To consider TTC while DH working away

@GrumpyCat3489 if you pay privately you don't have to wait. I can't remember how old you said you were but if you're 35+ it might be worth it.

DH worked away 5.5 days a week when I was pregnant and for the first 18 months of DD’s life. I had no family within 5000 miles. It was fine.

We speak sense 😁

I'm pleased OP I think that's sensible, if you want to put your mind at rest maybe see if you can get a fertility health check done? Not sure if that's just something I've seen on TV but maybe available privately?!

When I had my oldest my DH was working away Mon to Fri and odd weekends in another European country. It was fine until I went back to work when she was 4 months old, then it was a massive slog. It was doable for the year or so that it persisted. I did rely on my parents a bit for support but as they didn't look after my baby it was more to have some adult company.

Sorry, must have missed the bit about getting baby a passport. If you pay for fast track service you could be living with him pretty soon after the birth.

As you'd be on ML anyway, surely the sensible solution would be for you to go and live with him in his city flat with the baby during the secondment?

I would do it. Especially as paternity leave etc is good.
I've had both of my babies whilst DH has worked away. He is home on average every 3 weekends and similarly is an hours flight away.
The reality is sometimes people don't work locally to home.
It's hard but if you have support it's doable
Good luck

@GrumpyCat3489 bring preg and no dh about isnt fun but guessing if you really want a baby now then doable

But

Why spend the first 6mths alone once born

If you are on ml why can't you go and live with dh

Missing out on those first few months is something dh will never get back

I think you're being very naive, things often don't go as smoothly as you think. What if a baby is born prematurely or disabled? What if it's twins? What if your mental health suffers as it often does in pregnancy and birth. I'm also not sure why your DH would even want to miss so much really important time with a child.
You're also putting an awful lot of pressure on your mum here....
You're 34, that's not old. Wait a bit.

All I will say is, don’t wait.

And having your mum is simply not the same, I lived with my mum for our eldest whilst my DH was away 2 weeks at a time (granted she was working) and it really is not the same as having your partner with you. I feel like I was robbed of those times, rather than relishing my new borns it was about survival and I resented DH not being there, he also missed so much. I'm used to DH being away, as I say he's military, but it was a time we will never get back and if you have the choice of avoiding this situation because it's only a year, I really can't recommend it enough.

Do you know anyone where he is? It can be a very isolating time so if you have lots of friends etc here but not there take that into account

I would go for it if you will be getting help from your mum.
My DH has always worked abroad, he goes for four months at a time and comes home for two weeks before returning for four months.
We had kids and I found it to be perfectly manageable with no help, but much of that depends on your own mindset.
When ours were born there wasn't really any paternity leave but with what you're saying regarding your own DH paternity leave, plus you may join him until you start back at work yourself and if you're confident that you have everything organised to help you, then I would begin TTC.

I agree completely. Your life will change dramatically overnight. His will pretty much carry on. Terrible idea.

Exactly. It's better if you get through the sleepless nights as a team.

I think that's an awful idea. Dad needs to be as involved as possible for the first 2 years.

I wouldn't wait.. and you can go see him tons when on Mat leave. Sounds like it will be great for his career long term. Plus it may take a few months to conceive anyway.

No absolutely not, delay. My DH is in the military and even being absent for just 9 weeks in the week from 3 weeks was just awful, I did have PND but no doubt his absence exasperated, if not entirely caused, it. I have no fond memories of that time. He missed most of the pregnancy too. It's a special time, do you really want to spend that time alone?

If you were 40 I might say go for it, but at 34 you still have time.

I’d go for it, it might take a while especially if you have limited time together. And surely you can just go and live with him during your mat leave .

Sounds like with maternity and paternity time apart is short, can you extend your maternity even unpaid? If so it’s an easy call, go for it.

I was pregnant with my second while DH was abroad. It was the only child that was conceived easily and I had great family support with DC1. Thankfully pregnancy is much more pleasant to me than my horrific monthly cycle so I was fine. It all backfired a little when DH was made redundant pretty much ad soon as the baby arrived and it was his turn to be at home and mine to go out to work.

We got married young and have tried to create a family for over 10 years. Thankfully we now have 2 but it's been a lot of years of infertility and miscarriage so I can honestly say that I would just go for it and you will iron out the fine details when it comes to it. However I'm a aware that is completely on my tough time conceiving so if that is not what works for you and your husband then hold off.

No. This is not a good set up to start a family. You will feel vulnerable and your life will be very, very different. Your DH will not be forced to adjust to a new lifestyle in the same way at all and it’ll divide you massively. The baby will miss out on bonding with her/his dad, and vice versa.