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AIBU?

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Original poster

DP didn't come back

186 replies

ohfacksake · 03/05/2023 20:48

I may be BU and I may not, I don't know, but I'm so pissed off.

DP and I are going away for the night tomorrow. We have an early start and had planned to use today to get packed and sorted so we can head out straight away in the morning.

DP needed to go to his DM's to collect a few things, and left at 10am. Said he was going to be back at 5 and then had "missed" the bus. So then he asked if he should stay at his DM's and I collect him after DC's (not his) swimming lessons, and I said no I'd rather him get the 5.30 bus so he can start with the packing and I can help finish when I got back from swimming lessons. I told him I didn't want to spend all evening doing it because I wanted to relax and get an early night ready for a long day tomorrow. He then decided he needed to see a friend so he was going to meet me at the DC's swimming lessons.

I told him he's taking the piss and that we had planned to get things done together. He's saying it is what it is. I've said I'm not doing it when I get back from swimming as I'm not stressing about that and getting the DCs into bed.

Went to swimming lessons, he didn't meet me there, I had to go and pick him up elsewhere.

We get home and have had a row because he doesn't know what he's doing with packing and sorting everything else out for tomorrow. I say he should've thought about that before staying out (he has been drinking as well, wasn't just a catch up with a cuppa. And I've been working all day as WFH and have been in meetings).

So now I've stormed out and said let's see how he likes it if I fuck off for hours on end and expect him to do everything - including putting DC to bed!

I don't think I have helped the situation by walking out, but why couldn't he have come back at a reasonable time so we could've sorted everything?

I haven't been diagnosed but I'm sure I have ADHD so struggle with some things and don't necessarily always think rationally. But I just can't calm down from feeling pissed off. I'm currently sat in my car half way down the road so he thinks I've gone out somewhere 🤦🏼‍♀️

Sorry for the long post!

OP posts:
MattTebbuttsDenimShirt · 04/05/2023 00:51

You've left him to put your children to bed?

That's a YABU

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 04/05/2023 00:34

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/05/2023 00:30

There are some nutjobs on this thread. Of course YANBU. He should have been there to do his share.

I would find it difficult to be in a relationship with someone that obtuse. tbh.

Is it “his share” to pack for her kids and her cat? And to sort the jobs in her home before they go?

jm not sure. Since they don’t live together and these aren’t his kids, I don’t think I feel it is his responsibility to pack for them.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/05/2023 00:30

There are some nutjobs on this thread. Of course YANBU. He should have been there to do his share.

I would find it difficult to be in a relationship with someone that obtuse. tbh.

MeinKraft · 04/05/2023 00:28

You were being a bit OTT but you know, at least he knows he can't walk over you!

quietnightmare · 04/05/2023 00:24

If you struggle with this next time pack the week/few days before or back gradually over the week before

MrsMiddleMother · 04/05/2023 00:23

I'm glad to see you calmed down op but you were being unreasonable. They're your kids not his so you have to pack their stuff and sort them out, it's your cat so you do the same. You say you don't live together to you need to pack your own stuff. I get the outburst, I too am waiting for an adhd diagnosis but they're your responsibilities you were pushing on to him.

Viviennemary · 04/05/2023 00:21

You both sound a bit ridiculous. Why didnt you just skip the swimming lesson if you are short of time. Better than all this silly tantrumming.

creamcushion · 04/05/2023 00:16

I have ADHD OP and this thread has made me feel seen! As @SarahDippity has kind of said, I plan my days and tasks and emotional energy around what other people tell me what they're going to do, and when they're going to do it. If this deviates I find it really difficult to re-align myself and my mentality, and it really throws me off. So in that regard I don't think you're BU, I would have thrown a similar wobbler in this situation.

Your DP sounds like a bit of an arse, it's not difficult for him to do his bit while you're prepping to go away.

SarahDippity · 04/05/2023 00:07

I knew from page 1 where posters were saying ‘what’s the problem, just pack for you 🤷🏼‍♀️’ that the prospect of the mental load of sorting out the kids, house, cat 🐱, was overwhelming you. But also - it’s the feeling of being let down and left alone to persuade the other person to just be home so things can run smoothly. Personally, I wouldn’t be apologetic, I’d be saying ‘for both of us to be relaxed and happy going away, just stick to the plan.’

