Ibiza after cheating

I don't know OP. You shouldn't have to chain a dog to the railings to make it stay on the porch. You understandably dont trust him, but i dont think the answer to that is to stop him doing the things that are normal in your relationship (which I assume lads holidays were, given he booked it before and you were fine with it) and 'stay close' so you can keep your eye on him. Its a miserable way to have to live for you.
Also, you can't build up trust that he won't stray when you know he can't anyway, as he's always with you.
Personally if you feel you can't trust him I don't see the point in bothering trying again really. There are other men out there who you wouldn't feel the need to restrict.

If he's going to cheat he will do it anywhere Ibiza or not, if you can't trust him don't go back. X

He cheated on you, and if he was really wanting to work on your relationship and regain your trust, going to ibiza on a bloody lads holiday should be the absolute last thing he would consider. And yet, he hasn't exactly NOT considered it has he? He hasn't cancelled it yet because he's laying that whole decision at your feet!

This is a common tactic. "Do you mind if I...?" It's invariably something borderline dodgy, but if you say yes, you're controlling. If you say no, you're a mug. It's so neat.

I choose to be neither. DH tried this a few times in the beginning of our relationship. My responses varied along the theme of, "I think it's twatish but you make your own mind up".

Let him go, and let him go.

If you truly trusted him and believed he wouldn't do it again you wouldn't ask him not to go. But you don't trust him (and rightly so) and I doubt you'll ever really trust him again.

Don't waste your life.

You've said he's OK with not going on holiday. He's not. If he was he would have just cancelled it.

This. This is what you need to listen to.

He is making you make the decision. He's telling you he isn't bothered, so he is coming across as all so reasonable, hoping you'll not want to look like a jealous GF and say he can't go. I mean he's being so reasonable about it, right?
He has even got YOU feeling bad now, for not wanting him to go! He shouldn't even be putting you in that position. HE should of immediately cancelled the damn holiday ffs, It shouldn't even be part of a conversation right now!

He cheated on you, and if he was really wanting to work on your relationship and regain your trust, going to ibiza on a bloody lads holiday should be the absolute last thing he would consider. And yet, he hasn't exactly NOT considered it has he? He hasn't cancelled it yet because he's laying that whole decision at your feet!

Instead, its all on you now, whether he goes. Thats lovely of him isn't it!

Of course you can't tell someone they can't go. I think I'd go with 'do whatever you want to do'. and then when he jets off, get rid of him.

Someone who loves you does not cheat on you OP. Ever. At all. And they certainly do not then even consider going on a bloody lads holiday afterwards.

He treats you well… apart from letting his penis fall into other women’s vaginas! 🙄
There is no way on Earth he will manage to keep it in his pants in Ibiza I’m afraid.
Cut your losses now.
He’s turning you into a needy, insecure person.
It will end in a few months anyway as there’s no way you’ll be able to build the trust back up after he’s cheated so early on in the relationship.
Gather your dignity and tell him to do one.

Its very clear cut in this situation. You either trust him and he goes or you end it. You can't control him.

"You're going to waste the most fertile years of your life with a man who has alreadybetrayed you? A man who shattered your trust just so he could get a leg over some other woman?

It is fucking madness to stay with him."

This

You either trust him or you don't. He didn't have to be in Ibiza to cheat last time.

I think telling him not to go is just going to create resentment. And where does it stop? Will he never be able to go out anywhere again because the trust is broken?

You should leave him if you don't trust him not to cheat again.

You can’t tell him not to go. But seeing as he has form, and he’ll be a long way from home and fairly safe as to you finding anything out, I’d fully expect him to cheat again.

He’s going on a lads holiday in his thirties & it’s not a stag + cheating… in the bin.

My exH did this once before we were married and I forgave him. We married several years later then he did it again when my Dc were babies. I have brought up both of my children to learn about emotional intelligence and how lack of it can severely hurt another person and break up families. If it's the last thing I do I want them to understand that other people's feelings matter.

He cheated on you, you have no kids, get rid. If you still want to try after he's been to Ibiza then go ahead. Use his holiday to Ibiza as a way of clearing your head and making your mind up.

He cheated, you don't trust him. No point in getting back together because he will always cheat and you will always feel like crap.

You deserve better, if he can’t be faithful at home there is no chance he will be faithful In Ibiza!

cut your losses and find yourself a real good man who treats you with respect.

You'll always be looking over your shoulder, wondering if he's cheating. It's a toxic dynamic to have to ask your partner's permission to go out/away on holiday and for you to have to set rules for him to follow. He's not a child and you're not his mother. He should have the balls to end a relationship if he's fallen out of love with his partner, rather than feel the need to cheat. He's not a 'good' man; he's an insecure, silly little boy who can't keep it in his pants and wants someone to mother him, until he finds someone he likes the idea of being with more.

You deserve so much more from a relationship.

I’m not sure what him not going will achieve? Is it that by not going he’s demonstrating in your eyes that he’s taking himself out of temptations way? If so, that’s no way to go about rebuilding trust in this situation. I would agree if he was choosing this trip over something you’d planned to do together as part of getting back on track but that doesn’t seem to be the case from your post.

He’s a good man really. Treats me well

no he doesn’t 🙄

I personally don’t think he should go and if he was serious about rebuilding your trust, HE should be the one cancelling his plans, he shouldn’t be putting the decision on to you.

Relationships can survive after cheating but with lots of hard work.

You will never be able to fully trust him ever again

Move on

If your bf REALLY wanted to rebuild your trust and was properly remorseful he would cancel without badgering. He would be prioritising you over his friends as it's you he betrayed. Remorseful people will do everything to make amends.
How do you even know it was the only time he cheated and not the only time he was discovered? ?

I completely agree.

Why are you even with him at the age of 31? He has done you a favour by showing you what a loser he is before you had kids. Dump and move on. Being single is better than this

If he wants to cheat he could just download Tinder and be in another woman’s bed by the end of the afternoon. It doesn’t matter if he’s in Ibiza or Romford. You don’t want him to go because you don’t trust him and a bit of you wants to punish him and also test him by getting him to choose you instead of Ibiza, but it’s not a real choice, is it? If he stayed it would only be to appease you, not because that’s what he wanted to do.

Do you think he’ll cheat on you again in Ibiza? He could do that again anytime here as well. Why waste your time with a cheater op