Need advice, I cannot forgive myself for a mistake at work

I have a similar tendency to dwell OP, sometimes for years! I recently made a driving error - not one that put anybody at risk but one that made me feel really stupid. I kept going over and over it in my head but the thing that helped in the end was actually telling myself out loud that it was a mistake, it’s over, there were no lasting consequences and what I’d learned from it. It seemed to make something click in my brain so I could stop thinking about it.

I design and build quite complex machines.

I work very hard to make them indestructable by end users, but because they are complex and designed to be programmed, it is hard to cater for every eventuality.

The issue is though, when someone manages to damage one of my creations, it is my fault, not the operator, for not putting in the necessary safeguards. Unless the operator is doing something that constitutes abuse (such as taking a hammer to it) it can never be the operators fault. The more valuable the machine, the more comprehensive the safeguards must be.

People make mistakes. People running machines all day every day are going to make mistakes. It happens. Learn from it, channel your energy into something more constructive, maybe setting up a meeting in the business to report stuff when things go wrong and issue instructions or change procedures to improve the situation to stop it happening again. Don't dwell on this particular incident.

I think your company have mucked up by not giving adequate training.
Don't beat yourself up about it, it's their own fault, and quite likely why your boss is annoyed

If people, including managers, are telling you that this has happened several times in the past then the company should be reviewing its training practices.

Their fault then, not yours. A sink or swim approach means mistakes will inevitably be made and someone will probably have a nasty accident one day and the company will be prosecuted by the HSE.

You sound lovely and conscientious and obviously your colleagues appreciate and respect you as they are trying to reassure you. Sounds like you've suggested ways for improvements as well, you honestly sound like an exemplary employee and you made a mistake, you are human. Show yourself some kindness

@Reallybadidea nails it:

If you minimised it, tried to blame others or made the same mistake again then your colleagues might think differently of you. But the fact that they're all trying to reassure you demonstrates that they have faith in you and like you. They might even think more highly of you now because you're willing to accept responsibility and obviously care about your work.

Go easy on yourself, OP, and let it go.

I had a similar situation 2 weeks into a new job, it was awful and I was mortified! I think, like you, the worst part for me was feeling like I'd let people down and that they'd think badly of me. However, my colleagues were brilliant about it. I always tell the story to new starters now to reassure them that it's ok to fuck up sometimes as long as you learn from it! I've been here nearly 7 years now and it has never been mentioned by anyone and I've definitely proved myself since! Give yourself one last full day of really wallowing in it, have a good cry, then start again afresh tomorrow.

This, though harsh, is true. It gets really wearing reassuring someone. If this is something you suffer from (refusal to accept less than perfection) then it would be good to do some work on that and why. Everyone is human , mistakes happen and if you are usually a reliable worker people will be fine and see it as a blip. Don’t let this one thing define you.

i sometimes find it useful to think of people like politicians and the stuff they do and cock up majorly (people do die) and are not even apologetic, not a way to live your life but good to take a little minuscule bit of that approach.

This.

I'm a safety consultant in a niche area and your posts raises a long list of issues that your company should have addressed long ago.

Sounds like this equipment should have had an alarm, and even better be designed to stop the thing that happened happening in the first place. Alarms are only a back up.

Then there are questions about whether the risk assessment was suitable and sufficient (probably not).

Proper investigation of repeated near misses/accidents and measures put in place to prevent reoccurrences.

Was the situation reportable under RIDDOR (reporting of injuries, diseases and dangerous occurences) regulations. Was what happened a 'dangerous occurrence' that is reportable to HSE?

Then the obvious lack of training in use of machinery.

I read a lot of accident reports where people have died or been seriously injured. All of the above comes up just about every time.

If your company don't appear to be taking this issue seriously and it's a health and safety matter, not just damaged product/equipment, you should consider reporting them to the Health and Safety Executive.

https://www.hse.gov.uk/contact/tell-us-about-a-health-and-safety-issue.htm

(note the bit about legal protection against dismissal for whistleblowers).

Good advice.

the thing that will make you feel better is time. You sort of have to live through the mortification and it’s awful, but no one was hurt, as time goes by it will feel less awful

I know it is totally different but I broke the slush puppy machine on my second day of working at an activity centre for children. The tears. Tears all day from children who wanted slush puppies. Parents stressed because a Fruit Shoot wasn't gonna cut it. My new manager pissed because Slush Puppies were one of the biggest money makers there and she had to also pay someone to fix the machine. If 16 year old me can get over it, so can you especially as everyone at your work said it was ok.

It sounds to me like you're feeling worried that this will have changed how people see you - that previously they thought you were capable and a safe pair of hands and now they don't?

People don't usually change their opinion of someone based on one incident. If you minimised it, tried to blame others or made the same mistake again then your colleagues might think differently of you. But the fact that they're all trying to reassure you demonstrates that they have faith in you and like you. They might even think more highly of you now because you're willing to accept responsibility and obviously care about your work.

Maybe actively try to stop thinking about it? Every time it comes into your mind then change the subject in your head. It's ok to move on from your mistake now.

A colleague made a mistake with a machine at work once, which led to it breaking - I didn't think anything negative of them, as mistakes happen and we're all human!

PP is completely right, part of being a responsible, well balanced adult is allowing yourself to move on.

I sometimes judge things by what their significance would be a year in the future - for example, will this mistake at work affect you in a year's time? Absolutely not, in a few days you won't even be thinking about it! So you can forgive yourself and let it go :)

Try thinking about what would you say if this had happened to someone else, would you be as mean with your words to another as you're being to yourself.

We all make mistakes, chalk it up to experience and be kind to yourself x

This for sure

You ARE becoming self indulgent despite the fact that the same mistake was made before on the same machine and your employer has done nothing about it

When I fuck up (because everyone does), I just remind myself that I’m not operating a life support machine which has proper, serious consequences if you make a mistake.

No idea why you should feel bad, it’s entirely your companies fault. In fact you should be angry at them. Lack of proper training is entirely on them. In an ideal word there should be a culture where you are able to refuse to use equipment you don’t feel trained or confident to use, not this ‘sink or swim’ just get on with it bullshit. They should be investigating thoroughly and putting measures in place to improve their training systems. Even though no one was hurt it should still be classed as a near miss, so health and safety should get involved, though I’ll hazard a guess that’s also borderline non-existent. Needs to be taken seriously (by them) or next time someone, maybe you, could get hurt.

There was a mumsnet thread a while ago about mistakes people have made at work, there were so many, I recon reading it would make you feel better.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/3936889-to-ask-you-about-the-worst-mistake-you-ve-made-at-work

You’re being self-indulgent now, as you have been reassured several times and clearly you still have a job. Maturing includes accepting that you’re not perfect and you will make mistakes. Learning from your mistakes is how you improve. Stop the pity party and move on, otherwise you’ll get stuck and your colleagues will get fed up.

As @groovergirl says, no-one died, no-one was seriously injured. And while the machine is going to be out of action for a while, it doesn't sound like it's damaged beyond repair. Yes, you screwed up, but you're not the first person to have done so, and part of the responsibility lies with those who were meant to train you on using the machine. If it's the only one that doesn't have alarms to warn that you're going over tolerances, then it's good practice to have warning signs on the machine (within visual range while using it if at all possible) to remind you of that, and what the limits are. If this error means that mitigations are put in place to stop other people making the same mistake, then in the long run it's a minor issue.

You should not have been asked to operate machinery without proper instruction