DP didn't come back

@ohfacksake just to say I have suspected ADHD as well and HATE packing, all the thinking and over thinking about what required. I put it off and put it off till the last minute then that makes it worse.

next time - give yourself extra time to pack and be clear to your dp that you need help with it, even if he's just sitting on the bed whilst you pack.

it's a horrid feeling so hugs.

Completely agree.

He should be running for the hills.

5 months in boyfriend and you walk out on your children to punish him🙄.

Your poor children.

They are not the responsibility of your boyfriend.

Unbelievable.

So the OP is going away with her boyfriend, who doesn't live with her, isn't the father of her children, yet is pissed off at having to sort HER children out to go away, and sort HER home, and HER packing?

He may be flaky but all of these things are yours to sort out.

Walking out of your home and on your children, leaving your children with a boyfriend who isn't their father or lives in their home, to somehow punish HIM???

What am I missing here?

He doesn't live with you.
They are NOT his children.
Putting them to bed is NOT his responsibility.

Awful behaviour IMO.

The responses seem to be going the way they are because she mentioned possible ADHD, which is interesting given how quickly posters usually are to lampoon a woman introducing a new boyfriend so quickly never mind leaving her kids with him alone to do bloody bedtime.

Good point.

After 5 months, if that’s the case, and not living together, he’s a short term boyfriend, not remotely a partner who should be left doing bedtime after being out boozing.

Nothing else makes that okay. She presumably managed her own kids packed lunches and how to care for her cat before she started dating him.

The responses seem to be going the way they are because she mentioned possible ADHD, which is interesting given how quickly posters usually are to lampoon a woman introducing a new boyfriend so quickly never mind leaving her kids with him alone to do bloody bedtime.

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. You probably have ADHD. Your partner knows you probably have ADHD and that you find sequencing the tasks needed to pack difficult. Knowing this about you, he left you in the lurch.

However easy other people find packing, you don't. So, your partner should have tried to make things easier, not harder, for you.

Talking about people ignoring stuff the OP has said. Everyone is saying that he is not responsible for helping her with the children because they are not his kids but the big difference is he offered to help OP. He told her he would be back from his mother's at 5 to help instead he decided to disregard the plans he made to help and go out with a friend. He could of easily said to his friend sorry can't stop to have a chat right now need to get back to help the partner. She wanted to do it herself earlier on in the week so she is not expecting help off of him but he told her to wait so that he could help her do it. People saying she should of just done it anyways, she probably wanted to have trust in her partner that they would stick to their word of helping her. Doesn't matter how long any of it would of taken, if you promise to help someone then suddenly change your mind last minute on the day your meant to be helping them that is rude. Especially when it wasnt anything urgent getting in the way of him helping.

@CandidaAlbicans2 probably because you can’t pack your kids lunch, school bags or your car up a week in advance anyway!

The DCs aren't coming with us so it's packing their stuff for their dad's, getting school bags ready, packed lunches ready. The cat is staying out so I need to sort his stuff out for his sleepover.

Putting aside the length of time OP wanted to pack, etc, the bottom line is -

She wanted to start packing a week before but he talked her out of it, saying they'd do it the day before

Then he went to his DM's and said he was going to be back at 5 but wasn't

Then he decided to see his mate and said he'd meet her at swimming, but he didn't. She then had to pick him up rather than him having got the bus as he said he would.

So he caused the last minute packing issue OP desperately wanted to avoid by persuading her to leave it to the day before, then letting her down.

In relationships, people need to be able to trust their partners to do what they say they're going to do. Being unreliable is a killer

If you're only going away for the night, you just pack a few things. Write a list and pack a bag. I'd do mine and the kids. The husband does his own. Not sure why you need him home to pack. I wouldn't have picked him up either, I'd expect him to catch the bus.

