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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How does DH survive at work?

208 replies

Putyourdamnshoeson · 06/05/2023 15:09

He's a senior manager in a large, multi national firm. He's well respected. How? The man is incapable of communicating in any way effectively.

Today, he asks if I'll come with him to DIY shops later to suss out something for a project (a retrofit to make the thing he insisted on work the way it needs to, rather than spend the bit extra I wanted to to just buy the thing we needed in the first place. His way will cost more and take more effort). I said yes, but first we need lunch. I oversee 2 DCs, tweens, getting their own lunch, pick at a bit myself, go upstairs to put shoes on. Waiting for him to say he's ready. 10 minutes later, nothing, I call, nothing. Ask DS10 where his dad is, he says 'don't know, oh wait, he's in the car'.
I go to the car, there he is, he's been there for more than 5 minutes apparently. I ask why he didn't shout, he said 'oh I told DS10 to tell you' (Ds by the way has ADHD).
I ask if he has told DD13 that we are going out, that she's in charge of dog, where were going, we have phones etc, nope. Hadn't thought to.
So, I go back in, tell them, answer the usual 9 questions, etc.
Come back to car, he says 'you took your time', I, admittedly sarcastically said 'yes, I was just parenting, as someone has to'. He goes.on one about how me speaking to 'them' like that is the problem we have as a family, if I could just answer more levelly about things everyone would be happier.
Huh? Him, he means him. He has only very recently, on 90th time of asking started to pay attention to when parents evenings, birthday parties, practices etc might be, even then, it is standard that I remind him.

How on earth does he cope at work, with multi million pound projects?

Yabu: you shouldn't have expected him to tell the kids where you were going and should have responded kindly.
Yanbu: FFS, he can cope for 37 hours a week, presumably, it would be normal to communicate and lead (on a DIY project he suggested)

I'm irritated and fed up of doing all the thinking. I might get flamed, who knows.

OP posts:
Setyoufree · 06/05/2023 15:25

Careerdilemma · 06/05/2023 15:24

I work with plenty of idiots in very senior roles in multi million pound organisations. They get promoted by getting other people to deal with the things they consider beneath them and trampling all over other people. Much like how he acts as a husband really.

I came here to say exactly this. Unfortunately this is how it is, he's likely just as shit at work as he is at work.

Putyourdamnshoeson · 06/05/2023 15:24

PocketBattleship · 06/05/2023 15:21

Maybe if you try asking him to "manage" his kids rather than "parent" them, he might.

Joking. I think.

God, no. I think you're right.

OP posts:
Careerdilemma · 06/05/2023 15:24

I work with plenty of idiots in very senior roles in multi million pound organisations. They get promoted by getting other people to deal with the things they consider beneath them and trampling all over other people. Much like how he acts as a husband really.

PocketBattleship · 06/05/2023 15:21

Maybe if you try asking him to "manage" his kids rather than "parent" them, he might.

Joking. I think.

90stalgia · 06/05/2023 15:19

Large, multi-national firms are full over over-promoted, thick blokes.

YouWithoutEnd · 06/05/2023 15:19

He’s got you to do all of the wife work for him.

SweetSakura · 06/05/2023 15:18

Tbh a lot of men rise quite high at work whilst being utterly rubbish communicators/rubbish technically. as women we tend to have to be twice as impressive to progres the same amount

NewtonsCradle · 06/05/2023 15:17

A wife is a personal assistant who doesn't get paid!!