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Original poster

OH and alcohol issues

28 replies

Lor22 · 07/05/2023 22:54

Hi,

I'd really like some advice. I have been with my partner for 10 years, we are not married but share two children. My partner has suffered with his mental health for the last few years. This is mainly due to grief and gambling issues.

Over the years my partner has gone out at weekends and got so drunk that he's being sick in his sleep. When he wakes (and I've cleaned everything) he doesn't remember anything. We argue about this and often we don't speak for days. He eventually apologises and we sort things out. In the back of my mind I am waiting for this to happen again. This has repeatedly spoilt our weekend plans as a family as he's then too hungover to do anything or I take the children out alone.

This has often resulted in his staying with his mum, or I take the children to my mums. Again, he manages to say the right things and we make up. He apologises and says it won't happen again.

Before Christmas it happened and he said he would stop drinking if it meant keeping us all together as a family. This hasn't happened. Two weeks ago I had to scoop sick out of his mouth he was so drunk. If I hadn't have done this, he would have choked on his sick in the night.

Recently, the same thing has happened when my two children were poorly. I text him asking to come home and help and he didn't. I couldn't cope with him being sick as well that night so I locked him out and said he needed to find elsewhere to stay.

The next morning he asked to come home and I said it wasn't what I wanted, I needed to concentrate on getting the kids better and I had a reply with a long message which basically said without us he had nothing and that he won't bother us anymore (a goodbye message).

I feel I had to let him back into our home to see the children and to diffuse the situation but now I feel totally stuck. I have repeatedly told him I don't want to stop him going out or having time with his friends I simply want him to drink less so I don't have to deal with the aftermath. I can't live this way and feel it's unfair on the children too...

If anyone else has been in a similar situation and has any advice I'd be really great full to hear it 😞

OP posts:
TakingTheCake · 08/05/2023 07:43

This is really really shocking and honestly he is lucky to be alive at this point. Doesn't he realise that?

He needs to quit drinking for good. He is not taking responsibility for doing this, he is acting like you are a nag when in fact he is risking his own life every time he drinks.

You can't make him quit. All you can do is set a boundary for what you can live with. Imo a strong stance would be, if he doesn't get help for drinking and ever drinks again, he is out.

Snugglemonkey · 07/05/2023 23:17

This is harsh, but sadly the truth. You need to kick him out if you want the behaviour to stop. You are asking someone out of control to self regulate. He is either unwilling, or unable. It does not matter which. Someone has to step in to protect the children from living in this atmosphere. That someone is not going to be him. That only leaves you. You need to put you and your children over this man.

BloodyInternetWeirdos · 07/05/2023 23:08

He apologises and says it won’t happen again.
It does happen again because he cares more about drinking to excess than what it’s doing to you, your relationship and the DC.
When you say enough is enough he emotionally blackmails you into letting him back by hinting that he would disappear.
Honestly, he isn’t going to change.
His behaviour will have long term effects on the DC.
He is incapable of moderating his drinking.