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AIBU?

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Original poster

Crossing the line?

36 replies

Crossinsomekindaline · 10/05/2023 12:37

Hi, DD11 is in year 6 at a small village school.

This year a new teacher started in her class. Friendly early 30s male. Seems like a nice chap. All the kids love him.

My partner (also female) made an observation recently that she feels his behaviour with the kids (and especially the girls) is potentially inappropriate.

Just some observations:

  • Showed the kids pics on his Facebook profile of him doing a recent charity mountain climb. Kids now know his Facebook id.

  • Engages in teasing banter with the kids in his class but especially the girls.

  • has arranged special afterschool Sat's preparation for the half dozen year 6 kids. This was just him in attendance. My DD said he made the kids hot chocolate and they mostly sat around on cushions bantering.

So, Aibu to think he's crossing some kind of line here, or is this just normal acceptable behaviour from a teacher that's dedicated to the kids in his class?

I don't think he's grooming them or whatever, but now my partners brought it up I'm a little uncomfortable with the familiarity and considering having a word with the head.

OP posts:
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KrisAkabusi · 10/05/2023 14:43

This is why there are so few male primary school teachers. Everything is under extra scrutiny and suspicion.

LumpySpaceGoddess · 10/05/2023 14:08

It all sounds fine to me and typically standard, our village school sounds similar, all the teachers are really lovely and one of the male teachers is great with all the kids, he also joins in with their banter but it’s just silly conversation that the kids have, he also showed them pictures of his travels when he went away on holiday. He is one of the best teachers in the school!

Jellycatspyjamas · 10/05/2023 13:41

My DDs P7 teacher is a younger male, lots of light hearted chat, very supportive of his pupils, very easy relationships in the class room and yes has arranged pizza as a reward for a particular piece of collective work. I’m delighted she has such a relaxed teacher for her final primary year. No lines crossed, and I can’t see any lines crossed in your description either - in upper primary it’s important that they have good relationships with their teachers.

LlamasUnited · 10/05/2023 13:32

He sounds like a great , committed, teacher who cares about his pupils. Jokes and fun help them learn better.

CountryStore · 10/05/2023 13:31

I wouldn't be happy with him commenting negatively on girls' appearances tbh. They get enough pressure from the rest of society, without their class teacher adding more.

MXVIT · 10/05/2023 13:29

@porridgeisbae

" I don't think he's done anything wrong yet but you could keep an eye on it."

Yet??? Fucking hell.

And keep an eye on what exactly?? A teacher being a good teacher?

This bloke needs to move to a school that isnt chocker with parents waiting to catch him out.

porridgeisbae · 10/05/2023 13:28

I'm genuinely concerned that going to the head even crossed your mind - that could finish this poor bloke

@MXVIT I don't think so. The head would just tell him to be a bit more reserved/conventionally professional or something.

MithrilCostsMore · 10/05/2023 13:27

That banter sounds completely normal, as so all the other things you've brought up.

porridgeisbae · 10/05/2023 13:27

I'm guessing you wouldn't have these concerns if the teacher were female?

@FranklySonImTheGaffer The reality is that males are far more likely to be sexual abusers than females. I wish it weren't so, but it is. So if OP/her partner are more guarded about a male, that's rational.

@Crossinsomekindaline I don't think he's done anything wrong yet but you could keep an eye on it. And have a word with the head if you like. There's nothing wrong with raising a concern and it might help the teacher be even better.

MXVIT · 10/05/2023 13:26

OP - that teacher from your childhood sounds horrific, I'm sorry you were around this and he sounds vile.

Please dont let this colour your judgeent of all male teachers. What you've described is so far from crossing a line it is unbelievable, and I'm genuinely concerned that going to the head even crossed your mind - that could finish this poor bloke who, from what you've said, sounds like a great teacher who goes above and beyond

dizzydizzydizzy · 10/05/2023 13:25

Girls not field!

dizzydizzydizzy · 10/05/2023 13:24

I can't really tell from what you've said but I think it unlikely any lines have been crossed.

FWIW, I had a female teacher in the 1980s in an all field school. We all thought at the time she was crossing a line and it turned out our instincts were right - about 20 years later she was jailed for paedophilia. Maybe discuss it with your DD before going to the head?

Original poster
Crossinsomekindaline · 10/05/2023 13:24

OK, banter wise, from what I can tell just general teasing type stuff, like if my DD hasn't had time to do her hair particularly nice he might say 'oh nice hair today xxx, did you sleep in a hedge?' That kinda thing.

No, my DD isn't on Facebook but if you know someone's ID you can Google their profile, which I caught my DD and her friends doing.

No I don't think he's a raging paedo, but it's more a worry he's overly familiar and this will impact the quality of teaching and potentially put himself in a risky place.

To be honest it didn't bother me and he just seems like a nice bloke, but my partners concerns made me stop and think. I remember when I was in primary we had a very friendly fun male teacher. He had his little group of favorite girls (of which I wasn't one) who would sit on his knee and stay after class on occasion, etc. I distinctly remember him using his ruler to lift skirts to 'check for regulation knicker colours'. Being the 80s, after some parents complained he was quietly 'retired'.

OP posts:
DukeOfEdinburgh · 10/05/2023 13:21

Teachers really can’t win, can they? Poor bloke.

Deliaskis · 10/05/2023 13:13

Pretty much all of those things were what DD's Y6 teacher did last year (but 'banter' was probably more evenly dispersed). She was female.

PineappleLatte · 10/05/2023 13:13

Would you have the same concerns if the teacher was female?

SuperEkstra · 10/05/2023 13:12

My husband is a teacher (of nearly 30 years!) and this kind of post makes me sad. Unless you can give some examples of the "banter" I think you should give this poor man a break.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/05/2023 13:06

Difficult to tell from that. I'm a (swimming) teacher and I guess I might do those things, as a way of being friendly/human. Should it make a difference that I'm a woman?

ItsCalledAConversation · 10/05/2023 13:06

The thing about needing another adult in the room is just bonkers, you know this is a fully DBS checked qualified teacher, right?

Would you have the same issues if this person was female?

Examples of banter please. I hate the word, it makes me shudder and is often used as a cloak for bullying.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 10/05/2023 13:05

hamstersarse · 10/05/2023 12:51

He's either a really amazing teacher or a paedophile. Impossible to tell.

There's literally no in between 🤣

IncompleteSenten · 10/05/2023 13:04

What are some examples of this 'banter'?

Gizlotsmum · 10/05/2023 13:01

I think it all sounds fine, in fact he sounds like the kind of teacher year 6 kids need. Happy to banter, making SATS fun and I bet they are all learning loads under those conditions. 1 adult to 12 kids isn’t a bad ratio and I bet there were other staff in the building at all times

Ktime · 10/05/2023 12:57

I had a young male teacher in primary school, who was great fun. He was loved by all the kids, and I still remember his face 35 years later!

I had just moved to the UK as a young child and he was a big part of how I settled into life school quickly.

hamstersarse · 10/05/2023 12:51

Is your Year 6 child on Facebook?!?

MXVIT · 10/05/2023 12:51

@Dulra

OPs plan is to speak to the head. And I hope she's given short shrift