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/05/2023 00:05

ohfacksake · 03/05/2023 22:16

@Erex you have hit the nail on the head and thank you for understanding.

I do realise I need to apologise. I need to start the process for a diagnosis as I think I'll then learn to deal with these feelings and outbursts! DP thinks I'm just trying to label myself and that everyone feels/thinks/reacts hoe I do, but I know my brain is different.

Again, thank you, I really appreciate it.

Why do you need to apologise? He didn’t fulfil his side of the bargain and had been drinking so it was left to you. What you do need to do is talk about what happened.

I get terribly stressed about packing and have a husband, who is clueless about it all so I totally get where you’re coming from.

ShippingForecastMeditator · 03/05/2023 23:59

Do people enjoy this level of drama? I blame Eastenders.

NaNaNaNaNaNaBaNaNa · 03/05/2023 23:51

I had a (quiet internal) meltdown today because the chicken I was waiting for was going to take 15 minutes to cook and that didn't match up with the to-the-minute plans I had mapped out to try and keep myself focused and get everything done this evening. So I just left without it with no plan for dinner for myself. Again.

ADHD can be overwhelming, cut yourself some slack. People who don't get it don't get it.

goingtotown · 03/05/2023 23:51

Wrong thread

goingtotown · 03/05/2023 23:51

I'm sorry OP you need to toughen up, she's done a diabolical job, don't pay her & tell her you don't feel confident to let her wallpaper again.

Boobahs · 03/05/2023 23:48

Nope, I'm NT and that would piss me right off. He's arsed around all day and then expected you to bail him out of different situations, knowing you've been working and had the general day to day stuff of kids, teatime, swimming lessons to deal with plus all the packing shit.

I wouldn't be helping him pack any of his stuff and if he forgets anything, I'd ignore the inevitable whinging and sulking. Sorry, but his actions have been very inconsiderate towards you today.

Tanith · 03/05/2023 23:44

So it's easy to pack, only takes 10 minutes, Op is being a martyr etc. etc., is it?

So why can't he do it?

Because he clearly can't if he doesn't know what to pack and doesn't know what he's doing.

But it should only take him 10 minutes, he's making such a drama out of it... Hmm

Original poster
ohfacksake · 03/05/2023 23:31

Outliers · 03/05/2023 23:28

YABU.

It's hard not to perceive you as controlling and mean. It's not that serious, take it easy.

Noted. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
ohfacksake · 03/05/2023 23:31

Azerothi · 03/05/2023 23:12

Do you and this current boyfriend live together?

No, for many reasons

OP posts:
Original poster
ohfacksake · 03/05/2023 23:30

Summerfun54321 · 03/05/2023 23:07

The cat is staying out so I need to sort his stuff out for his sleepover.

What have I just read!? Cats have sleepovers!?

I did mean that in a funny way but I have anxiety worry about him being alone for so long

OP posts:
Outliers · 03/05/2023 23:28

YABU.

It's hard not to perceive you as controlling and mean. It's not that serious, take it easy.

Azerothi · 03/05/2023 23:12

Do you and this current boyfriend live together?

Summerfun54321 · 03/05/2023 23:07

The cat is staying out so I need to sort his stuff out for his sleepover.

What have I just read!? Cats have sleepovers!?

grumpycow1 · 03/05/2023 23:06

I’m also suspected ADHD but undiagnosed and would also get really upset at this, but rationally looking at it, I think it could be to do with a symptom called RSD. Making a plan with someone and them letting me down or being late does make me upset. I also get anxious about packing because I need to double and triple check everything. That being said, he does sound annoying and should have communicated better with you.

Original poster
ohfacksake · 03/05/2023 22:50

@Hawkins003 yeah I'm sure. He was definitely at his mum's.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohfacksake · 03/05/2023 22:49

Oh they're not attaching!

OP posts: