To hate the cat

VioletMissing2 · 2023-05-03T04:12:18+00:00

I feel like the worst person on earth I’ve wanted a cat my entire life, having grown up with them. My mum even fosters for a charity, so I’ve spent most of my life surrounded by cats and it’s all I’ve ever wanted. I finally bought my own flat and could get one. So I waited for the right one to adopt. I wanted an older one that would be happy indoors as I’m on the second floor of a house conversion with no direct access to our shared garden. I knew that by getting an old cat he may have some issues, but this has so far surpassed anything Since he arrived, all he has done is scream. He is so loud it is impossible to take calls at home, watch tv and most importantly sleep. Every night for the last two months, he has started screaming at 3am and not finished screaming until 6am. Ear plugs don’t work, and it’s a one bed flat so I can hear him everywhere. My neighbours can hear him. He is extremely loud and it is endless. Nothing will stop him I have tried everything to get him to stop. We have been to the vets three times. He thought he was deaf and while he probably is a little bit, he can still hear everything else. He’s bad expensive arthritis injections which made no difference at all. I’ve changed his food, I’ve changed the timing of his food. I’ve changed his water. I play with him to make sure he’s not bored. Someone thought he might like to be outside, so now I’m taking him out and dragging him back in while he screams at me as I have to carry him a long way to the garden which he hates. I can’t function at work because it’s been 8 weeks of broken sleep for no time at all. My boyfriend can’t stay over anymore because he has to be up early for work and it would be impossible. it’s currently 5am and I have been awake for two hours now. I can hear the cat screaming, I’ve had to lock him in the living room (he has access to everything there). I’ve got ear plugs in and he’s all I can hear AIBU to wish I’d just never got him and to hate him

soooomuchroomforactivities · 05/09/2023 08:15

Oh my goodness - i just read the whole thread. Im so sorry for your loss OP. You sound like an amazing owner.

IClaudine · 05/09/2023 07:53

soooomuchroomforactivities he has gone to cat heaven now, bless him.

soooomuchroomforactivities · 05/09/2023 07:51

I had this exact problem but with a rehome of a 9 month old kitten. Was told she was an indoor cat the whole time before, and happy. She came to me and 'cried' all the time - mostly in the middle of the night. I thought maybe she was on heat, got her spayed - still the same. My friend (who had several outdoor cats) was convinced she just wanted to be an outdoor cat. She ended up taking her and the crying stopped overnight. She never makes a peep now and is so happy. I think the previous owners either lied to me about her being indoors only (i was in a flat so had no option for her to be indoors), or she was screaming and crying for them which was the real reason they rehomed her.

I could be wrong but it might be that he just wants to be an outdoor cat?

Astrak · 04/09/2023 20:01

Thank you for caring for your late cat. You ensured that he had a calm and easy exit at the end and he experienced compassion and love during his time with you.

WiddlinDiddlin · 04/09/2023 19:25

Thanks for the update OP - I am glad he found you, many people really wouldn't have bothered to find out what was wrong!

HuntingoftheSnark · 04/09/2023 18:50

@VioletMissing2 aw, thank you for the update and I'm so sorry to hear the ending, despite all your efforts. I commented on your thread back in May - my old girl was almost 18 then, and although she is still going strong for now, I am aware that one day I may have to make the same kind of difficult but compassionate decision. Sorry for your loss but your cat was obviously loved and you did everything you could have done.

IClaudine · 04/09/2023 18:49

Oh, people can be horrible. You did your very best for this cat and I am so glad he had someone to care for him in the last months of his life.

BadCider · 04/09/2023 18:41

VioletMissing2 · 04/09/2023 18:33

Not in this case. He was absolutely fine at night once he was on the right tablets.

Show quote history

You did amazingly with him, OP. He was lucky to have you the last few months of his life. Keep us updated on your next cat, I hope you have an easier homing experience next time around, that was pretty tough. Not his fault of course but not easy to go through!

Original poster

VioletMissing2 · 04/09/2023 18:33

broadsurf · 04/09/2023 15:12

Megacolon has some pretty strong symptoms. I think another issue was that he wanted to be outside at night.

Not in this case. He was absolutely fine at night once he was on the right tablets.

