neighbour is just weird.

Burnamer · 11/05/2023 19:11

DH said you could stay and finish the drinks…
I don’t understand this. Was he giving you permission? Why would you need it?
was he giving you the beers? Was he directing you to stay?

Weallgottachangesometime · 11/05/2023 18:58

Also it is very sad you can’t speak to your partner about something because he can’t manage his reactions.

Weallgottachangesometime · 11/05/2023 18:57

Really feel like you’re minimising his behaviour. It’s was totally out of line. Unless he has some significant issue that affects his thinking skills then I wouldn’t forgive it. Even then I think I would not be visiting again.

FinallyHere · 11/05/2023 18:52

Said nothing to DH, obviously we were all quite sloshed.

Goodness, tell your DH.

Or are you afraid that your DH will go storming in and confront the neighbour?

This kind of behaviour tends to persist because people don't call it out. However, I absolutely understand the embarrassment that leads you to want to keep quiet.