No one likes me

Its unlikely to be you - its just timings/the randomness of connections.

For example - a former colleague got in touch with me recently as they had moved nearby, and I invited them round for coffee. Had a lovely morning, and spoke abstractly about doing it again. Since then, my professional life has become hellish busy and my children have been invited to a ridiculous number of parties, so every time they've got in touch I have declined (giving reasons) and not suggested a future date as I geniunely can't see any gaps in my calendar for ages.

They probably feel slighted/rejected but its not that I don't want to be friends with them, its just they are not a high enough priority in my life to carve out time at present. If we'd first met up again at a different point in my life, we'd probably be meeting regularly and building a deeper connection so then when I hit a really busy stage they would've been a priority to squeeze in space to meet somehow.

What I'm trying to say is - try not to take rejections personally and just keep being a nice person to many, and eventually the timings/connections will align.

Have you done a test for adhd or autism - there are some online - not perfect but might point you in that direction, or not.

I have felt this my whole life ,especially women ,so my step mum and mil and to some extent my mum ,I felt strongly I wasn’t liked .
bullied at every school ,I was like a beacon for bullies.I didn’t ever manage more than one friend at each school I went to ,some schools I didn’t manage a single friend
going to the childrens center age 43 ish ,and the odd toddler group gave me a few friends,but as my kids got older they drifted away .once the kids grew apart I couldn’t hold on to the friendships
my kids got diagnosed with autism and we lost a few friends that way
I’m currently gettIng assessed for autism and adhd later this year ,I think that is why I’ve struggled with friends

@Garethkeenansstapler Golden advice. Literally gonna copy and paste it. Save it in my phone lol

If someone is standing away on their own they just don’t want to interact, it’s pretty obvious. Maybe you aren’t so great at reading social situations. It’s really knowing when to approach and also how deeply people want to interact.

I do not quite know how to describe it but I’m good at interacting with people, my Mother was as well as my sisters, my son is the same. I do wonder how much is learnt behaviour. As you have had a difficult start in life you may give off a nervous vibe, it’s understandable. Maybe contemplate having therapy, confidence does attract people. I think that’s what my family have.

@GretaGood I always feel a bit wary when people describe themselves as kind as it’s a bit nondescript. The most interesting people I know are slightly difficult. Not awful but they will stay true to their principles.

@Garethkeenansstapler this is exactly
what I have noticed is happening to me. How do I change this? I feel very dull but like to be helpful but perhaps too much.
This seems to happen with school mum friends, my old friends not so much.

I want friends who are funny and make me laugh - kind friends would be a bit of a chore ie I would have to be 'kind' back, so what's that? Take them for lunch, invite them for coffee - all a bit intense.
I think you should do some volunteering - as most of the people I know don't volunteer it gives you something to talk about which they are interested in.
Join some groups yoga, art, choir, tennis, bridge, walking and stick them out even if they seem unfriendly initially.

Why didn’t you say hello to this man if you knew him and join in the conversation?

The happiest people I know are basically selfish underneath. They put their needs first . If they are unhappy in a situation/ job or relationship off they go . They don't harm others they just don't tolerate shit .

These threads seem to come up at least a few times a week. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way OP.

Every time the OP says they’re a kind and caring person and I don’t doubt that’s true. However other people seem to want friendships for escapism rather than mutual support - ‘kind and caring’ seems to already be ticked off by having a husband/sisters/mum, or just means you get taken advantage of. Are you the life and soul of the party on a weekend away? Good fun when out for drinks? Are you a confident and interesting person who people enjoy being around?

I used to be the kind and caring type until I realised it just meant people got in touch with their problems or needing a favour. Mothering my friends and being ‘supportive’ for years had actually made me quite intense and dull, someone they turned to in their hour of need but didn’t invite out or on hen dos.

I had to make a major effort to detach myself a little and work on my self esteem. Once I relaxed and stopped being a support friend it was amazing how many invitations I received and how much other people wanted to be around me.