I've just searched and at the end of November 2022, OP was posting about how hard it is to find the good guys and how she doesn't know if she'll ever find anyone to date again.

ohfacksake · 22/11/2022 13:24

I just feel so 'meh' about it all. What if it takes me another 3+ years to even find someone to date again, let alone be in a relationship with them! I know no one has any answers. It's just really disappointing and sad when your life hasn't turned out how you imagined it would.

So she has been in a relationship with this boyfriend for a MAXIMUM of five months. And she is leaving him, drunk, in sole charge of her young children - not even asking him if he is OK with it.

This isn't remotely OK parenting. This is putting your children at risk of all sorts of serious harm. And it's not fair on the boyfriend either.

This keeps on being ignored, and fact op stropped off and left him to do bedtime because he hadn't packed for her/her kids/her cat!

I don't think that ADHD, diagnosed or otherwise, makes it OK to leave your young children with your boyfriend, who isn't their dad, who's been drinking an unspecified amount, and who you've just kicked off and had a big row with.

I have RTFT and am aware that the OP came back and that it was OK. But that doesn't mean it was OK to do it in the first place.

I think this is more to do with OP feeling overwhelmed (rightly or wrongly) with what needed to be done, than anything that her DP did. Because taking out the long story all he actually did was arrive a bit later than planned (but still in plenty of time) to help with packing, having had a drink (and probably a single drink if OP was happy to leave him with her DC).

OP - Do lists help you? It strikes me that packing for your DC to go to their dad's must be a regular occurrence, and tbh the children can probably manage that themselves if they are old enough for swimming lessons (possibly with you checking if they are younger school age).
Then you write yourself a list of what you need to pack to go away and work down it. And it will be pretty much the same every time you go away (with minor tweaks) so you have it for next time.

This sounds like a case of you deciding things must be done in a certain way and being entirely unable to cope with a (fairly minor) change to the plan.

And why on early shouldn't a single person with nothing to do other than help their partner pack in the evening spend their day off how they want?

This is about you feeling taken for granted and that he's taking the piss a bit and left you to do everything and him passive aggressively leaving this to you do deal with. And I do have sympathy on this front. He could have shown willing by not going to his mates and not having a drink.

But they aren’t his kids and he doesn’t even live there!

I can see both sides of this tbh.

I do think people make a really unnecessary drama out of packing to go away and I think it's a bit controlling and weird to punish him over this. It really doesn't need to take a whole day or evening an hour. For a trip like this it's a case of flinging a few sets of undies, t-shirts and a toothbrush and phone charger in a bag and job done.

But I don't think this is really about the packing, is it? This is about you feeling taken for granted and that he's taking the piss a bit and left you to do everything and him passive aggressively leaving this to you do deal with. And I do have sympathy on this front. He could have shown willing by not going to his mates and not having a drink.

It sounds as if you need to sit down when you've both calmed down and say sorry for overdoing it but you would have appreciated it if he could have been mindful of the fact you were doing everything.

I would also have been very mad at his broken promise of not coming back at a certain time, ADHD or no ADHD. And then he drives you crazy with phonecalls “I’ll meet you here” “I’ll meet you there”. No way I wouldn’t have been mad.

You aren't being unreasonable and your bf is selfish.

I get it!

Hope you have a nice time away

Ah yes OP, this sounds like just the regular hating of anyone who isn't struggling to afford food and heating on mumsnet.

I think you're over reacting.
Get over it and go and have fun.

THIS!

Until I learned more about how to handle my ADHD I would spend an entire day trying to pack for the kids and me for a short trip. I'd be stressed and frozen part of the day and running about like a mad thing the rest of the day.

I feel for you OP, sure you handled it badly but he has gone back on all the arrangements.

You sound very needy op can't believe so much drama over packing. If you know you get this stressed then perhaps pack a week before you go.

But they are your kids, not his. Why the hell have both your posts involved you expecting him to put them to bed, pack their bags?!? You really are beyond overdramatic. In the time you've spent on here you could have packed up half the country!

If you don’t live together and their not your children or cat then they’re your responsibility to get ready. You were working all day, were your expecting him to sort out your stuff all fay while you worked?