OP posts:

Original poster

VioletMissing2 · 04/09/2023 18:32

FOJN · 04/09/2023 14:14

It's really obvious from your posts how hard you tried and how seriously you took your commitment. I'm really sorry for your loss but take comfort in knowing that you cared for him and loved him well during his final months.

Thank you that’s very kind

OP posts:

broadsurf · 04/09/2023 15:12

Megacolon has some pretty strong symptoms. I think another issue was that he wanted to be outside at night.

FOJN · 04/09/2023 14:14

It's really obvious from your posts how hard you tried and how seriously you took your commitment. I'm really sorry for your loss but take comfort in knowing that you cared for him and loved him well during his final months.

Original poster

VioletMissing2 · 04/09/2023 13:45

itsmyp4rty · 04/09/2023 09:34

What a sad but also lovely update OP, well done for managing to get to the bottom of what was going on and giving your dc a good few months. No one with any sense could doubt your love and dedication. I for one would have given up long before.

Thank you. I really did try everything

OP posts:

Original poster

VioletMissing2 · 04/09/2023 09:53

I’m not cross with them, he was the only cat at the fosterers, but a whole house foster which meant they probably didn’t see him poo and didn’t see the pain he was in. He was able to poo at the start of me getting him, but where his litter box was placed in my small flat meant I witnessed the pain he was in, I can see why they wouldn’t have done. Their house was large too which would explain why they didn’t hear him at night but I did.

mega colon is also degenerative and there’s some discussion that the change in his diet and the stress of moving to mine exacerbated his condition.

the cat charity I got him from also helped me pay for his new diet, and accessed their vets for second opinions and help at every point.

in hindsight, I was just “unlucky” and unfortunate but I believe everyone tried their best and I don’t think anyone lied to me. Sometimes things are just crap.

OP posts:

Yellowlegobrick · 04/09/2023 09:45

Only just seen your update. How sad op but I'd have been cross with the rescue, there's no way they didnt know he couldn't poo. If they genuinely hadn't noticed, they weren't attentive enough or had him in a foster home with too many cats.

Yellowlegobrick · 04/09/2023 09:43

20 quid says he did it at the fosterers too. They wouldn't tell you when you adopted him. Why would they? Who'd adopt an older cat that is wailing/howling 24/7?

Take him back. There's something clearly not right and they will 100% have known about it.

itsmyp4rty · 04/09/2023 09:34

What a sad but also lovely update OP, well done for managing to get to the bottom of what was going on and giving your dc a good few months. No one with any sense could doubt your love and dedication. I for one would have given up long before.

Treepigeon · 04/09/2023 09:18

Feraldogmum · 03/09/2023 22:15

You may well manage to get him rehomed but maybe the next abandoned cat will not get a rescue space and it will be euthanized.
Actions have consequences and you are abdicating your responsibility and want folk to tell you its OK, guilt is there for a reason ,to stop us making cruel mistakes again.
I'm afraid you are just going to have to accept a level of resposibility for your actions ,folk are not going to absolve you of guilt,you are going to have to deal with this.
Folk may have had some sympathy but actually suggesting being unpleasant to you, will have you abandoning this poor creature,is abhorrent. You are the one responsible for this situation and trying to put that on others is awful.

Please never ever have another pet. Folk like you are the reason I've taken on 6 rescue dogs over the last couple of years, right now rescues are at breaking point because of idiots who took on animals in lockdown only to tire of them.

Oh please drop the sanctimonious nonsense.

To suggest people should live their lives really struggling with a situation they can't cope with is really ott. Any of us could end up in a situation where we could have to consider rehoming a pet. You have had 6 dogs. What would happen is you suddenly got very sick and ended up in a position where you could no longer care or walk them long term?

OP is really trying with this cat. Sometimes things don't work out and it's very sad. She doesn't have to feel guilty for trying and it not working out.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 04/09/2023 08:37

@Feraldogmum You should be ashamed of yourself. The poster herself said she had no intention of doing that, as she'd feel guilty, early in the thread.