So my best advice would be fake it til you make it. Don’t fill the silences, start saying no to people and be a little bit selfish. Make the jokes you want to make and don’t worry about how they ‘come across’. Act like you’re there to be entertained and enjoy yourself, not to please or entertain others. Other people will treat you how you let them, it’s all a bit of a Jedi mind trick really. It doesn’t mean never be there for your friends, but don’t take on a ‘school nurse’ like role over them because people might feel safe around their school nurse but who wants to go for cocktails with them?

Also (and I know I’ll get criticised for this) are you in need of a bit of a make over? I find when I’m happy with the way I look, my confidence follows and therefore my likeability.

OP you can turn this on its head and rather than seeing these people's aloofness as a referendum on your liveability, say to yourself, are they worth the bother? If they are making themselves that hard to get to know, if they are bordering on impolite - why bother with them? Move on to the next people you meet.
Maybe the reason you don't have many friends is that you waste all your efforts on people that don't want to be friends, so you have no energy left for people who do. Been there, done that. I hope you can break the habit at a younger age then I did!

I moved to a brand new place and found a Facebook group called 'be her friend LOCATION'
you could search if one is in your area?

it's a complete mix of people and you do have to push yourself out there that made me uncomfy at first but glad I just 'went for it' as obviously everyone is in the group for the exact same purpose of making friendships.

some things didn't work out (suppose abit like online dating) but I have made friends for life also.

I feel the same, I really do. I've had a childhood's worth of feeling unferior, constantly told how fat and ugly I was by my mother. Then a string of traumatic experiences, parental abandonment and abusive relationships.

I feel worthless, frankly, i feel like nobody wants me really, not even my partner. I've been excluded by my mum/gran/aunt all my life, i feel excluded still, like nobody really wants to know me.

Thing is... I genuinely love people. Id give anything to anyone. I genuinely loce my fellow humans, I care about everyone, even people i don't know. Im naive and gullible, despite all the rejection I've faced i still try to see the best in everyone i meet.

I love people. I really do. I just wish i was wanted and loved unconditionally myself.

But im just a mental worthless psycho.

So damn lonely. So damn unwanted.

I wish you were my neighbour. I feel very much the same way. I'd hugely appreciate you being friendly and would appreciate having someone to have a natter with. Keep your chin up OP, it's definitely not you

This comes up all the time on here. I think you need to take some responsibility for this dynamic, if it occurs in most or all your relationships. If you generally invite people to view you as the rock/listener/helper without needs, you need to look at why you’re people-pleasing to this extent, and then resenting it when people treat you in the way you’re inviting.

Well done re book club op. Neighbours takes time we here years. School run I met them that route. Was in walking group I put a message up for a coffee. Nothing. Disheartening. Everyone busy busy. I just do things myself now as less hassles

You hit the nail on the head when you used the words 'I feel' when describing the situation. Feelings are not reliable, and in this situation are making you come up with ideas about what may be going on that we dont know for sure are true. It can take years to make friends with people, and as others have said here, your best bet is to find something you feel really passionate about and stick to it. The thing about adult friendships is that they are tricky - it is not just about liking the other person but also having time and energy to be inclined to make an effort with new people. I would be money that you are liked, but think it may just be about accepting that its a numbers things and it takes a lot of time..

Making friends as an adult is very tough.

It's not you. One thing I do, which I know I shouldn't, is think about my own feelings before others. For example in your situation, thinking about how their actions must mean they don't like you, when I'm reality they're probably either shy, slow burners, or thinking you may move on quickly so not bothering yet.

The friendships your neighbours have may have taken decades to build. Or they might have other connections you're not aware of.

I get how you feel, you're not alone, but I assure you, it's nothing personal.

Great idea! I hope you'll let us know how it goes.

I think a book club sounds great, I would love to go to one! Not weird at all.