Original poster

VioletMissing2 · 04/09/2023 08:31

Feraldogmum · 03/09/2023 22:15

You may well manage to get him rehomed but maybe the next abandoned cat will not get a rescue space and it will be euthanized.
Actions have consequences and you are abdicating your responsibility and want folk to tell you its OK, guilt is there for a reason ,to stop us making cruel mistakes again.
I'm afraid you are just going to have to accept a level of resposibility for your actions ,folk are not going to absolve you of guilt,you are going to have to deal with this.
Folk may have had some sympathy but actually suggesting being unpleasant to you, will have you abandoning this poor creature,is abhorrent. You are the one responsible for this situation and trying to put that on others is awful.

Please never ever have another pet. Folk like you are the reason I've taken on 6 rescue dogs over the last couple of years, right now rescues are at breaking point because of idiots who took on animals in lockdown only to tire of them.

If you actually read this thread, which is very old now, you would see that at no point did I suggest giving him up even when a lot of other people did. It was fully out of the question for me to “abandon him”. I was a good cat owner who struggled massively with being woken up every single night. I think you would too. I came here looking for a bit of compassion. Not to be absolved of guilt, and to see if anyone had any suggestions on how to make it better. Lots of people suggesting “before you taking him back” - I would never have taken him back. They’re not objects you get from shops you can just return: I made a commitment when I got him, I never took myself away from that commitment, I just needed some help and for someone to tell me it would be okay.

After three vet trips, the cat was diagnosed with a mega colon which explains why he screamed at night. He was put on two tablets a day, which combined with a feliway and a special organic diet meant he slept all through the night and was a very happy cat for nearly three months. He was spoilt rotten, and adored. I never once gave up on him. I tried everything. I loved him to bits and this thread was clearly written in a desperate form of love, I desperately wanted him to feel better for everyone’s sake.

unfortunately, after three quite happy months for him, he was still unable to poo on his own. The vet advised that his only option was to be put down. The other option was an expensive operation which he would not have survived due to his age and excessive complications. When he was unable to poo on his own he was in a lot of pain, which was very distressing for him.

He had a very lovely death, but before that he spent five months living with me, and even though I may have struggled at times, he never knew I did. He had everything he wanted, which is better than the alternative (he was on the streets before me).

Your post takes is actually gross, if you want people to tell you how brilliant you are for rehoming dogs then here you go, here’s your gold star. I will be getting another cat because I loved this cat, despite everything he was adored. I cry most days about how much I miss him. I have a lot of love and I know how to look after a cat.

I hope you never have to struggle like I did when I first got my cat. I hope all your dogs have lived healthy lives and not had an undiagnosed medical condition causing them pain.

not really sure about your point about lockdown - I got my cat in 2023. If you’re coming here just to use my post as a rant, I suggest you buy a soapbox and f**k off to it?

OP posts:

CandidClarisse · 04/09/2023 00:12

Old thread but I wonder if he ever settled or not?

BathroomCleaner · 03/09/2023 23:05

My cat used to do this and it was because he was lonely. We got a kitten to keep him company and it stopped.

BlueBellsArePretty · 03/09/2023 22:37

How is the lovely old cat?

Ladybird69 · 03/09/2023 22:30

I haven’t read the full thread but before you take him back just give zylkene a try. I had a cat that would attack me, viscously attack me and as I was going to take him to a nearby stables someone on here told me to try it. Wow his behaviour changed over night and he’s my cuddle buddy now! Good luck for both of you

Ineedasitdown · 03/09/2023 22:25

Feraldogmum · 03/09/2023 22:15

You may well manage to get him rehomed but maybe the next abandoned cat will not get a rescue space and it will be euthanized.
Actions have consequences and you are abdicating your responsibility and want folk to tell you its OK, guilt is there for a reason ,to stop us making cruel mistakes again.
I'm afraid you are just going to have to accept a level of resposibility for your actions ,folk are not going to absolve you of guilt,you are going to have to deal with this.
Folk may have had some sympathy but actually suggesting being unpleasant to you, will have you abandoning this poor creature,is abhorrent. You are the one responsible for this situation and trying to put that on others is awful.

Please never ever have another pet. Folk like you are the reason I've taken on 6 rescue dogs over the last couple of years, right now rescues are at breaking point because of idiots who took on animals in lockdown only to tire of them.

Are you on the right thread?